A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ~Psalm 68:5-6~
So full of so many emotions right now. Part of it could be from the lack of sleep from last night...not much sleep was had at our house last night. Seems odd...but it was really an odd night... a culmination of random things keeping us all awake. Guess that's why I'm not even bothering to try to sleep right now. Anyways, that's not the point. Tonight we had our first meeting about adoption. So happy to be starting along this journey! However, it was a bit of a reality check in many ways for me I think. Not that I didn't know most of everything that was spoken about, but more so just that any exception/fantasy that I might have dreamed up is clearly not going to happen. Which makes sense because this is reality and not a fantasy world - which you'd think I'd have learned by now. Life is super real. You don't get special treatment because you are you.
It was a good meeting though. Lots to look forward to. There are really endless ways in which we can help children in need. A couple of things that have tugged on our hearts are the adoption of a sibling group or maybe the foster with a view to adopt program. We will be open to whatever God wants us to be open to. (Small plug here for a spouse who is like-minded: so appreciative that my husband loves God and wants to follow His will and purpose for our lives and our family as well; that He is willing to be open to whatever God has in store. Love love love this about my husband. Love, so much love for him that he is willing to jump into this journey with two feet and not look back. Love that he wants to love whoever God brings into our lives completely. Love that God brought us together for each other. Yes I love my husband.) The journey is however going to be long.
This for me is difficult to get over. Obviously I would like a child now. I was ready to have a child in January, then I was ready to have a child in July. So not having my children here with me is hard. Not having the possibility to have another child within a year is difficult as well. There really is no way to have a child right now. Some people wait years and years before they have a child. I am blessed with one really great little boy that I can hold and play with here, two beautiful little children that I can love now and hold later and the possibility of loving and holding new children in a year or two. I just have to keep trusting God and keep my focus on Him (goes along with all that contentment stuff I had been talking about...definitely still struggling with that...but still praying for it). Yes, I must admit to grieving the fact that Micah will not have a sibling to grow up with for awhile. A prospect that makes me sad. I was very close to my sister growing up and Albert was close to his brother growing up and I really wanted that for Micah too. Somehow I had figured in my head that if Micah was more than 2 years apart from his siblings that they wouldn't ever get along and be as good friends as my sister and I or as Albert and his brother (although that could still happen, just not for a little while). And Micah is so ready for a sibling. Out of nowhere he will hold out his hands and tell me the baby is sleeping, or that I should rock the baby. Or that the baby is crying and I need to give it a kiss, or that I should lay the baby in it's bed. He will pretend a piece of food is a baby, or sometimes it's just the air. I watch him around babies and he checks on them, and shares his toys with them, or turns on the music for them. It's so very very cute and adorable. It almost breaks my heart sometimes to know that he doesn't have a sibling here to love and enjoy. - Obviously it wouldn't always be roses, but you know what I mean. But as my husband says, we will just be able to enjoy Micah thoroughly and invest ourselves in him and be really well bonded and in the mean time we will continue to expose Micah to children of various ages to play with and to learn from. I will pray that he will be able to open his heart to siblings when the time comes, even if it means that he has to share his parents, who he will have had to himself for quite awhile. However, I know that God will be working in his heart just as He works in our hearts to prepare us for the children He has for us. When they do arrive, I know they will be loved. So loved. They are loved already.
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Heaven
So I have been thinking lately about what Heaven is like. So I decided to dive into my Bible to find some verses about Heaven. Two of my children are there so I wanted to know a little bit more about what it's like.
As I read some verses regarding Heaven a few things stood out to me. (I've put the verses first, and then some thoughts afterwards).
Matthew 13:31-32
He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seed, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:44
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Matthew 13:45-46
The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Hebrews 11:16-17
Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Revelations 21:4-5
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Revelations 4:2-3
At once I was in the Spirit and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.
Revelations 4:8-11
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is and is to come." Whenever the living creatures give glory, honour and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
Here are a few of my thoughts regarding all of this...
When Jesus describes Heaven, He did it mostly using parables/stories. He describes Heaven as being like a mustard seed, a treasure hidden in a field and a pearl. I'm no theologian, so I can only interpret things as far as I can, but treasure and pearls are considered to be quite amazing and priceless. In both cases the parable says that the people who find the treasure and the pearl sell everything to be able to attain the treasure or pearl. That to me says that Heaven is amazing and priceless. It's worth everything we have and then more. It's just that wonderful and awesome.
Jesus also talks about preparing rooms in Heaven for us (John 14:1-4) - that He would prepare a place for us.
When Paul is writing in the book of Philippians he says "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." He talks about how being with Christ is far better than remaining on this earth. Paul yearned to be with Jesus in Heaven. He remained on earth because God had plans for him, but he knew that being with Jesus in Heaven would be so much better than being on this earth.
In Revelations it talks a lot about Heaven now, but even more what Heaven will look like. It seems far to awesome to even begin to picture it. It talks about how there will be no more tears, no pain, no death, no hurt - how we long for that to be true here on earth, but know it isn't possible - not since the Garden of Eden happened. A place of no sorrow, no death. How amazing would that be? No death. Death is gone. Death does not exist. And I love how it continues to say that "these words are trustworthy and true". Heaven - where there is no death.
But what is there in Heaven? Jesus. In revelations it talks about unending praise for our Saviour. All creatures and people are constantly praising His Holy Name. Singing, music, praise for our Saviour all the time. It's a worship service that never ends and is even more meaningful and real because Jesus is there! Hearts overflowing with love and thankfulness to our Saviour.
All this being said, now when I think of Heaven, I think of my Saviour Jesus and I think of my children Kalyna and Jaimie who are there as well. (I'm not sure what everyone's opinion on whether my children are in Heaven or not, but there are many many Bible verses that point and show that children that haven't reached an age of accountability go to Heaven. The book "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur, details many of those verses that explain that miscarried babies, stillborn babies, infants and young children are with Jesus when they die.) I know that God has also given me peace that Jesus is holding my children in His arms. I believe that Jaimie and Kalyna are in Heaven with Jesus in the place that He has prepared for them, singing His praises with so much love in their hearts and big smiles on their faces. I believe they are dancing too with so much joy and so much love.
It's funny because I can even picture them. Kalyna with curly dark hair in pigtails and a light blue dress to match her stunning blue eyes. Jaimie in her arms, blond hair and blue eyes giggling and laughing. (Not sure why I always picture Jaimie younger than Kalyna, technically Jaimie is older, but Jaimie is younger anyways. - I never really know whether Jaimie is a boy or a girl. I tend to lean towards a girl, but I'm not really sure - a surprise that will be waiting for me in Heaven I guess.) But nonetheless, I rest assured that my children are in a place that is awesome and amazing. A place worth more than we can ever imagine. A place of no death, pain, hurt or sadness. A place of constant love and praise. A huge worship service. A place with my Jesus. My children are safe, happy, loved and cared for. Their hearts are so full of love that they spill forth with praise to our Jesus. What a wonderful thing to look forward to...the day when I can join my Jaimie and my Kalyna and can praise my Jesus face to face - no longer with the sting and pain of death in my heart.
As I read some verses regarding Heaven a few things stood out to me. (I've put the verses first, and then some thoughts afterwards).
Matthew 13:31-32
He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seed, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:44
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Matthew 13:45-46
The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Hebrews 11:16-17
Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Revelations 21:4-5
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Revelations 4:2-3
At once I was in the Spirit and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.
Revelations 4:8-11
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is and is to come." Whenever the living creatures give glory, honour and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
Here are a few of my thoughts regarding all of this...
When Jesus describes Heaven, He did it mostly using parables/stories. He describes Heaven as being like a mustard seed, a treasure hidden in a field and a pearl. I'm no theologian, so I can only interpret things as far as I can, but treasure and pearls are considered to be quite amazing and priceless. In both cases the parable says that the people who find the treasure and the pearl sell everything to be able to attain the treasure or pearl. That to me says that Heaven is amazing and priceless. It's worth everything we have and then more. It's just that wonderful and awesome.
Jesus also talks about preparing rooms in Heaven for us (John 14:1-4) - that He would prepare a place for us.
When Paul is writing in the book of Philippians he says "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." He talks about how being with Christ is far better than remaining on this earth. Paul yearned to be with Jesus in Heaven. He remained on earth because God had plans for him, but he knew that being with Jesus in Heaven would be so much better than being on this earth.
In Revelations it talks a lot about Heaven now, but even more what Heaven will look like. It seems far to awesome to even begin to picture it. It talks about how there will be no more tears, no pain, no death, no hurt - how we long for that to be true here on earth, but know it isn't possible - not since the Garden of Eden happened. A place of no sorrow, no death. How amazing would that be? No death. Death is gone. Death does not exist. And I love how it continues to say that "these words are trustworthy and true". Heaven - where there is no death.
But what is there in Heaven? Jesus. In revelations it talks about unending praise for our Saviour. All creatures and people are constantly praising His Holy Name. Singing, music, praise for our Saviour all the time. It's a worship service that never ends and is even more meaningful and real because Jesus is there! Hearts overflowing with love and thankfulness to our Saviour.
All this being said, now when I think of Heaven, I think of my Saviour Jesus and I think of my children Kalyna and Jaimie who are there as well. (I'm not sure what everyone's opinion on whether my children are in Heaven or not, but there are many many Bible verses that point and show that children that haven't reached an age of accountability go to Heaven. The book "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur, details many of those verses that explain that miscarried babies, stillborn babies, infants and young children are with Jesus when they die.) I know that God has also given me peace that Jesus is holding my children in His arms. I believe that Jaimie and Kalyna are in Heaven with Jesus in the place that He has prepared for them, singing His praises with so much love in their hearts and big smiles on their faces. I believe they are dancing too with so much joy and so much love.
It's funny because I can even picture them. Kalyna with curly dark hair in pigtails and a light blue dress to match her stunning blue eyes. Jaimie in her arms, blond hair and blue eyes giggling and laughing. (Not sure why I always picture Jaimie younger than Kalyna, technically Jaimie is older, but Jaimie is younger anyways. - I never really know whether Jaimie is a boy or a girl. I tend to lean towards a girl, but I'm not really sure - a surprise that will be waiting for me in Heaven I guess.) But nonetheless, I rest assured that my children are in a place that is awesome and amazing. A place worth more than we can ever imagine. A place of no death, pain, hurt or sadness. A place of constant love and praise. A huge worship service. A place with my Jesus. My children are safe, happy, loved and cared for. Their hearts are so full of love that they spill forth with praise to our Jesus. What a wonderful thing to look forward to...the day when I can join my Jaimie and my Kalyna and can praise my Jesus face to face - no longer with the sting and pain of death in my heart.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Sometimes days are frustrating
It was a frustrating day. You know, one of those days when you want to do something, but emotions get in the way. I was going to help out at a group that I was helping out at before when I was pregnant. I'm not very involved with the group, I just watch the kids while the group goes on. However, the program had ended before the summer and was just starting up again. Chances are that the people in the group would have no idea what happened. This generally causes me anxiety. I'm not sure why I get so anxious about telling people, but I do. A lot. I think that's part of why I'm writing, it's easier that way.
Anyways, the coordinator had asked me what I'd like to do about telling people. If I wanted her to do it, or if I would do it etc. I had done a lot of praying about it and had decided that it should be me that does it. That way I can explain things and try to point to God in all of it. I think it's more meaningful when it comes from the person it happened to. That and being vulnerable with others tends to open doors and people tend to be more open with you. I've learned that from previous experience. So that is what I had hoped to do. I had been preparing myself all morning to be able to do this.
However, curve ball.....
I was in the childcare room and happened to be holding a four month old little boy. What a sweet little boy. So smiley and cute! Anyways, someone came in at that moment and saw me and said, "oh you had a little boy!" Yikes...talk about throwing me completely off. I would have loved to have said, yes, or said no but she's in the other room. She had no idea obviously and it's a very natural and normal assumption to say. It just caught me off-guard. I should be prepared for stuff like that by now, but apparently I'm not. Well I had to give an honest answer, and well saying it out loud still brings tears to my eyes and chokes me up. Normally I try to continue on with a discussion, but bless this woman, she changed the subject so fast that we were talking about something else in a milisecond. Very sweet. She's great. Her daughter is pretty awesome too!
I just feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say because my emotions got in the way again. After that, the pain and sadness were back and I had a hard time shaking it that I didn't even remember to mention to the coordinator that I could say something to the group.
The kids kept me busy all morning. There sure were a lot of them today!
Yay for the group getting bigger! :)
I guess this just means I need to make sure that I have an answer ready that is longer than a couple words and practice till I am comfortable saying what I want to say. There really is no manual for any of this and some days truly are a struggle. Thankfully I have my Heavenly Father holding onto me, and giving me strength. I need to make sure that I embrace that strength each and every day, each and every moment. Hopefully I will still get the chance to share my story with this group.
Anyways, the coordinator had asked me what I'd like to do about telling people. If I wanted her to do it, or if I would do it etc. I had done a lot of praying about it and had decided that it should be me that does it. That way I can explain things and try to point to God in all of it. I think it's more meaningful when it comes from the person it happened to. That and being vulnerable with others tends to open doors and people tend to be more open with you. I've learned that from previous experience. So that is what I had hoped to do. I had been preparing myself all morning to be able to do this.
However, curve ball.....
I was in the childcare room and happened to be holding a four month old little boy. What a sweet little boy. So smiley and cute! Anyways, someone came in at that moment and saw me and said, "oh you had a little boy!" Yikes...talk about throwing me completely off. I would have loved to have said, yes, or said no but she's in the other room. She had no idea obviously and it's a very natural and normal assumption to say. It just caught me off-guard. I should be prepared for stuff like that by now, but apparently I'm not. Well I had to give an honest answer, and well saying it out loud still brings tears to my eyes and chokes me up. Normally I try to continue on with a discussion, but bless this woman, she changed the subject so fast that we were talking about something else in a milisecond. Very sweet. She's great. Her daughter is pretty awesome too!
I just feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say because my emotions got in the way again. After that, the pain and sadness were back and I had a hard time shaking it that I didn't even remember to mention to the coordinator that I could say something to the group.
The kids kept me busy all morning. There sure were a lot of them today!
Yay for the group getting bigger! :)
I guess this just means I need to make sure that I have an answer ready that is longer than a couple words and practice till I am comfortable saying what I want to say. There really is no manual for any of this and some days truly are a struggle. Thankfully I have my Heavenly Father holding onto me, and giving me strength. I need to make sure that I embrace that strength each and every day, each and every moment. Hopefully I will still get the chance to share my story with this group.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Bible verses that have stood out to me
These are verses that while I've been reading, have spoken and stood out to me. I've found comfort and strength and love in the pages of God's word. God gave us His word to help us understand Him and who He is. It's there to strengthen us and to encourage. It's there to help us point others towards Him. I'm so glad God gave us His word. I know that God's word was not always a priority in my life, and it's unfortunate that it takes trials in this life to realize that we can't get through life without it. It's so important that before trials come, to be committed to reading and understanding the word of God.
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. ~Romans 15:4~
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5~
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had it's foundation on the rock. ~Matthew 7:24~
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his path beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen ~Romans 11:33-36~
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. ~Psalm 143:10~
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:33-34~
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness; and the darkness has not overcome it. ~John 1:4-5~
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. ~1 John 5:19-20~
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
~1 John 5:3-5~
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said "why did you doubt?"
~Matthew 14:30-31~
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13~
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4~
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ~Psalm 37:7a~
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~Romans 12:12~
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. ~John 1:12-13~
Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. ~Psalm 84:12~
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. ~Romans 15:4~
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5~
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had it's foundation on the rock. ~Matthew 7:24~
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his path beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen ~Romans 11:33-36~
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. ~Psalm 143:10~
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:33-34~
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness; and the darkness has not overcome it. ~John 1:4-5~
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. ~1 John 5:19-20~
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
~1 John 5:3-5~
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said "why did you doubt?"
~Matthew 14:30-31~
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13~
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4~
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ~Psalm 37:7a~
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~Romans 12:12~
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. ~John 1:12-13~
Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. ~Psalm 84:12~
Bible Verses of God's Faithfulness
Here are some of the verses I've found that talk about God's faithfulness. God is faithful in all He does, the Bible tells us over and over how faithful our God is. I find it so comforting to know that we have a God who is faithful in all He does and says. He is forever faithful, even when our lives crumble to the ground. God is still faithful.
You are near, Lord, and all your commands are true. All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. ~Psalm 119:151 & 160~
Whoever has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. ~John 3:33-34~
Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory; because of your love and faithfulness.
~Psalm 115:1~
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
~Psalm 9:10~
For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. ~Psalm 33:4~
I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. ~Psalm 57:9-11~
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~Psalm 46:1~
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. ~Psalm 37:23-24~
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30~
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. ~Psalm 92:4~
He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10~
But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.
~Psalm 33:11~
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 125:1-2~
You are near, Lord, and all your commands are true. All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. ~Psalm 119:151 & 160~
Whoever has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. ~John 3:33-34~
Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory; because of your love and faithfulness.
~Psalm 115:1~
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
~Psalm 9:10~
For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. ~Psalm 33:4~
I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. ~Psalm 57:9-11~
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~Psalm 46:1~
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. ~Psalm 37:23-24~
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30~
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. ~Psalm 92:4~
He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10~
But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.
~Psalm 33:11~
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 125:1-2~
Bible Verses of God's love
Here are a few of the Bible verses regarding God's love that have been meaningful to me. After comfort and strength verses, I found verses of God's love reassuring and uplifting. Here are a list of some of them :)
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
~John 3:16-17~
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
~1 John 3:16-18~
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name for your name is good.
~Psalm 52:8-9~
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
~Psalm 33:20-22~
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
~Psalm 103:11~
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...
~Psalm 33:18~
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
~Psalm 143:8~
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them.
~1 John 4:16~
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
~John 3:16-17~
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
~1 John 3:16-18~
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name for your name is good.
~Psalm 52:8-9~
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
~Psalm 33:20-22~
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
~Psalm 103:11~
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...
~Psalm 33:18~
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
~Psalm 143:8~
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them.
~1 John 4:16~
Enjoying the moment
I was talking to a friend about this just recently about living in the now, enjoying now. Well I had one of those moments this morning. One that I wanted to record and file away in my memory to never forget. It's funny how in the past I may have taken these moments for granted, and now I just want to remember everything.
It is our first Saturday at home in a long time, and this morning we played a little Micah hide and seek as a family. It was wonderful. Micah would tell us whose turn it was to count and then the other two would go hide. Sometimes it was Micah counting..and Albert and I hiding. That was always too funny. Micah would walk around yelling "Mommy? Daddy?" over and over until he would find one of us. But whenever he found us, it wasn't a big surprise or anything, he'd say "there you are mommy" like it was no big deal, he knew where we were the whole time. He was pretty good at finding us too, he found me hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub...I thought that was impressive! Once he found one of us, we'd go together to find the other. It was so cute. Micah started picking out some pretty good hiding spots too. He hid behind his laundry basket in his room, behind the rocking chair, on the far side of the toilet. He's getting pretty good, but his downfall is that he can't contain his excitement! He tends to get excited about his good hiding spot and then laughs! It's super cute! I love it! Such pure joy that comes from playing hide and seek. I think we played for an hour and a half. What a wonderful way to spend a rainy Saturday morning :)
It is our first Saturday at home in a long time, and this morning we played a little Micah hide and seek as a family. It was wonderful. Micah would tell us whose turn it was to count and then the other two would go hide. Sometimes it was Micah counting..and Albert and I hiding. That was always too funny. Micah would walk around yelling "Mommy? Daddy?" over and over until he would find one of us. But whenever he found us, it wasn't a big surprise or anything, he'd say "there you are mommy" like it was no big deal, he knew where we were the whole time. He was pretty good at finding us too, he found me hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub...I thought that was impressive! Once he found one of us, we'd go together to find the other. It was so cute. Micah started picking out some pretty good hiding spots too. He hid behind his laundry basket in his room, behind the rocking chair, on the far side of the toilet. He's getting pretty good, but his downfall is that he can't contain his excitement! He tends to get excited about his good hiding spot and then laughs! It's super cute! I love it! Such pure joy that comes from playing hide and seek. I think we played for an hour and a half. What a wonderful way to spend a rainy Saturday morning :)
Friday, October 12, 2012
The beginning of a long journey
Well we finally have a day when our adoption journey begins. After a few months of waiting, our journey can begin on October 24th. We have to attend an orientation meeting to start the process. I have been told that this process can take a long time. I am learning patience and to appreciate what I have and to be content with where I am now. I am not in control, God is. His timing is perfect. His timing is not my timing, but nonetheless is perfect, therefore I will keep trusting Him and praying for contentment and patience.
Not that long ago, we heard the song "It is well with my soul" we were challenged on whether this is truly how we feel. (it wasn't pointed at me directly, but I feel as though everything is a challenge for me, I take all things to heart these days). The author of this song lost his 4 daughters in a shipwreck. How awful and devastating. I have a hard time with one daughter, let alone 4! And yet he wrote the song "It is well with my soul". To me this means I need to be content with where I am right now. Not constantly wanting more, not being disapointed. I need to appreciate what I have in the here and now. Being content with my little family on earth. Following God's desire for what He wants me to be doing now...Kidjam....Upward....helping others....continuing to speak about Him by sharing my story of His strength, courage and love. Being the best mom I can be to my son by showing God's love by my actions. Being a supportive wife and showing my husband God's love by my actions. Helping those in need. Encouraging those in need. Praying for those in need. Stepping out of the normal, and being a radical follower of Jesus. Not hiding, (not sure that is possible any more anyways...my life appears to be an open book) not being scared of this, but trusting in God's strength and courage to continue to be transparent. Looking at the needs of others and not my own. Loving my family for who they are. And if God should someday choose to bless us with more children – adoptive or otherwise – then I will be thankful, so thankful, but whether or not that happens...to know that my role on earth is to share my story and point others towards their loving Heavenly Father. One day I will have my big family – In Heaven we will be: Albert, Theresa, Micah, Kalyna and Jaimie. Until then, I hope to continue to trust God to help me be a witness for Him through words and actions so that people may come to know Jesus, and I can introduce them to my big family someday too.
This is so great to write, but real life is hard. Very hard. Stepping out in faith is hard. It's not easy. Making that move, saying that thing...it terrifies me...why? I don't really know why, but that's how I know it's only by God's strength that it is possible. I have to continuously get out of the way (fears, vanity, selfishness) and let God work.
Not that long ago, we heard the song "It is well with my soul" we were challenged on whether this is truly how we feel. (it wasn't pointed at me directly, but I feel as though everything is a challenge for me, I take all things to heart these days). The author of this song lost his 4 daughters in a shipwreck. How awful and devastating. I have a hard time with one daughter, let alone 4! And yet he wrote the song "It is well with my soul". To me this means I need to be content with where I am right now. Not constantly wanting more, not being disapointed. I need to appreciate what I have in the here and now. Being content with my little family on earth. Following God's desire for what He wants me to be doing now...Kidjam....Upward....helping others....continuing to speak about Him by sharing my story of His strength, courage and love. Being the best mom I can be to my son by showing God's love by my actions. Being a supportive wife and showing my husband God's love by my actions. Helping those in need. Encouraging those in need. Praying for those in need. Stepping out of the normal, and being a radical follower of Jesus. Not hiding, (not sure that is possible any more anyways...my life appears to be an open book) not being scared of this, but trusting in God's strength and courage to continue to be transparent. Looking at the needs of others and not my own. Loving my family for who they are. And if God should someday choose to bless us with more children – adoptive or otherwise – then I will be thankful, so thankful, but whether or not that happens...to know that my role on earth is to share my story and point others towards their loving Heavenly Father. One day I will have my big family – In Heaven we will be: Albert, Theresa, Micah, Kalyna and Jaimie. Until then, I hope to continue to trust God to help me be a witness for Him through words and actions so that people may come to know Jesus, and I can introduce them to my big family someday too.
This is so great to write, but real life is hard. Very hard. Stepping out in faith is hard. It's not easy. Making that move, saying that thing...it terrifies me...why? I don't really know why, but that's how I know it's only by God's strength that it is possible. I have to continuously get out of the way (fears, vanity, selfishness) and let God work.
Content. It is well with my soul. Can I
say this to be true? I will keep praying that it may be true in my
soul.
Wednesday, October 10, 2012
What do we do now?
That seemed to be the question that I ask over and over.
I have always wanted a big family. I love kids. I've always wanted a busy family. While I was pregnant with Kalyna, Albert and I had decided that we would have our two kids and then we would look into adopting to grow our family. There are so many kids on this earth that need families.
This decision wasn't one we made lightly. Over the past year we had been hearing a lot about adoption and both of us have felt our hearts being pulled in that direction. After our beautiful little girl passed away, I felt like I needed to do something. I felt like since our Kalyna will never experience pain, sickness, sadness or hurt in this world, that maybe we could help some other kids who are experiencing these things. There are a lot of kids that are or will experience these things with no one to walk through it with them. Maybe since Jesus is raising our beautiful daughter who won't experience the hurt that earth brings, that maybe there are other children we can help. Children, who through no fault of their own, are in situations that leave them in need of a family to love them.
We are not looking to replace our daughter. Kalyna is our daughter forever and for always. She will always be loved and remembered. She will be our eldest daughter always. We love her so much.
And so, we are moving forward in the adoption process. Looking forward to seeing who God brings into our forever family. We are ready to love and embrace more children into our home. We are looking forward to giving Micah siblings that he can grow up with, and we will forever look forward to the day when we can introduce Micah and our other children to our other kids, Kalyna and Jaimie in Heaven one day.
I have always wanted a big family. I love kids. I've always wanted a busy family. While I was pregnant with Kalyna, Albert and I had decided that we would have our two kids and then we would look into adopting to grow our family. There are so many kids on this earth that need families.
This decision wasn't one we made lightly. Over the past year we had been hearing a lot about adoption and both of us have felt our hearts being pulled in that direction. After our beautiful little girl passed away, I felt like I needed to do something. I felt like since our Kalyna will never experience pain, sickness, sadness or hurt in this world, that maybe we could help some other kids who are experiencing these things. There are a lot of kids that are or will experience these things with no one to walk through it with them. Maybe since Jesus is raising our beautiful daughter who won't experience the hurt that earth brings, that maybe there are other children we can help. Children, who through no fault of their own, are in situations that leave them in need of a family to love them.
We are not looking to replace our daughter. Kalyna is our daughter forever and for always. She will always be loved and remembered. She will be our eldest daughter always. We love her so much.
And so, we are moving forward in the adoption process. Looking forward to seeing who God brings into our forever family. We are ready to love and embrace more children into our home. We are looking forward to giving Micah siblings that he can grow up with, and we will forever look forward to the day when we can introduce Micah and our other children to our other kids, Kalyna and Jaimie in Heaven one day.
One of those days
It's just one of those days again. It reminds me why I don't spend too much time at home. When I'm at home I think too much, especially when I'm cleaning. I decided to clean our bedroom today. That meant I had to organize all of my Kalyna things. I also put away all my maternity clothes. It all hurts. I don't think the pain will ever go away, but then do I really want it to go away? I want to remember my precious girl always. It's hard to create happy memories when you don't have any...but still I will remember her beautifulness and her preciousness.
I still have my little Micah running around, having conversations with me, with himself and with toys. He has quite the crazy imagination. Right now he is pretending to be sleeping on a chip closer clip pretending it's a bed. Then he pretended to jump on the bed, and then said "jump on bed then fall" - meaning if you jump on the bed you'll fall off...something we've told him. Oh he makes me laugh.
Just one of those bittersweet days.
I still have my little Micah running around, having conversations with me, with himself and with toys. He has quite the crazy imagination. Right now he is pretending to be sleeping on a chip closer clip pretending it's a bed. Then he pretended to jump on the bed, and then said "jump on bed then fall" - meaning if you jump on the bed you'll fall off...something we've told him. Oh he makes me laugh.
Just one of those bittersweet days.
Bible verses for Strength
It took some time, but after all the comfort verses, I was in need of verses for strength. Verses that would encourage me to continue on. Here are some of the verses that I found encouraging and that gave me strength to keep moving. Feel free to pass them along and I hope you find them encouraging and strengthening as well.
There are so many, so I will just put down the references for some, and write out others.
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
~Psalm 62:8~
But the Lord is faithful and will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.
~2 Thessalonians 3:3~
...even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
~Psalm 139:10~
The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.
~Psalm 145:13b~
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
~Phillippians 4:13~
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.
~Psalm 118:13-14~
But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it.
~2 Timothy 4:17~
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
~2 Thessalonians 2:16~
Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
~Ephesians 6:10-11~
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.
~2 Timothy 2:1~
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
~Colossians 3:2~
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him.
~Psalm 146:17-20a~
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
~Philippians 3:20-21~
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
~1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14~
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
~Ephesians 3:16-19~
I eagerly expect and hope that I will be in no way ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body whether by life or by death.
~Philippians 1:20~
I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
~Psalm 16:8~
However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" the things God has prepared for those who love him.
~1 Corinthians 2:9~
...that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured.
~Colossians 4:12b~
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.
~2 Thessalonians 3:5~
Philippians 3:14
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Psalm 40:5
2 Timothy 1:7
Romans 8:28
Romans 8:38
1 Timothy 4:8-10
Ephesians 2:10
Psalm 42:11
Philippians 1:6
1 Corinthians 15:58
Colossians 2:6
1 Corinthians 2:2
Psalm 40:1-3
Philippians 2:12-13
Ephesians 1:11
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
~2 Thessalonians 2:16~
There are so many, so I will just put down the references for some, and write out others.
Trust in him at all times, you people; pour out your hearts to him, for God is our refuge.
~Psalm 62:8~
But the Lord is faithful and will strengthen you and protect you from the evil one.
~2 Thessalonians 3:3~
...even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.
~Psalm 139:10~
The Lord is trustworthy in all he promises and faithful in all he does.
~Psalm 145:13b~
I can do all things through Christ who gives me strength.
~Phillippians 4:13~
I was pushed back and about to fall, but the Lord helped me. The Lord is my strength and my defense; he has become my salvation.
~Psalm 118:13-14~
But the Lord stood at my side and gave me strength, so that through me the message might be fully proclaimed and all the Gentiles might hear it.
~2 Timothy 4:17~
May our Lord Jesus Christ himself and God our Father, who loved us and by his grace gave us eternal encouragement and good hope, encourage your hearts and strengthen you in every good deed and word.
~2 Thessalonians 2:16~
Finally, be strong in the Lord and his mighty power. Put on the full armour of God so that you can take your stand against the devil's schemes.
~Ephesians 6:10-11~
You then, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.
~2 Timothy 2:1~
Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.
~Colossians 3:2~
The Lord is righteous in all his ways and faithful in all he does. The Lord is near to all who call on him, to all who call on him in truth. He fulfills the desires of those who fear him; he hears their cry and saves them. The Lord watches over all who love him.
~Psalm 146:17-20a~
But our citizenship is in heaven. And we eagerly await a Saviour from there, the Lord Jesus Christ, who by the power that enables him to bring everything under his control, will transform our lowly bodies so that they will be like his glorious body.
~Philippians 3:20-21~
Brothers and sisters, we do not want you to be uninformed about those who sleep in death, so that you do not grieve like the rest of mankind, who have no hope. For we believe that Jesus died and rose again, and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him.
~1 Thessalonians 4: 13-14~
I pray that out of his glorious riches he may strengthen you with power through his Spirit in your inner being, so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith. And I pray that you being rooted and established in love, may have power, together with all the Lord's holy people, to grasp how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ, and to know this love that surpasses knowledge -that you may be filled to the measure of all the fullness of God.
~Ephesians 3:16-19~
I eagerly expect and hope that I will be in no way ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body whether by life or by death.
~Philippians 1:20~
I keep my eyes always on the Lord. With him at my right hand, I will not be shaken.
~Psalm 16:8~
However, as it is written: "What no eye has seen, what no ear has heard, and what no human mind has conceived" the things God has prepared for those who love him.
~1 Corinthians 2:9~
...that you may stand firm in all the will of God, mature and fully assured.
~Colossians 4:12b~
May the Lord direct your hearts into God's love and Christ's perseverance.
~2 Thessalonians 3:5~
Philippians 3:14
1 Corinthians 16:13-14
Psalm 40:5
2 Timothy 1:7
Romans 8:28
Romans 8:38
1 Timothy 4:8-10
Ephesians 2:10
Psalm 42:11
Philippians 1:6
1 Corinthians 15:58
Colossians 2:6
1 Corinthians 2:2
Psalm 40:1-3
Philippians 2:12-13
Ephesians 1:11
Now may the Lord of peace himself give you peace at all times and in every way. The Lord be with all of you.
~2 Thessalonians 2:16~
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Bible verses for Comfort
Here are the verses that I used for comfort. People sent us verses, I took verses off of cards and I scoured my Bible for comfort verses. When words don't help - there really is nothing one can say - Bible verses are often the biggest source of comfort as they help give you an eternal perspective (as our pastor would say) and when tragedy's occur, an eternal perspective is so important in helping one continue on.
Please use these verses and share them with others. I sincerely hope that they will point you towards an eternal perspective - our God of love - as they did with me....I clung to these verses of truth as a source of hope and light when darkness and dispair wanted to take over.
Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5~
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plnas to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." ~Jeremiah 29:11-13~
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
~Revelation 21:4-5~
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. ~Isaiah 25:8~
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18~
You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me. ~Jeremiah 8:18~
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. ~Psalm 56:8~
"It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them." ~Hosea 11:3-4~
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. ~Psalm 23:4~
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. ~Isaiah 40:11~
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. ~Isaiah 49:16~
Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. ~Isaiah 49:13~
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10~
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17~
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has annointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of dispair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. ~Isaiah 61:1-3~
I will give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." ~John 10:28-30~
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." ~Matthew 19:14~
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ~Matthew 6:19-21~
Please use these verses and share them with others. I sincerely hope that they will point you towards an eternal perspective - our God of love - as they did with me....I clung to these verses of truth as a source of hope and light when darkness and dispair wanted to take over.
Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5~
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plnas to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." ~Jeremiah 29:11-13~
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
~Revelation 21:4-5~
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. ~Isaiah 25:8~
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18~
You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me. ~Jeremiah 8:18~
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. ~Psalm 56:8~
"It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them." ~Hosea 11:3-4~
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. ~Psalm 23:4~
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. ~Isaiah 40:11~
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. ~Isaiah 49:16~
Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. ~Isaiah 49:13~
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10~
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17~
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has annointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of dispair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. ~Isaiah 61:1-3~
I will give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." ~John 10:28-30~
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." ~Matthew 19:14~
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ~Matthew 6:19-21~
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving. A holiday I had looked forward to. We have a tradition of walking in the bush at the farm and finding the creek again to see if there are any fish in it. Then we always find some clay along the shore and paint our faces...crazy I know...but ever since I've joined my husband's family, it's what we do. I love it! I had looked forward to carrying our new little one through the bush on this walk...however, I was not carrying her today physically, although was definitely carrying her in my heart.
The question posed at lunch was, what are you thankful for. Of course there were the normal answers, thankful for this wonderful meal, for family etc...all of which I am thankful for as well.
This year, the biggest thing that I am thankful for is that I had the chance to hold my daughter. We didn't have that blessing with Jaimie, but I am so thankful that I got to hold Kalyna. I was able to give birth to her - giving her a birth story, I got to hold her, to kiss her soft cheek, to see her curly dark hair, to introduce my family to her. I'm thankful that I have a daughter, eventhough she is in Heaven.
I wish I had been able to verbalize that thought at lunch, although, was feeling like I'd burst into tears if I did...and didn't want to dampen the mood...although I know that it would have been perfectly fine.
And as someone else said, they are thankful that there is a Heaven and that we will get to see Kalyna again. I agree, I am also thankful for Heaven.
I am thankful for Jesus and that He loves me, and that I can be His child because of the sacrifice He made on the cross. Because of that, I know I will see Him one day, and thus will also see my beautiful daughter again as well.
Thank you Jesus for your amazing love.
The question posed at lunch was, what are you thankful for. Of course there were the normal answers, thankful for this wonderful meal, for family etc...all of which I am thankful for as well.
This year, the biggest thing that I am thankful for is that I had the chance to hold my daughter. We didn't have that blessing with Jaimie, but I am so thankful that I got to hold Kalyna. I was able to give birth to her - giving her a birth story, I got to hold her, to kiss her soft cheek, to see her curly dark hair, to introduce my family to her. I'm thankful that I have a daughter, eventhough she is in Heaven.
I wish I had been able to verbalize that thought at lunch, although, was feeling like I'd burst into tears if I did...and didn't want to dampen the mood...although I know that it would have been perfectly fine.
And as someone else said, they are thankful that there is a Heaven and that we will get to see Kalyna again. I agree, I am also thankful for Heaven.
I am thankful for Jesus and that He loves me, and that I can be His child because of the sacrifice He made on the cross. Because of that, I know I will see Him one day, and thus will also see my beautiful daughter again as well.
Thank you Jesus for your amazing love.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Support
I cannot believe how much support we've had. It's overwhelming. I really had no idea how much people care and will support you when you need it.
Our family was incredibly supportive. They were present at the hospital, showing us support, refusing to let us go through it alone, yet giving us the space we needed. They took care of details and cherished the moments they had with our daughter/their granddaughter. They were there for us. Going through it with us and grieving with us. Our immediate family all should their support by coming for Kalyna's service and spending time celebrating her brief life. To our families, thank you.
Our friends were there for us as well. I had to post something on facebook regarding what had happend as I had been talking about my pregnancy on facebook. So many comments were left after that post. So many people telling me they were thinking of us and praying for us and sending hugs our way. Everyone's comments were so precious to me. Letters, cards, emails, gifts, food, verses - so many ways that people showed they cared and that they loved us and our daughter too. We'd only been at our church for just over a year, and the love and support from our church family was overwhelming. Our pastor and his family even left their vacation early to come and do our daughter's service. We had meals from our church family and cards, emails, prayers. So much support. So much love. I can only hope that we can show the same kind of love to others in their time of need.
I just have to put a little plug in for a church family.
Many people wonder why one would be a part of a church...why is it important...well I believe one of those reasons (that is one of many reasons) is to do life with each other. Life is hard. It's impossible when you try to go it alone. When you have people around you who care for you and love you, it makes it possible to get through life.
So I know I haven't said it enough, but thank you so much to all our family and friends who are continuing to support us and are praying for us. We so appreciate all of you.
Our family was incredibly supportive. They were present at the hospital, showing us support, refusing to let us go through it alone, yet giving us the space we needed. They took care of details and cherished the moments they had with our daughter/their granddaughter. They were there for us. Going through it with us and grieving with us. Our immediate family all should their support by coming for Kalyna's service and spending time celebrating her brief life. To our families, thank you.
Our friends were there for us as well. I had to post something on facebook regarding what had happend as I had been talking about my pregnancy on facebook. So many comments were left after that post. So many people telling me they were thinking of us and praying for us and sending hugs our way. Everyone's comments were so precious to me. Letters, cards, emails, gifts, food, verses - so many ways that people showed they cared and that they loved us and our daughter too. We'd only been at our church for just over a year, and the love and support from our church family was overwhelming. Our pastor and his family even left their vacation early to come and do our daughter's service. We had meals from our church family and cards, emails, prayers. So much support. So much love. I can only hope that we can show the same kind of love to others in their time of need.
I just have to put a little plug in for a church family.
Many people wonder why one would be a part of a church...why is it important...well I believe one of those reasons (that is one of many reasons) is to do life with each other. Life is hard. It's impossible when you try to go it alone. When you have people around you who care for you and love you, it makes it possible to get through life.
So I know I haven't said it enough, but thank you so much to all our family and friends who are continuing to support us and are praying for us. We so appreciate all of you.
She's gone
Again life felt like it should just stop. Stop. No more. No one else should be able to keep going on with their lives. Life should be over. But it doesn't work like that...
What were we to do now? Our Kalyna, the one we had been waiting for for nine months plus was gone. We came home to an empty house, an empty baby room. There was no baby crying, no putting the other carseat in the car, no sibling for Micah to be jealous over. Nothing appeared to have changed. But so much had changed. What do we do now? That was the question that I asked over and over again. What do I do now?
Well, in all of that, as easy as it would be to simply give up, it didn't seem possible. I was being upheld by a power stronger than me. It wouldn't let me give up. It wouldn't let me lay down and die. It propelled me onward saying that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that I needed to be present in my life to be used to allow that purpose to transpire. If I gave up, than my daughter's life was for nothing. It was God's power holding me up, keeping me from crumbling. It was God who said that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that if I continued to allow God to work in my life and use me that her purpose would come to be. I had given God my baby when I was newly pregnant and said that I trusted Him, well now I had to practice what I believed. Yes, the worst happened, but I had to keep trusting that God still has a plan and purpose despite all that happened. And what about all those prayers that I prayed every day that my baby would be safe and healthy? Well as my amazing husband says, God technically did answer our prayers. Our Kalyna is safe and healthy. I hadn't thought about it that way. But it was so true. Our Kalyna would never have to experience the pain, hurt, devastation, sickness, sadness, sorrow that this world can bring. She is forever happy in the presence of our Saviour Jesus. She is forever full of love, praising our Saviour on the streets of gold. Forever dancing. Forever innocent and pure. As someone said to me recently, if we can't raise our child, then who better but God to raise our child. It's so true. He's the best, most loving parent there is.
All that being said, we are still here without her. As you can imagine, that is not an easy task. All I want is to hold her again. To kiss her soft cheek, to have sleepless nights, to struggle with breastfeeding, to fall asleep singing to her, to listen to her gurgles and to see the first smile...etc...and on and on I could go. But what does all of that accomplish? well nothing really. Again, as my husband says, she wasn't meant to be in our daily life. She was meant for those 39 weeks. Great things for God will come out of those 39 weeks. We can't spend our time picturing her in our life as she wasn't meant to be in our life in a physical way. As our pastor said, God desires life, so I don't believe that He took her, but this world is controlled by evil - ever since Adam and Eve - it has been controlled by evil. Dangers of being in the womb are one of those consequences of the evil world. However, despite the things that happen as a result of this world, God is still working things for His glory, so others will come to know Him and join Him in Heaven one day. Do I believe God could have saved her - absolutely - He can do all things. Why He chose not to, I don't know, only that it must mean that His glory will be greater with this outcome. With that being the case, I want to make sure that His glory shines from my daughter's life. That God is glorified through her life.
Another thing I struggle with and have to be careful about is letting my thoughts go to "it's not fair". Why is it, that 6 of my friends all have their healthy baby girls born this year and I don't? Why do I have to watch 6 little girls grow up and not being able to experience my own little girl growing up? Why will those 6 little girls not have the priveldge of being my daughter's friends? But again, that kind of thinking only leads to trouble. Life is not fair. It never has been. My life isn't the worst life there is...many people lose children, many people lose multiple children. It's not fair...is not a statment worth contemplating at all. Those little girls are each unique and special in their own way. I will choose (with God's strength) to love each of them and be a loving presence in their lives. I will not be jealous or resentful. Yes, some days I might be a little sad, but each of those little girls will be so precious to me and I will cherish every minute I spend with each of them.
As I sit here writing...it's really no wonder why I feel tired all the time. Everything I do now in life is a choice. I have to fight off the urge to do what is easy and choose to make the right choices. Everyday I need to choose to accept the strength, courage and love that God gives to me. His strength to make the right choices. His courage to live my day with purpose - purpose to share the Good News of Jesus with others, and His love to know that I am not worthless (two babies have died inside of me...it's easy to feel like a complete failure - and to feel that it is all my fault) but find my worth in His love.
What were we to do now? Our Kalyna, the one we had been waiting for for nine months plus was gone. We came home to an empty house, an empty baby room. There was no baby crying, no putting the other carseat in the car, no sibling for Micah to be jealous over. Nothing appeared to have changed. But so much had changed. What do we do now? That was the question that I asked over and over again. What do I do now?
Well, in all of that, as easy as it would be to simply give up, it didn't seem possible. I was being upheld by a power stronger than me. It wouldn't let me give up. It wouldn't let me lay down and die. It propelled me onward saying that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that I needed to be present in my life to be used to allow that purpose to transpire. If I gave up, than my daughter's life was for nothing. It was God's power holding me up, keeping me from crumbling. It was God who said that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that if I continued to allow God to work in my life and use me that her purpose would come to be. I had given God my baby when I was newly pregnant and said that I trusted Him, well now I had to practice what I believed. Yes, the worst happened, but I had to keep trusting that God still has a plan and purpose despite all that happened. And what about all those prayers that I prayed every day that my baby would be safe and healthy? Well as my amazing husband says, God technically did answer our prayers. Our Kalyna is safe and healthy. I hadn't thought about it that way. But it was so true. Our Kalyna would never have to experience the pain, hurt, devastation, sickness, sadness, sorrow that this world can bring. She is forever happy in the presence of our Saviour Jesus. She is forever full of love, praising our Saviour on the streets of gold. Forever dancing. Forever innocent and pure. As someone said to me recently, if we can't raise our child, then who better but God to raise our child. It's so true. He's the best, most loving parent there is.
All that being said, we are still here without her. As you can imagine, that is not an easy task. All I want is to hold her again. To kiss her soft cheek, to have sleepless nights, to struggle with breastfeeding, to fall asleep singing to her, to listen to her gurgles and to see the first smile...etc...and on and on I could go. But what does all of that accomplish? well nothing really. Again, as my husband says, she wasn't meant to be in our daily life. She was meant for those 39 weeks. Great things for God will come out of those 39 weeks. We can't spend our time picturing her in our life as she wasn't meant to be in our life in a physical way. As our pastor said, God desires life, so I don't believe that He took her, but this world is controlled by evil - ever since Adam and Eve - it has been controlled by evil. Dangers of being in the womb are one of those consequences of the evil world. However, despite the things that happen as a result of this world, God is still working things for His glory, so others will come to know Him and join Him in Heaven one day. Do I believe God could have saved her - absolutely - He can do all things. Why He chose not to, I don't know, only that it must mean that His glory will be greater with this outcome. With that being the case, I want to make sure that His glory shines from my daughter's life. That God is glorified through her life.
Another thing I struggle with and have to be careful about is letting my thoughts go to "it's not fair". Why is it, that 6 of my friends all have their healthy baby girls born this year and I don't? Why do I have to watch 6 little girls grow up and not being able to experience my own little girl growing up? Why will those 6 little girls not have the priveldge of being my daughter's friends? But again, that kind of thinking only leads to trouble. Life is not fair. It never has been. My life isn't the worst life there is...many people lose children, many people lose multiple children. It's not fair...is not a statment worth contemplating at all. Those little girls are each unique and special in their own way. I will choose (with God's strength) to love each of them and be a loving presence in their lives. I will not be jealous or resentful. Yes, some days I might be a little sad, but each of those little girls will be so precious to me and I will cherish every minute I spend with each of them.
As I sit here writing...it's really no wonder why I feel tired all the time. Everything I do now in life is a choice. I have to fight off the urge to do what is easy and choose to make the right choices. Everyday I need to choose to accept the strength, courage and love that God gives to me. His strength to make the right choices. His courage to live my day with purpose - purpose to share the Good News of Jesus with others, and His love to know that I am not worthless (two babies have died inside of me...it's easy to feel like a complete failure - and to feel that it is all my fault) but find my worth in His love.
Kalyna Leanne's Story
Let me tell you about our beautiful daughter Kalyna Leanne. Her story begins with my intense desire to be pregnant again after having miscarried with Jaimie. We were told to wait three months before we tried again to have a baby since my body needed time to heal and prepare again. Although I was tempted to try before that, we wanted the baby to have the best chance to make it, so we waited the full three months before trying again. Needless to say we were pregnant again near the end of October. What wonderfulness, mixed with a lot of fear and apprehension. What happens if we lose this baby again...what will we do?? What will I do? I had to give my baby up to God; that whatever happens He would see us through. There was no way I would make it otherwise, I'd be a complete wreck worrying all the time. So I gave my baby to God knowing that He loves my baby more than I do, and no matter what I would trust Him and His plans.
Well little did I know how much I would need to do that. The pregnancy itself was rough. I had a subchorionic bleed at about 11 weeks - Christmas Day we ended up in emerg. Thankfully the baby still had a heart beat and all was good, but I was on bed rest for the next day. We eventually found out about the subchorionic bleed and I wasn't allowed to life Micah anymore. That was rough. I had to get really creative to even leave the house as I couldn't lift him into the car. Anyways, we made it through that part, and in the process had many many ultrasounds to check on things and how they were going. It was nice to get to see our little baby many times and to see her heart beating strong (we didn't know she was a girl at the time though).
I started going into labour early Tuesday morning, July 10th. They weren't very strong and were quite far apart. So I just went about my day normally thinking it was probably going to be awhile. My friend came over and we hung out around the house. I kept telling her how much the baby was moving, having the hiccups etc. The baby moved all morning and all afternoon until my friend left and then I laid down with Micah for a bit. I then did some cleaning up and realized I hadn't felt the baby move in a bit. I was doing the lying down and trying to count movements, but wasn't having any luck. I could usually poke and push a little and I would get some movement. By the time Albert was home I was worried and we headed to the hospital. It wasn't long before we were again hearing those words "the baby has no heartbeat". Complete devastation.
I think I was in shock most of that night as I lay awake in the hospital room while slowly being induced.
Our beautiful daughter Kalyna Leanne was born at 8:10am on July 11th. She was born completely wrapped up in the cord. The cord was believed to be the cause of death. How awful.
She weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was almost 22 inches long. She had dark curly hair a cute nose that looked like Micah's and long legs. She was so beautiful. We spent the day lovingly adoring our beautiful daughter while we held her and introduced her grandparents and uncle to her.
I love her name. Albert picked out her first name and her middle name is a combination of many members of our family. Kalyna means guelder rose and her middle name means meadow of Grace. I think it's so fitting that her name is Rose in the Meadow of Grace.
She is my sweet beautiful girl that I will remember forever and think of always. I will always picture her in Heaven with Jesus and look forward to the day when I will get to hold her again.
Well little did I know how much I would need to do that. The pregnancy itself was rough. I had a subchorionic bleed at about 11 weeks - Christmas Day we ended up in emerg. Thankfully the baby still had a heart beat and all was good, but I was on bed rest for the next day. We eventually found out about the subchorionic bleed and I wasn't allowed to life Micah anymore. That was rough. I had to get really creative to even leave the house as I couldn't lift him into the car. Anyways, we made it through that part, and in the process had many many ultrasounds to check on things and how they were going. It was nice to get to see our little baby many times and to see her heart beating strong (we didn't know she was a girl at the time though).
I started going into labour early Tuesday morning, July 10th. They weren't very strong and were quite far apart. So I just went about my day normally thinking it was probably going to be awhile. My friend came over and we hung out around the house. I kept telling her how much the baby was moving, having the hiccups etc. The baby moved all morning and all afternoon until my friend left and then I laid down with Micah for a bit. I then did some cleaning up and realized I hadn't felt the baby move in a bit. I was doing the lying down and trying to count movements, but wasn't having any luck. I could usually poke and push a little and I would get some movement. By the time Albert was home I was worried and we headed to the hospital. It wasn't long before we were again hearing those words "the baby has no heartbeat". Complete devastation.
I think I was in shock most of that night as I lay awake in the hospital room while slowly being induced.
Our beautiful daughter Kalyna Leanne was born at 8:10am on July 11th. She was born completely wrapped up in the cord. The cord was believed to be the cause of death. How awful.
She weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was almost 22 inches long. She had dark curly hair a cute nose that looked like Micah's and long legs. She was so beautiful. We spent the day lovingly adoring our beautiful daughter while we held her and introduced her grandparents and uncle to her.
I love her name. Albert picked out her first name and her middle name is a combination of many members of our family. Kalyna means guelder rose and her middle name means meadow of Grace. I think it's so fitting that her name is Rose in the Meadow of Grace.
She is my sweet beautiful girl that I will remember forever and think of always. I will always picture her in Heaven with Jesus and look forward to the day when I will get to hold her again.
Kalyna Leanne
July 11 2012
Forever Loved
Forever Safe in the Arms of Jesus
I believe Kalyna's legacy is all that follows...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Jaimie's Story
Let me tell you about our little Jaimie. The story begins shortly after we moved. After settling in and doing some painting in our new house, we were overjoyed to be expecting our second child (May 2011). We were so excited! Excited at the prospect of having another child and excited that Micah would have a sibling! How wonderful. We were about 9 weeks pregnant when we started sharing the news with our family and a couple close friends.
At the time we were still searching for a church family. We had been to a few, but for some reason they just didn't feel like the right fit for our family. I was pretty lonely. Before we moved, I had so many different people that I would meet with, but now there really was no one except my parents. Then just after Canada Day, we decided to try the SEMC. It was the same denomination as our previous church - not something we are hung up on, but we hadn't found a good fit amongst the other churches we had attended, so we decided to try it. The people there were so welcoming and dropped whatever they were doing to talk to us and show us around the church. We immediately felt loved and felt like perhaps this is where we should be.
It was the Wednesday after that Sunday that we found ourselves being told by the ultrasound technician that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. Our precious little one had passed away.
What devistating news. This news brought all my hopes and dreams to a crashing halt. I had heard of miscarriages before, but I had never felt the emotional pain that a miscarriage brings. That and being one who dislikes hospitals and in general being in someone else's control and not my own also terrified me as I had to meet with a doctor I didn't know and was told I needed minor surgery. Something I really didn't ever want to experience...and it just felt wrong. Whether that was the right or wrong decision, I don't know. Apparently my body wasn't doing anything about my little baby that passed away and so there needed to be some medical intervention. What a wretched thing. Thankfully they put me to sleep for the whole ordeal, but I must say I was a wreck. Complete wreck. Thankfully Albert was my rock through that. I couldn't have made it without him. I never wanted to talk about it again after it was over. All I wanted was to be pregant again and have a baby. I had trouble sleeping and I constantly wanted to escape my life by being lost in a book so I could disappear into someone else's life.
Our little Jaimie's day was July 11, 2011.
Well clearly God was there through that as well. I know I wasn't relying on Him as I should have been through that time, but He was there nonetheless and took us to exactly where we needed to be. We went back to SEMC that next Sunday, and although no one knew what had transpired that week in our lives, (I balled in the bathroom during the singing), we felt loved and continued to attend.
As life continued on, as it always does even after you think it should stop, we kept attending SEMC. As I listened to the sermons my heart began to heal. I began to see my favourite verse in a different light. Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Well you may notice that it's refering to God's plans...not my plans. My plans were to have a family - 4 or 5 kids hopefully and all less than two years apart... I know specific...but I had my reasons..., however, I have learned that I need to trust God for what His plans are for my life. Seeking Him daily for what His plans are, and when something goes wrong to know that He has it under control. I remember singing the song "All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender all, into your hands." How true it is and yet how hard it is. Hard to give God all, everything. Knowing that He knows best and when our ambitions, hopes and plans come crashing down, that He still has His plans, hopes and ambitions for our lives, even if they aren't what we had originally pictured.
As you can see we learned a lot through Jaimie. We became stronger, relying more on God and ready to share God's love and Good News with others.
Jaimie's legacy included Upward Basketball at SEMC.
That's a whole other amazing thing that came out of Jaimie's life (as brief as it was here on earth although is forever in eternity with Jesus). We started the Upward Basketball program at SEMC. Something that probably wouldn't have happened if Jaimie had been born in January as that was right during the busy time of running that first season. We had about 50 kids registered for our first Upward season, which was such a blessing that we were able to show God's love to those kids and their families. I was even able to share my miscarriage story with our families at Upward -something I thought I would never be able to do. We were also so blessed to have some wonderful volunteers and half-time speakers to share how God has been and is working in their lives with our Upward families as well. Jaimie's life is still having an impact as we are beginning our second season of Upward Basketball at SEMC. If you would like more information, please go to www.sarniaemc.org ! Thanks! :)
At the time we were still searching for a church family. We had been to a few, but for some reason they just didn't feel like the right fit for our family. I was pretty lonely. Before we moved, I had so many different people that I would meet with, but now there really was no one except my parents. Then just after Canada Day, we decided to try the SEMC. It was the same denomination as our previous church - not something we are hung up on, but we hadn't found a good fit amongst the other churches we had attended, so we decided to try it. The people there were so welcoming and dropped whatever they were doing to talk to us and show us around the church. We immediately felt loved and felt like perhaps this is where we should be.
It was the Wednesday after that Sunday that we found ourselves being told by the ultrasound technician that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. Our precious little one had passed away.
What devistating news. This news brought all my hopes and dreams to a crashing halt. I had heard of miscarriages before, but I had never felt the emotional pain that a miscarriage brings. That and being one who dislikes hospitals and in general being in someone else's control and not my own also terrified me as I had to meet with a doctor I didn't know and was told I needed minor surgery. Something I really didn't ever want to experience...and it just felt wrong. Whether that was the right or wrong decision, I don't know. Apparently my body wasn't doing anything about my little baby that passed away and so there needed to be some medical intervention. What a wretched thing. Thankfully they put me to sleep for the whole ordeal, but I must say I was a wreck. Complete wreck. Thankfully Albert was my rock through that. I couldn't have made it without him. I never wanted to talk about it again after it was over. All I wanted was to be pregant again and have a baby. I had trouble sleeping and I constantly wanted to escape my life by being lost in a book so I could disappear into someone else's life.
Our little Jaimie's day was July 11, 2011.
Well clearly God was there through that as well. I know I wasn't relying on Him as I should have been through that time, but He was there nonetheless and took us to exactly where we needed to be. We went back to SEMC that next Sunday, and although no one knew what had transpired that week in our lives, (I balled in the bathroom during the singing), we felt loved and continued to attend.
As life continued on, as it always does even after you think it should stop, we kept attending SEMC. As I listened to the sermons my heart began to heal. I began to see my favourite verse in a different light. Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Well you may notice that it's refering to God's plans...not my plans. My plans were to have a family - 4 or 5 kids hopefully and all less than two years apart... I know specific...but I had my reasons..., however, I have learned that I need to trust God for what His plans are for my life. Seeking Him daily for what His plans are, and when something goes wrong to know that He has it under control. I remember singing the song "All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender all, into your hands." How true it is and yet how hard it is. Hard to give God all, everything. Knowing that He knows best and when our ambitions, hopes and plans come crashing down, that He still has His plans, hopes and ambitions for our lives, even if they aren't what we had originally pictured.
As you can see we learned a lot through Jaimie. We became stronger, relying more on God and ready to share God's love and Good News with others.
Jaimie's legacy included Upward Basketball at SEMC.
That's a whole other amazing thing that came out of Jaimie's life (as brief as it was here on earth although is forever in eternity with Jesus). We started the Upward Basketball program at SEMC. Something that probably wouldn't have happened if Jaimie had been born in January as that was right during the busy time of running that first season. We had about 50 kids registered for our first Upward season, which was such a blessing that we were able to show God's love to those kids and their families. I was even able to share my miscarriage story with our families at Upward -something I thought I would never be able to do. We were also so blessed to have some wonderful volunteers and half-time speakers to share how God has been and is working in their lives with our Upward families as well. Jaimie's life is still having an impact as we are beginning our second season of Upward Basketball at SEMC. If you would like more information, please go to www.sarniaemc.org ! Thanks! :)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A little background...
For those who don't know me all that well, I thought I'd provide a few background details.
I became a Christian when I was a child. I distinctly remember the night that I decided that I wanted to know for sure that I was a Christian and so I prayed asking God to live in me and to forgive me. It's strange how I can remember that memory even now...assurance from God, I guess, that I indeed am one of His children and that He loves me.
I'm going to skip my childhood...cause that would take years to write and just jump ahead to my married life...
Albert and I met at University and were married the summer we graduated. August 18, 2007. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed it very much and then followed it up with a honeymoon at a cottage. I am so blessed to have Albert in my life. He loves me, supports me, cares for me and laughs with me. He loves God and wants to live for God. He pushes me to be a better Christian than I am. He is my backbone and gives me the support I need to follow where God leads. I love him so much. He is always by my side.
Our first year we spent living in a little upstairs appartment. I went to Teacher's college and Albert worked for an engineering company. We began attending BCC in September of 2007. We had planned on visiting a number of churches, but after our first visit there we were invited to the Pastor's house for dinner and from there we were in a small group and were hooked!
Our second year of marriage we moved to a basement appartment because I got my first teaching job and that way we were more inbetween where both our jobs were. Then after my first year of teaching we bought our first house (the beginning of our 3rd year of marriage). I was still teaching and Albert sill worked for the same company. This is the year we got invovled in Upward Basketball. What a great ministry! Combining two of my favourite things - Jesus and basketball! Albert and I discovered we worked well as a team as we co-coached a team of about 8 grade 4 to grade 6s. Those kids will always have a special place in our hearts.
That year, we also welcomed our first child to the world - Micah Albert, 8 pounds, 2 ounces, on July 14, 2010. He was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I don't think anything can ever prepare one for the jump to parenthood...it is the most wonderful thing, but it definitely comes with a rocky beginning. We've definitely had some bumps along the way with him, especially at the beginning...many sleepless nights and tearful days....as most new moms' would atest too, but all for a good reason and gradually we got used to them and hormones and sleep were under control again. I can't say enough about my handsome little man. He astounds me every day, and I thank God that He gave me Micah, who has been such a source of joy to all that meet him. I marvel at him daily and can't believe I am so blessed to have him in my life.
The year Micah was born set off a chain of big changes in our life and possibly set our life on a different course than what might have been...
To make a long story short, Albert ended up being offered a position in his company at a different location. If he took the transfer, this would mean a move for our family. A move away from the comfortable life we had created already created. The move had both pros and cons. Looking back now, it's hard to say whether it was the right thing to do or not. We prayed about it and thought about it a lot...and in the end we did move. Did life get easier? No, definitely harder. Is life supposed to be easy...I really don't think so. So we'll go with that. I'm inclined to think that the move was what God wanted us to do...He's been more real to me in the past couple of years than before...and probably because I've drawn closer to Him as well.
Anyways, we moved.
I became a Christian when I was a child. I distinctly remember the night that I decided that I wanted to know for sure that I was a Christian and so I prayed asking God to live in me and to forgive me. It's strange how I can remember that memory even now...assurance from God, I guess, that I indeed am one of His children and that He loves me.
I'm going to skip my childhood...cause that would take years to write and just jump ahead to my married life...
Albert and I met at University and were married the summer we graduated. August 18, 2007. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed it very much and then followed it up with a honeymoon at a cottage. I am so blessed to have Albert in my life. He loves me, supports me, cares for me and laughs with me. He loves God and wants to live for God. He pushes me to be a better Christian than I am. He is my backbone and gives me the support I need to follow where God leads. I love him so much. He is always by my side.
Our first year we spent living in a little upstairs appartment. I went to Teacher's college and Albert worked for an engineering company. We began attending BCC in September of 2007. We had planned on visiting a number of churches, but after our first visit there we were invited to the Pastor's house for dinner and from there we were in a small group and were hooked!
Our second year of marriage we moved to a basement appartment because I got my first teaching job and that way we were more inbetween where both our jobs were. Then after my first year of teaching we bought our first house (the beginning of our 3rd year of marriage). I was still teaching and Albert sill worked for the same company. This is the year we got invovled in Upward Basketball. What a great ministry! Combining two of my favourite things - Jesus and basketball! Albert and I discovered we worked well as a team as we co-coached a team of about 8 grade 4 to grade 6s. Those kids will always have a special place in our hearts.
That year, we also welcomed our first child to the world - Micah Albert, 8 pounds, 2 ounces, on July 14, 2010. He was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I don't think anything can ever prepare one for the jump to parenthood...it is the most wonderful thing, but it definitely comes with a rocky beginning. We've definitely had some bumps along the way with him, especially at the beginning...many sleepless nights and tearful days....as most new moms' would atest too, but all for a good reason and gradually we got used to them and hormones and sleep were under control again. I can't say enough about my handsome little man. He astounds me every day, and I thank God that He gave me Micah, who has been such a source of joy to all that meet him. I marvel at him daily and can't believe I am so blessed to have him in my life.
The year Micah was born set off a chain of big changes in our life and possibly set our life on a different course than what might have been...
To make a long story short, Albert ended up being offered a position in his company at a different location. If he took the transfer, this would mean a move for our family. A move away from the comfortable life we had created already created. The move had both pros and cons. Looking back now, it's hard to say whether it was the right thing to do or not. We prayed about it and thought about it a lot...and in the end we did move. Did life get easier? No, definitely harder. Is life supposed to be easy...I really don't think so. So we'll go with that. I'm inclined to think that the move was what God wanted us to do...He's been more real to me in the past couple of years than before...and probably because I've drawn closer to Him as well.
Anyways, we moved.
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