Two!

It's kind of fun having these moments now...it's cheesy I know, but I'm going to share it anyways...

Today, we walked to the park. It's just down our street...Micah rode his tricycle there and A held my hand and walked all the way there...(major accomplishment here...A holding my hand and walking all the way there with no issues! Amazing!! Loved that so much! I'm thinking walking is in now and stroller is out...)
Anyways...so we are playing at the park. It's just a little park, not too much to do, but there is a teeter totter/seesaw, whatever you want to call it. As I put A on one side and Micah took the other...I flashed back to all the times I put Micah on this teeter totter and had to push the other side myself. Up and down, up and down...Micah going by himself...and me making noises so it feels fun...now Micah has someone to sit with on the teeter totter and look at and laugh with as it goes up and down...I still have to help push them...but there are two of them on it...it made my heart really happy that there isn't an empty seat on the teeter totter anymore...  :)
Thanks for letting me share :)

Also a cute moment from the day...Micah giving A a kiss on the cheek and A actually blowing him a kiss back....oh goodness melt my heart! :) They definitely have some cute moments together...a lot of crazy moments and melt down moments.....but the cute moments sure make up for the other moments.

Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

 ~Ecclesiastes 4:9-10a~

 

(this in no way applies that everyone should have more than one child...one child is great for sure...I had this verse in my head as the kids were playing just cause I enjoyed that there were two of them - and seeing how they can be together, and will hopefully be there for each other through life.)

A Moment of Peace

Today was one of those days where for a moment time stood still and I was able to breath and truly thank God for His love and faithfulness.
After a terrible day yesterday - one of those days that just wouldn't ever end and then when it did it ended with a goose egg, (I was right in front of her and she tripped over her feet ---one of those moments you wish you could have seen in advance and prevented...and then feel horrible for not being able too...ugh. Just a wretched day.)
So I decided today we were going to be out of the house.
We spent a lovely morning at church - I enjoyed teaching the Sunday School kids - we had a great morning learning about encouragement! :)
After church we headed out to the farm. I was hoping the kids would nap on the way there, which they did a bit, but when they did wake up, they did a fairly good job of being content the rest of the way...A still is definitely not a great traveler...but hopefully that will come with time!
We really had a wonderful time at the farm. It was on and off rainy, but walking around the barn, walking around outside and playing inside - we had a great time. We found out A loves tractors! Who knew! She pointed at them, and kept wanting to climb into them. Of course Poppers loved that and indulged! I think A had a ride in every tractor on the farm! She and Micah both had like a twenty minute ride around the farm. It was great! :)
But the biggest blessing of the day came when Micah was inside reading stories with Grannie and A was riding on the tractor with Poppers and I happened to find myself alone looking up at a crazy sky. The sky was changing between crazy rain clouds and blue sky with white clouds and sun. I stopped for a minute and had an interesting realization. Over the past year, every time we were at the farm and I was alone, I was depressed. I felt as though I was very unneeded. When there are 6 adults and one child....the person the child is with most, is the one that he doesn't need when there are other people around...I always felt very depressed and that I should be enjoying this time or looking after my daughter...still being busy. But today, when I was standing outside gazing at the constantly changing crazy sky, I didn't feel depressed because I was alone. I felt joy. I felt contentment. I felt peace. I felt full. I enjoyed the few moments of peace. I was thankful for the few moments of peace. It was such a different feeling than I've had before. I couldn't do anything but praise God for this new feeling...and thank Him for all He has done and for strength to continue.
I am thankful for a wonderful day, and I am thankful that God is changing my heart. He is working miracles everyday.

For great is your love, higher than the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies.

~Psalm 108:4~ 

Kalyna

I shall never tire of writing her name. Kalyna Leanne Siertsema....I was still torn between what her short form would have been...I had thought either Kaly or Lyna.....but I don't think it would have been either because Micah continues to call her Kyna....so I'm guessing that's what her short form would have been. Oh how I miss her. How I long to hold her in my arms again and kiss her soft cheeks. To comb through her curly dark hair and to see if her eyes really are that deep blue colour.

Oh to see a smile light up your face and a hand reach out to hold mine.
Someday I know someday. Someday I'll see you run towards me with that big smile on your face and hear you affectionately call me "Mommy". Someday. 

One thing I have learned....the waiting time is hard....but when the waiting is over, and the time has come...you don't remember the waiting and the longing. Those days are long and forgotten. It will be the now that counts and how wonderful it will be.

And so we continue on, onwards in this journey through life, knowing that we need to touch as many lives as we can while we're here, so that there may be more joyful reunions in Heaven because of lives being changed. I know I am certainly looking forward to my reunion...meeting Jesus and being in awe of how deeply He loves us, and part of His great love will be seeing my Kalyna alive and radiant....and my Jaimie too! :)

And until then, I have a renewed sense of purpose here...as I continue to raise my children here...Micah and A to hopefully come to know the Lord as their friend and Saviour at a young age...and serve my husband, family, friends, church family and community and beyond, so that others' lives may be changed by the love of our Saviour Jesus.

I leave you with a verse that came today...
Yet I am always with you, You hold me by my right hand.
~Psalm 73:23~
-this verse is true...I know it to be true...I've been led along this past year specifically because I did not have the strength to continue on alone....there is no other explanation except that God had me by the hand and was leading me onwards...
If you are struggling today with things that are bigger than you can handle...find strength and hope in our Saviour. He will give you hope even in the darkness and strength to find the light.

July

And it's July....the month I had been dreading for awhile now. A month that has so many ups and downs.
July 11, 2011 - Jaimie passed away
July 11, 2012 - Kalyna's birth day (she passed away July 10)

And then there is July 14 - Micah's birthday (which last year was Kalyna's funeral service)

And now it's July 2013 - And yesterday, July 2nd, we signed the adoption papers for our new adopted daughter.

I have been pondering all of this recently in my mind...and there are a few things that I need to do some writing about.
This July was going to be especially difficult, celebrating Kalyna's one year in Heaven. Although there are many positives to that - she is safe, happy, healthy, and with Jesus - she still left a very large hole in our family and in our hearts. We miss her ever so much.
Her passing started our adoption journey much earlier than we had anticipated....

If you've been reading for awhile than you know that we were open to fostering to adopt, fostering or adopting. We were open to any child, any origin, any gender - we had said preferably under 3 (younger than Micah)...although we had been considering what it might be like to adopt older children...
Then June comes along....we hear about a little girl who is already a crown ward and is in need of a forever family. She'd been bounced a little in the past few months, and was passed over by other families for various reasons. She has no access to family for various reasons and thus it's a closed adoption, which doesn't happen much these days because its good for kids to know or have some connection to their biological family in some way. This little girl doesn't have that either. We are her family now. Sure she will know she is adopted, we won't hide that from her, but we will be her forever family. The one she can count on to not let her go.
So in all the possibilities that there were, we, before we reached Kalyna's 1 year mark, have added a little girl (20 months old) - our beautiful A, to our family - who is not being fostered, but being adopted forever into our family. Yes it has it's challenges...we certainly are busy now...but we will be celebrating Kalyna's one year in Heaven with another little girl in our arms. One that came to us from another family, but from God none the less. She was created and formed and made by Him and His hand has been on her from the very start. God gave her to us.

Is it not amazing the way our Heavenly Father works? He has blessed us with another daughter...one that we will have the privilege of raising. Our Heavenly Father answers prayers. He cares for us, He loves us, He carries us through the hard devastating times. He never lets us go. He didn't let me drown in despair last July....He pulled me out and gave me hope...and now He has given us our new daughter. His timing is also incredible. That He would provide a way to ease our pain this July...we still miss Kalyna, and will forever and she will always be on my mind...but God has given us joy through the pain as well....in the form of a very spunky little girl who will keep us on our toes.
God continues to prove faithful over and over again...and I know He will prove faithful in this new journey we are on as well. Looking back over my blogs from the last year...just helps me realize all the more how God has been seeing us through and had this in mind from the very beginning. He knew what was going to happen and He had this little girl for us even back then - even though we had no idea.

I'll leave you with my favourite verse which never ceases to take on new meanings....

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord. Plans to prosper you and not to harm you. Plans to give you hope and a future.

 ~Jeremiah 29:11~