Sometimes days are frustrating

It was a frustrating day. You know, one of those days when you want to do something, but emotions get in the way. I was going to help out at a group that I was helping out at before when I was pregnant. I'm not very involved with the group, I just watch the kids while the group goes on. However, the program had ended before the summer and was just starting up again. Chances are that the people in the group would have no idea what happened. This generally causes me anxiety. I'm not sure why I get so anxious about telling people, but I do. A lot. I think that's part of why I'm writing, it's easier that way.
Anyways, the coordinator had asked me what I'd like to do about telling people. If I wanted her to do it, or if I would do it etc. I had done a lot of praying about it and had decided that it should be me that does it. That way I can explain things and try to point to God in all of it. I think it's more meaningful when it comes from the person it happened to. That and being vulnerable with others tends to open doors and people tend to be more open with you. I've learned that from previous experience. So that is what I had hoped to do. I had been preparing myself all morning to be able to do this.
However, curve ball.....
I was in the childcare room and happened to be holding a four month old little boy. What a sweet little boy. So smiley and cute! Anyways, someone came in at that moment and saw me and said, "oh you had a little boy!" Yikes...talk about throwing me completely off. I would have loved to have said, yes, or said no but she's in the other room. She had no idea obviously and it's a very natural and normal assumption to say. It just caught me off-guard. I should be prepared for stuff like that by now, but apparently I'm not. Well I had to give an honest answer, and well saying it out loud still brings tears to my eyes and chokes me up. Normally I try to continue on with a discussion, but bless this woman, she changed the subject so fast that we were talking about something else in a milisecond. Very sweet. She's great. Her daughter is pretty awesome too!
 I just feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say because my emotions got in the way again. After that, the pain and sadness were back and I had a hard time shaking it that I didn't even remember to mention to the coordinator that I could say something to the group.
The kids kept me busy all morning. There sure were a lot of them today!
Yay for the group getting bigger! :)
I guess this just means I need to make sure that I have an answer ready that is longer than a couple words and practice till I am comfortable saying what I want to say.  There really is no manual for any of this and some days truly are a struggle. Thankfully I have my Heavenly Father holding onto me, and giving me strength. I need to make sure that I embrace that strength each and every day, each and every moment. Hopefully I will still get the chance to share my story with this group.