Well, things around here are looking a little bit different than they were a few weeks ago. Our little Christmas tree is up - proudly displaying our Kalyna and Jaimie beautiful snowflake ornament near the top of the tree. I do think our tree looks pretty awesome - that's mostly because I love a tree decorated by a kid. I let Micah dictate where most of the ornaments would go. Soooo we have quite a few at his level...hehehehe and then we lifted him up for a few more, but it's definitely a kid-decorated tree...love it! Yes the Christmas box came out of the basement and some Christmas decor was set up. Nothing over the top...just a few things set out...but it's definitely more Christmassy than it was before. Why the sudden change? I guess over the past few weeks I have learned a lot, and come to realize....realize again.....I probably just never considered it before, that Christmas really has nothing to do with feelings....especially my feelings.
I guess that I had become a little lost in my Bible readings...wasn't sure what to read next, what word to key in on for verses...I felt like I was lacking joy....feeling overwhelmed and unsure of how I was going to make it through this Christmas season in light of all the disappointments I've had this year. This Christmas was certainly not playing out to be the Christmas I had envisioned before July. I wasn't going to be able to spend my daughter's first Christmas with her. I wasn't sure I would be able to cope with that very well.
Well, as I think I have alluded to earlier in some of my posts, I started reading a reading plan from www.youversion.com - which is simply the Bible online...but it also has some reading plans. So I looked for one that had to do with Christmas and Joy...and then looked up the author as well. It was apparently put there exactly for me right now ....cause it's been really great at helping me to refocus on what the real and true purpose for Christmas is.
https://www.youversion.com/reading-plans/396-joy-to-your-world
It has been an amazing blessing to dive into the Christmas story that we all know so well and find out that it also has important truths for my own life as well. Especially ones that relate to my exact life now. If you're interested in reading them for yourself, check it out, I would highly recommend it! If you decide to go through the plan, you also may want to stop reading because I'm going to list some of the take home points from my devotions next! :) Or feel free to keep reading :)
1. Although Elizabeth and Zechariah had empty arms and dashed hopes, they continued to serve God wholeheartedly as the long years continued to pass.
2. Elizabeth and Zechariah continued to walk by faith and not by sight.
3. Trust God even when your circumstances are challenging. Continue to live a righeous life through days of disappointment.
4. Pray feverently, believe that God is listening to your prayers.
5. Continue to embrace a positive heart attitude.
6. Continue to pray with expectation and hope.
7. "Lord prepare me for what You are preparing for me."
8. Christmas is a moment in history when peace is abundantly possible because of the Baby who came to bring peace for all of the ages.
9. Being highly favoured by God does not mean a life of unbroken happiness nor does it promise that all of your dreams will come true.
10. That God would desire to use me at this time in history - is a gift.
11. Christmas is about the Holy Spirit bringing peace and joy through a Baby boy to the mess that we have made of planet earth.
12. Create something in me that will change this generation for the Kingdom of Christ.
13. Our plans pale in comparison to His interruptions. The most significant desire that you will ever embrace is to ask God to interrupt your life with His love and His plans.
14. Christmas is not about me. Christmas is about dying to self, to preference and to normalcy.
15. Christmas is about the intervention of God into our ordinary lives; it is about Christ being born into our disappointments and failures.
16. God is looking for those who willingly submit to His ways and plans simply because their heart completely belongs to Him.
17. God desires men and women who will allow Him to interrupt their well-thought out lives with His unbelieveable plans.
18. Do not allow Christmas to be defined by your disappointment, but allow your disappointment to be forever changed because of Christmas.
19. You are here to reveal the character and heart of God. It is what righteous people do - not only at Christmas but 365 days of the year.
20. Christmas has given us the assurance that while living on earth, we can be the beneficiaries of heaven's joy.
And that's only after reading 11 days of the 25 day plan!
I love the way it has encouraged me to re-adjust my thinking about Christmas this year. What a blessing! I hope it will be a blessing to you as well! :)
Wednesday, December 19, 2012
Friday, December 14, 2012
Another good song
I think this song and the first one I posted, both pretty much sum up my feelings this Christmas.
I love how songs are capable to display feelings so well. It's just lovely. :)
Anyways enjoy! :)
"Christmas Makes Me Cry" - Matthew West & Mandisa
I think of loved ones who’ve passed away
And I pray they’re resting in a better place
I think of memories of years gone by
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
I think of soldiers across the sea
And sometimes I wonder why it’s them instead of me
That for my freedom they give their lives
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
Tears of thankfulness
Tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas
Because I know
There is peace on Earth
For every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
I think of family, I think of home
And say a prayer for those who spend this time alone
‘Cause love can reach out into a silent night
And that’s why Christmas makes me cry
Tears of thankfulness
Tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas
Because I know
There is peace on Earth
For every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
I think of Mary and a virgin birth
And I’m amazed by how much God thinks we are worth
That He would send His only son to die
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
Tears of thankfulness
Tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas
Because I know
There is peace on Earth
For every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
Christmas makes me cry
I love how songs are capable to display feelings so well. It's just lovely. :)
Anyways enjoy! :)
"Christmas Makes Me Cry" - Matthew West & Mandisa
I think of loved ones who’ve passed away
And I pray they’re resting in a better place
I think of memories of years gone by
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
I think of soldiers across the sea
And sometimes I wonder why it’s them instead of me
That for my freedom they give their lives
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
Tears of thankfulness
Tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas
Because I know
There is peace on Earth
For every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
I think of family, I think of home
And say a prayer for those who spend this time alone
‘Cause love can reach out into a silent night
And that’s why Christmas makes me cry
Tears of thankfulness
Tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas
Because I know
There is peace on Earth
For every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
I think of Mary and a virgin birth
And I’m amazed by how much God thinks we are worth
That He would send His only son to die
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
Tears of thankfulness
Tears of hope
I cry tears of joy at Christmas
Because I know
There is peace on Earth
For every heart to find
And sometimes Christmas makes me cry
Christmas makes me cry
Thursday, December 13, 2012
Just a good song
Just heard this on the radio...so touching & meaningful.
"This Christmas (Father Of The Fatherless)" by Toby Mac
"This Christmas (Father Of The Fatherless)" by Toby Mac
Now Jonnie never got his wish December 25th
That’s what he said when we left the orphanage
Nine years old, but Jonnie was an old soul
Gonna spend his first Christmas in a real home
Then he showed me a picture he made the night before
A drawing of a man standin’ outside the door
He said, “I see him in my dreams
He comforts me when I can’t sleep”
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas
This Christmas
“Believe in angels?”
He asked starin’ at the sky
I said I do and saw a sparkle in his eye
Big brother for the weekend, respondin’ to the season
I took the chance that givin’s better than receivin’
Two nights, a new family, some holiday cheer
We laughed and sang
Came on a midnight clear
We gave, received, and as we headed to a close
We looked to the heavens, and it started snowing blessings
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
[James 1:27]
Religion that God our Father
Accepts as pure and faultless is this:
That we look after orphans and widows in their distress
Merry Christmas everyone
Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
Big brother turned dad in a couple weeks
Some gifts give more than you could ever dream
Started out as a plan just to do my part,
But that little man went and stole my heart
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
[x2]
From me and mine, to you and yours…
Merry Christmas
This year, reach out and love somebody, y’all
That’s what he said when we left the orphanage
Nine years old, but Jonnie was an old soul
Gonna spend his first Christmas in a real home
Then he showed me a picture he made the night before
A drawing of a man standin’ outside the door
He said, “I see him in my dreams
He comforts me when I can’t sleep”
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas
This Christmas
“Believe in angels?”
He asked starin’ at the sky
I said I do and saw a sparkle in his eye
Big brother for the weekend, respondin’ to the season
I took the chance that givin’s better than receivin’
Two nights, a new family, some holiday cheer
We laughed and sang
Came on a midnight clear
We gave, received, and as we headed to a close
We looked to the heavens, and it started snowing blessings
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
[James 1:27]
Religion that God our Father
Accepts as pure and faultless is this:
That we look after orphans and widows in their distress
Merry Christmas everyone
Joy to the world
The Lord is come
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
Big brother turned dad in a couple weeks
Some gifts give more than you could ever dream
Started out as a plan just to do my part,
But that little man went and stole my heart
Father of the fatherless
Be with your sons and daughters this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Father let us not forget
The children who are all alone this Christmas, this Christmas
(You ain’t livin’ ‘til you choose to give Love and joy and peace to one of His)
Let Heaven and nature sing
Let Heaven and nature sing
[x2]
From me and mine, to you and yours…
Merry Christmas
This year, reach out and love somebody, y’all
Wednesday, December 12, 2012
Prayer
Everyday I am learning, growing and being strengthened in faith. One of the things I was thinking about lately is prayer.
I started thinking, with everything that has gone on....where does prayer for what we hope to happen come into play? We pray for healing, we pray for safety, we pray for health, pray for children....but what happens when those things don't happen....someone doesn't get better, someone is hurt, or dies etc. If we believe in the will of God and that God is Sovereign then whether someone is healed or not seems to already pre-determined by His will. We can pray and pray for healing but if it isn't God's will then it won't happen....so why pray that way?
I understand praying for comfort, for strength, - I've felt those in very real ways....God has given me those for certain -something I've prayed for and I'm sure others have prayed for that for us as well.
But what about praying for events, healing, things to happen, divorces not to happen, people not to die etc...??
As I was thinking about this, I asked someone I trust and respect this question. The answer I received was quite simple yet very true and really answers the question well.
For the answer, we go to the Bible...
We are going to Matthew where the answer to this question is simply one of seeing the example that Jesus set - we're picking up the story of Jesus when He was with his disciples in the garden of Gethsemane.
Matthew 26:38-39 & 42-44
Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
...
He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
If you then look in Luke, while Jesus was praying we read this:
Luke 22:41-44
He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
If our goal is to be like Jesus, then we ought to pray like Jesus too. So Jesus prayed that the cross be taken away - multiple times! Yet He trusted His Father enough to know that God knew best and that ultimately it was God's will that would be done and not His own. So to me this says, (And what I was reminded of today) we ought to pray for what it is that we desire, however, pray knowing that ultimately it's going to be God's will that is done. He is sovereign and we have to trust, just like Jesus did, that God knows best. This is so hard because we can't understand it...we don't understand God's will....so it's hard to carry on....but (as I was also reminded of today) we can't just stay in the place of not understanding...we have to carry on to see what is God's will for us. To see/do what is His will for our lives. We have to carry on, and that doesn't diminish what happened, but we can't stay in that place of confusion and be consumed by it. And so we continue on - on to do what comes next.
The other thing that I realized when reading the passage in Luke, is that it says that an angel appeared to Jesus and strengthened Him. This makes me think that, it's true, God didn't take away the cross from Jesus - it was part of His greater plan - the plan of our Salvation - but He did give Jesus strength and comfort to get through the awfulness of it all. It was truly awful...something Jesus didn't want to go through either. The physical pain, the emotional pain. Simply horrific. But He overcame it victoriously. He continued through...He never gave up.
So all this summed up to me says, we pray and we continue to pray just like Jesus did. Pray for our desires, yet pray that God's will be done...and if God's will is different from our desires, then He will provide us with what we need to continue on, as difficult as it might be, and as awful as the situation may seem to us. For our God is Sovereign, all knowing and is LOVE.
I started thinking, with everything that has gone on....where does prayer for what we hope to happen come into play? We pray for healing, we pray for safety, we pray for health, pray for children....but what happens when those things don't happen....someone doesn't get better, someone is hurt, or dies etc. If we believe in the will of God and that God is Sovereign then whether someone is healed or not seems to already pre-determined by His will. We can pray and pray for healing but if it isn't God's will then it won't happen....so why pray that way?
I understand praying for comfort, for strength, - I've felt those in very real ways....God has given me those for certain -something I've prayed for and I'm sure others have prayed for that for us as well.
But what about praying for events, healing, things to happen, divorces not to happen, people not to die etc...??
As I was thinking about this, I asked someone I trust and respect this question. The answer I received was quite simple yet very true and really answers the question well.
For the answer, we go to the Bible...
We are going to Matthew where the answer to this question is simply one of seeing the example that Jesus set - we're picking up the story of Jesus when He was with his disciples in the garden of Gethsemane.
Matthew 26:38-39 & 42-44
Then he said to them, "My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death. Stay here and keep watch with me." Going a little farther, he fell with his face to the ground and prayed, "My Father, if it is possible, may this cup be taken from me. Yet not as I will, but as you will."
...
He went away a second time and prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible for this cup to be taken away unless I drink it, may your will be done."
When he came back, he again found them sleeping, because their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away once more and prayed the third time, saying the same thing.
If you then look in Luke, while Jesus was praying we read this:
Luke 22:41-44
He withdrew about a stone's throw beyond them, knelt down and prayed, "Father, if you are willing, take this cup from me; yet not my will, but yours be done." An angel from heaven appeared to him and strengthened him. And being in anguish, he prayed more earnestly, and his sweat was like drops of blood falling to the ground.
If our goal is to be like Jesus, then we ought to pray like Jesus too. So Jesus prayed that the cross be taken away - multiple times! Yet He trusted His Father enough to know that God knew best and that ultimately it was God's will that would be done and not His own. So to me this says, (And what I was reminded of today) we ought to pray for what it is that we desire, however, pray knowing that ultimately it's going to be God's will that is done. He is sovereign and we have to trust, just like Jesus did, that God knows best. This is so hard because we can't understand it...we don't understand God's will....so it's hard to carry on....but (as I was also reminded of today) we can't just stay in the place of not understanding...we have to carry on to see what is God's will for us. To see/do what is His will for our lives. We have to carry on, and that doesn't diminish what happened, but we can't stay in that place of confusion and be consumed by it. And so we continue on - on to do what comes next.
The other thing that I realized when reading the passage in Luke, is that it says that an angel appeared to Jesus and strengthened Him. This makes me think that, it's true, God didn't take away the cross from Jesus - it was part of His greater plan - the plan of our Salvation - but He did give Jesus strength and comfort to get through the awfulness of it all. It was truly awful...something Jesus didn't want to go through either. The physical pain, the emotional pain. Simply horrific. But He overcame it victoriously. He continued through...He never gave up.
So all this summed up to me says, we pray and we continue to pray just like Jesus did. Pray for our desires, yet pray that God's will be done...and if God's will is different from our desires, then He will provide us with what we need to continue on, as difficult as it might be, and as awful as the situation may seem to us. For our God is Sovereign, all knowing and is LOVE.
Tuesday, December 11, 2012
Every Day Encouragement
Days keep passing, weeks, months...can you believe we're at the 5 month mark of my Kalyna's birth?
She's 5 months today, smiling and cooing away in Heaven - or as I also picture her - a little girl dancing and twirling with a huge smile on her face.
It's been 5 long difficult and emotional months filled with devastation and sadness.
But it has also been 5 months filled with so much love and support, growth, hope and encouragement and even maybe a little excitment and happiness.
It's hard to believe that the two can come together. But they truly can. I can honestly say there has never been a moment when I have felt alone in the past 5 months. I firstly have a God who hasn't and won't let me go. He is holding me fast and firmly and isn't letting go. He gives me strength to get up in the morning, strength to make it through my day, strength in all my interactions and strength to be the best follower of Jesus, mom and wife I can be.
Secondly, I have a whole army of supporters who stand behind me. When filling out one of the adoption form papers, it asked the question, do we have people who will support us in the decision to adopt (or something like that) and then it had options, no one, some people, a few people, many people - and I had to check many people. So many people have taken the time to go out of their way to encourage us through these past 5 months. It's not easy to walk with someone through grief, but we are blessed to have many people who seem more than willing to do something to encourage us and let us know they are walking with us.
Encouragement comes in all forms - whether it's a Bible verse, or a Bible reading plan (something I just started - if you are interested check out: You Version online reading plans - I'm reading one called: Joy! To Your World! in preparation of Christmas and it's really really good. A great encouragement to me. Especially to help me focus on Jesus and how to be joyful this time of year and how it's ok to celebrate because I'm celebrating Jesus.
Encouragement in the form of timely emails - whether someone finds a quote or a song or shares a story, or lets me know they are praying or thinking of us - it lifts my heart.
Sometimes it's a card in the mail - still even 5 months in, that someone is thinking of us and sends a card. It astounds me how people just know.
Encouragement in knowing that I always have someone to spend the 11th with.
Encouragement in letting me know people are available to talk, or to put me on the right path again when my vision gets clouded and out of alignment. (yes I am struggling with Christmas - but I do have a 2 year old who is here and would benefit greatly from a Christmas tree and some Christmas decorations - he is loving Christmas lights!) - so yes, I should pull out the Christmas decoration bin from downstairs....today hopefully....and the tree should be next on our list ... :)
Encouragement, even in the simplest form of a like button.
Encouragement in the form of people clapping. Couldn't help but smile at that one.
Encouragement, in a phone call, letting us know that our paperwork has been received and we are signed up for a PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) course that is coming up soon! Another step on our journey to adoption. It makes my heart sing!
Encouragement - I have been so blessed, and my family has been so blessed, by all the encouragement we've received. Knowing that I'm not alone/and my family isn't alone and never will be in my/our ups and downs of emotions. I have an army behind me....an army that God orchestrated because He knew what I would need to carry on. He is so good our God. And I know that I can continue to carry on because He's got that all under control and will continue to give me what I need to carry on in the best way possible...not just existing...but living for HIM!
God certainly knew what He was talking about when in His word we read:
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
~Hebrews 10:23-25~
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
~1 Thessalonians 5:11~
And so, thank you to all who provide intentional encouragement. With your encouragement to me, I can in turn encourage others and hopefully encourage you as well. What a blessing.
She's 5 months today, smiling and cooing away in Heaven - or as I also picture her - a little girl dancing and twirling with a huge smile on her face.
It's been 5 long difficult and emotional months filled with devastation and sadness.
But it has also been 5 months filled with so much love and support, growth, hope and encouragement and even maybe a little excitment and happiness.
It's hard to believe that the two can come together. But they truly can. I can honestly say there has never been a moment when I have felt alone in the past 5 months. I firstly have a God who hasn't and won't let me go. He is holding me fast and firmly and isn't letting go. He gives me strength to get up in the morning, strength to make it through my day, strength in all my interactions and strength to be the best follower of Jesus, mom and wife I can be.
Secondly, I have a whole army of supporters who stand behind me. When filling out one of the adoption form papers, it asked the question, do we have people who will support us in the decision to adopt (or something like that) and then it had options, no one, some people, a few people, many people - and I had to check many people. So many people have taken the time to go out of their way to encourage us through these past 5 months. It's not easy to walk with someone through grief, but we are blessed to have many people who seem more than willing to do something to encourage us and let us know they are walking with us.
Encouragement comes in all forms - whether it's a Bible verse, or a Bible reading plan (something I just started - if you are interested check out: You Version online reading plans - I'm reading one called: Joy! To Your World! in preparation of Christmas and it's really really good. A great encouragement to me. Especially to help me focus on Jesus and how to be joyful this time of year and how it's ok to celebrate because I'm celebrating Jesus.
Encouragement in the form of timely emails - whether someone finds a quote or a song or shares a story, or lets me know they are praying or thinking of us - it lifts my heart.
Sometimes it's a card in the mail - still even 5 months in, that someone is thinking of us and sends a card. It astounds me how people just know.
Encouragement in knowing that I always have someone to spend the 11th with.
Encouragement in letting me know people are available to talk, or to put me on the right path again when my vision gets clouded and out of alignment. (yes I am struggling with Christmas - but I do have a 2 year old who is here and would benefit greatly from a Christmas tree and some Christmas decorations - he is loving Christmas lights!) - so yes, I should pull out the Christmas decoration bin from downstairs....today hopefully....and the tree should be next on our list ... :)
Encouragement, even in the simplest form of a like button.
Encouragement in the form of people clapping. Couldn't help but smile at that one.
Encouragement, in a phone call, letting us know that our paperwork has been received and we are signed up for a PRIDE (Parent Resources for Information, Development and Education) course that is coming up soon! Another step on our journey to adoption. It makes my heart sing!
Encouragement - I have been so blessed, and my family has been so blessed, by all the encouragement we've received. Knowing that I'm not alone/and my family isn't alone and never will be in my/our ups and downs of emotions. I have an army behind me....an army that God orchestrated because He knew what I would need to carry on. He is so good our God. And I know that I can continue to carry on because He's got that all under control and will continue to give me what I need to carry on in the best way possible...not just existing...but living for HIM!
God certainly knew what He was talking about when in His word we read:
Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess, for he who promised is faithful. And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds, not giving up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but encouraging one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.
~Hebrews 10:23-25~
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
~1 Thessalonians 5:11~
And so, thank you to all who provide intentional encouragement. With your encouragement to me, I can in turn encourage others and hopefully encourage you as well. What a blessing.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
On a happier note...
So these days it seems like I'm expressing things better through writing than verbally - definitely going to have to try and change that. However, for now, getting some elation out in writing seems fairly appropriate!
So excited to join the staff at the church we attend. So thankful to be a part of something so wonderful. Excited to see how God uses me in this position. Ready to keep pushing all the fears behind me and be passionate about Kids and how God wants to work among them at our church. So blessed to have this opportunity to work among some amazing people and so honoured and humbled by the huge responsibility it is to ensure that our kids are learning about Jesus and learning how to be His servants into our community and world.
Elation #2! Getting our police checks done today! Happy dance! First time I've felt like dancing in a long time! So ready to drop off our completed paperwork tomorrow! Can't believe how happy and excited that makes me feel! I know this won't be an easy road, and it will be filled most likely with heartache and also a lot of love. However, we know that God has laid this on our hearts so strongly that He must have a plan in all of this and will give us the strength to live with any heartache (as He is doing now) and to open our hearts wide to any children He chooses to place in our lives -whether permanently or only for a time.
It's difficult because I don't want my joy to be wrapped up in kids. Yes kids bring a lot of joy, but my joy should be found in my salvation and other joy should flow through that. That is definitely something I need to continue to work on. Being joyful now.
However, I know that I do get excited when I am expecting a new child, and this is just like the beginning of a pregnancy...just don't know how long the pregnancy might be. But we are expecting....yes expecting....we don't know if it will be a boy or a girl, whether infant or toddler, whether one or two, whether forever or just for a time, whether it will be 6 months till we meet them or a year, or two, but we are expecting. Expecting - knowing that God holds all the details, and we will keep taking all the necessary steps as we continue to see His plan unfold.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11~
So excited to join the staff at the church we attend. So thankful to be a part of something so wonderful. Excited to see how God uses me in this position. Ready to keep pushing all the fears behind me and be passionate about Kids and how God wants to work among them at our church. So blessed to have this opportunity to work among some amazing people and so honoured and humbled by the huge responsibility it is to ensure that our kids are learning about Jesus and learning how to be His servants into our community and world.
Elation #2! Getting our police checks done today! Happy dance! First time I've felt like dancing in a long time! So ready to drop off our completed paperwork tomorrow! Can't believe how happy and excited that makes me feel! I know this won't be an easy road, and it will be filled most likely with heartache and also a lot of love. However, we know that God has laid this on our hearts so strongly that He must have a plan in all of this and will give us the strength to live with any heartache (as He is doing now) and to open our hearts wide to any children He chooses to place in our lives -whether permanently or only for a time.
It's difficult because I don't want my joy to be wrapped up in kids. Yes kids bring a lot of joy, but my joy should be found in my salvation and other joy should flow through that. That is definitely something I need to continue to work on. Being joyful now.
However, I know that I do get excited when I am expecting a new child, and this is just like the beginning of a pregnancy...just don't know how long the pregnancy might be. But we are expecting....yes expecting....we don't know if it will be a boy or a girl, whether infant or toddler, whether one or two, whether forever or just for a time, whether it will be 6 months till we meet them or a year, or two, but we are expecting. Expecting - knowing that God holds all the details, and we will keep taking all the necessary steps as we continue to see His plan unfold.
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." ~Jeremiah 29:11~
Monday, December 3, 2012
Christmas
And so December is all but here and already all the Christmas stuff is out in full bloom. Normally everything Christmas excites me! I usually love Christmas and everything that goes with it. It's such a wonderful time of happiness and good quality time with family.
In past years I remember there being groups or seminars on what to do about Christmas when your Christmas isn't going to be such a merry one due to a loss or change of circumstances. I guess I never really thought what it would be like to have a holiday without a loved one. Well now I completely understand why these groups and seminars exist.
I know that I am so thankful for Jesus being born into the world, and I am more than happy to celebrate His birth. Without His birth there would be no Easter and no hope for us. So I celebrate hope and joy and love from the coming of Jesus into this world.
Everything else that comes with Christmas seems a bit daunting this year to put it lightly. Trees, ribbons, bows, presents, etc. seem all very trivial and frivilous to me right now. Why spend money on these things when there are people dying around the world .... (I know, I think I'm turning into a scrooge or something!) I've never been blessed with a real good sense of humour...I've always been somewhat of a serious person, and I think that is coming out more and more now.
Obviously something else I'm struggling with is that this would have been Kalyna's first Christmas. Technically Jaimie's as well (Jaimie was due end of January 2012). However they will both be spending their first Christmas in Heaven with the Birthday Boy Himself - Jesus. I suppose that will be a bigger and better celebration than anything we can put on down here! (Always helps to write my thoughts out...I hadn't thought of that till just now!)
I think part of me is worried that I'll be the downer of everyone's Christmas. Like if no one talks about her, will I feel hurt about that? If people do talk about her, will that make everyone sad? Will I ruin the mood of Christmas because I will be thinking about her? At a time of year when everyone is happy and excited it seems almost like it's not ok to be sad.
People continuously ask me about all things Christmas (as most people talk about this time of year), and it's hard to really answer cause no I have no tree, no decorations, no presents bought, I can't even bring myself to listen to Christmas music - usually I'm blasting Avalon Christmas as soon as December first hits.
However all that being said...I think I'm slowly coming around a little. As much as I'd like to simply dissapear for the month of December, I'm thinking that is rather impossible. Christmas is everywhere around me and there is no escaping it. It's in my face whether I'm ready for it or not. A few little blessings though have been popping up to encourage me through this season.
A good friend of mine, (she must have been given some divine knowledge) cause she sent me a beautiful email letting me know that she was thinking and praying for me through this time because she had heard a broadcast about how the holidays can be hard - I hadn't even told anyone I was struggling and she just seemed to know - that is surely one of the ways to know that I am not alone. Not alone in thinking that the holidays are hard - it's fairly normal - and secondly not alone that I have a Heavenly Father who is surrounding me with people who understand. I read the broadcast as well and it was helpful - especially knowing that this is normal and that it's ok to feel this way.
A second little blessing came in the form of a Christmas tree ornament. A beautiful crystal snowflake with a little K and J on it. It is incredibly special to me - so touched by the family that gave it to us. And I might just have to go out a get a small little Christmas tree just so I can hang it on it.
I guess it's important to me to have Kalyna around this Christmas -in different tangible ways. It seems a little more possible to get through if I can put her in it too. I'm trying to put together a Christmas card of Micah and then have a rose in the picture to as a memory of her. I don't know if that is strange, or if it means I can't let go? I think though that I have let her go, she is where she is suppose to be and I just want to remember her and keep her a part of our family. I don't want people to always think of us as the family that lost their daughter and feel sorry for us though. I just want to keep her beautiful memory as she is my only daughter at this point and she was here for such a brief time. But it's not only that I want a rose in the card this year, but I'd like to have a rose in her memory in my Family Christmas cards forever. No matter how many children we have down the road, I'd still like to always have a rose for her.
So I may not be over the top Christmas this year, but I do have to face it. I can't run away from it, I can't dissapear, so I will work at embracing it as much as I can. I know that traveling to Micah's grandparents houses will bring him the traditional Christmas trimings, which will be good. Maybe we'll have a little Christmas tree and we'll set up our Fisher price Nativity set. We may not be decked out this year, but we'll do some little special things. Gifts will probably be as meaningful as I can make them...if I hurry up and get on that in time for Christmas....I don't think I'm going to brave the mall much this year. But I will try not to turn the radio station off when a Christmas song comes on.
I think this is just how it's going to be this year, we'll celebrate the birth of Jesus, the coming of our Saviour with all our family and friends. We'll enjoy the quality time spent with each of the wonderful people we are blessed to know. You never know how much time you have left on earth with each one of them, so it is important to truly enjoy that time spent with them and not hold back. It's ok to feel all the emotions I feel, I think. Hopefully people will understand, but not tip toe around, just do what they normally do, and I'll just fit in wherever I can.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, I really appreciate all of you! :)
In past years I remember there being groups or seminars on what to do about Christmas when your Christmas isn't going to be such a merry one due to a loss or change of circumstances. I guess I never really thought what it would be like to have a holiday without a loved one. Well now I completely understand why these groups and seminars exist.
I know that I am so thankful for Jesus being born into the world, and I am more than happy to celebrate His birth. Without His birth there would be no Easter and no hope for us. So I celebrate hope and joy and love from the coming of Jesus into this world.
Everything else that comes with Christmas seems a bit daunting this year to put it lightly. Trees, ribbons, bows, presents, etc. seem all very trivial and frivilous to me right now. Why spend money on these things when there are people dying around the world .... (I know, I think I'm turning into a scrooge or something!) I've never been blessed with a real good sense of humour...I've always been somewhat of a serious person, and I think that is coming out more and more now.
Obviously something else I'm struggling with is that this would have been Kalyna's first Christmas. Technically Jaimie's as well (Jaimie was due end of January 2012). However they will both be spending their first Christmas in Heaven with the Birthday Boy Himself - Jesus. I suppose that will be a bigger and better celebration than anything we can put on down here! (Always helps to write my thoughts out...I hadn't thought of that till just now!)
I think part of me is worried that I'll be the downer of everyone's Christmas. Like if no one talks about her, will I feel hurt about that? If people do talk about her, will that make everyone sad? Will I ruin the mood of Christmas because I will be thinking about her? At a time of year when everyone is happy and excited it seems almost like it's not ok to be sad.
People continuously ask me about all things Christmas (as most people talk about this time of year), and it's hard to really answer cause no I have no tree, no decorations, no presents bought, I can't even bring myself to listen to Christmas music - usually I'm blasting Avalon Christmas as soon as December first hits.
However all that being said...I think I'm slowly coming around a little. As much as I'd like to simply dissapear for the month of December, I'm thinking that is rather impossible. Christmas is everywhere around me and there is no escaping it. It's in my face whether I'm ready for it or not. A few little blessings though have been popping up to encourage me through this season.
A good friend of mine, (she must have been given some divine knowledge) cause she sent me a beautiful email letting me know that she was thinking and praying for me through this time because she had heard a broadcast about how the holidays can be hard - I hadn't even told anyone I was struggling and she just seemed to know - that is surely one of the ways to know that I am not alone. Not alone in thinking that the holidays are hard - it's fairly normal - and secondly not alone that I have a Heavenly Father who is surrounding me with people who understand. I read the broadcast as well and it was helpful - especially knowing that this is normal and that it's ok to feel this way.
A second little blessing came in the form of a Christmas tree ornament. A beautiful crystal snowflake with a little K and J on it. It is incredibly special to me - so touched by the family that gave it to us. And I might just have to go out a get a small little Christmas tree just so I can hang it on it.
I guess it's important to me to have Kalyna around this Christmas -in different tangible ways. It seems a little more possible to get through if I can put her in it too. I'm trying to put together a Christmas card of Micah and then have a rose in the picture to as a memory of her. I don't know if that is strange, or if it means I can't let go? I think though that I have let her go, she is where she is suppose to be and I just want to remember her and keep her a part of our family. I don't want people to always think of us as the family that lost their daughter and feel sorry for us though. I just want to keep her beautiful memory as she is my only daughter at this point and she was here for such a brief time. But it's not only that I want a rose in the card this year, but I'd like to have a rose in her memory in my Family Christmas cards forever. No matter how many children we have down the road, I'd still like to always have a rose for her.
So I may not be over the top Christmas this year, but I do have to face it. I can't run away from it, I can't dissapear, so I will work at embracing it as much as I can. I know that traveling to Micah's grandparents houses will bring him the traditional Christmas trimings, which will be good. Maybe we'll have a little Christmas tree and we'll set up our Fisher price Nativity set. We may not be decked out this year, but we'll do some little special things. Gifts will probably be as meaningful as I can make them...if I hurry up and get on that in time for Christmas....I don't think I'm going to brave the mall much this year. But I will try not to turn the radio station off when a Christmas song comes on.
I think this is just how it's going to be this year, we'll celebrate the birth of Jesus, the coming of our Saviour with all our family and friends. We'll enjoy the quality time spent with each of the wonderful people we are blessed to know. You never know how much time you have left on earth with each one of them, so it is important to truly enjoy that time spent with them and not hold back. It's ok to feel all the emotions I feel, I think. Hopefully people will understand, but not tip toe around, just do what they normally do, and I'll just fit in wherever I can.
Thanks for reading my ramblings, I really appreciate all of you! :)
Monday, November 26, 2012
Emotions
I feel like I was never much of an emotional person. Yes I'm a female, so some it come with the hormones, but I feel like I was more of an even keel type of person. I was never really low, never really high. Now it seems like I feel emotions so deeply, I really don't know what to do with them.
This week has been an especially emotional week. It's hard to explain all the emotions that I have been overwhelmed with in the past week. But maybe if I try to explain them, they will make a little more sense to me?
In my previous post, I wrote about a wonderful woman. Someone who really I had just gotten to know since July. Maybe that's what made the loss so much more difficult, that I wanted to know her better, or wanted to learn more from her. I don't know. But I can't believe how much sorrow I have felt since her passing. Not that it isn't good to be sad and to miss her, but I want to be happy for her because she is with Jesus and her parents and her little ones who went before her. She lived her life serving God and had more than her fair share of health concerns. I'm sure she is now being rewarded for the life that she lived for God. I don't want to tear up everytime I think about her. I want to be happy for her and remember her fondly. I have so many memories of her. I love how my husband said it. He told me he had two very vivid pictures of her in his mind and he wanted to print them out so that he would remember her like that forever. One was of her giving me a hug back in July and the second was her sitting on the couch after church listening and talking with kids who were saying their memory verses to her. Two beautiful mental pictures of her. Those are beautiful memories of her. Why then do they make me sad? I can only think that it's because emotions aren't hidden anymore. They are there and present. When I feel something, I really feel it. So I guess I'm sad/happy all at the same time. Sad because I will miss her, happy because she is with Jesus and in such a better better place than here. I know some of the sadness is probably from thinking about how her family feels all these feelings even ten times more. How they have to continue on celebrating birthdays and Christmases with her earthly presence gone. But I know they will be relying on God for strength as well and He will graciously be providing it for them just as he has for us. Such a precious gift God's strength and comfort is.
Well, thankful for the time I did get to know her and her example. I know that my church family all feels the same way. She touched the lives of so many people as was evidenced by her beautiful memorial service. And I pray that I as well as others will be inspired by her life to continue to serve God and tell others about the Good News of Jesus, so that they too might find hope and strength to continue on in this ever difficult world.
All that being said, I also had the priviledge of celebrating my mom's 50th Birthday this week. What a blessing it is to be able to celebrate my mom's birthday with her. My mom's family and friends came by to celebrate my Mom! I especially loved how excited everyone was to surprise her! It was really great! It was a great celebration of her. She is definitely a great Mom and definitely an inspiration to me. She is ever so supportive and encouraging and uplifting. She is my mom and yet she is one of my greatest friends too. Such a blessing in my life. :) So thankful for her!
As this past week drew to a close, we now look forward to what this new week will bring...our initial home visit on the road to adoption. We are cleaning and extra baby proofing and making sure that we are doing all that we can to make sure that our home will be safe for the children to come. It seems somewhat silly to be extra proofing, when I know Micah is perfectly safe with the way it is, but then I think if there are more children in the house, I may not be watching every child as much as I watch Micah and I wouldn't want anything to happen, so it's good to be extra cautious. Nothing wrong with locking up medications and silverwear drawers.
Through all these emotions and turbulent times I know that God is seeing us through.
If you've never heard Mandisa's song "He is with you". You should check it out, it's really powerful. I was listening to it a lot this morning. Anyways, I'll leave you with a couple of verses, the first, the verse that was written on the program for the memorial service; and the second, one I found today while looking up the first verse:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love..." ~Jeremiah 31:3~
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. ~Jeremiah 31:13~
This week has been an especially emotional week. It's hard to explain all the emotions that I have been overwhelmed with in the past week. But maybe if I try to explain them, they will make a little more sense to me?
In my previous post, I wrote about a wonderful woman. Someone who really I had just gotten to know since July. Maybe that's what made the loss so much more difficult, that I wanted to know her better, or wanted to learn more from her. I don't know. But I can't believe how much sorrow I have felt since her passing. Not that it isn't good to be sad and to miss her, but I want to be happy for her because she is with Jesus and her parents and her little ones who went before her. She lived her life serving God and had more than her fair share of health concerns. I'm sure she is now being rewarded for the life that she lived for God. I don't want to tear up everytime I think about her. I want to be happy for her and remember her fondly. I have so many memories of her. I love how my husband said it. He told me he had two very vivid pictures of her in his mind and he wanted to print them out so that he would remember her like that forever. One was of her giving me a hug back in July and the second was her sitting on the couch after church listening and talking with kids who were saying their memory verses to her. Two beautiful mental pictures of her. Those are beautiful memories of her. Why then do they make me sad? I can only think that it's because emotions aren't hidden anymore. They are there and present. When I feel something, I really feel it. So I guess I'm sad/happy all at the same time. Sad because I will miss her, happy because she is with Jesus and in such a better better place than here. I know some of the sadness is probably from thinking about how her family feels all these feelings even ten times more. How they have to continue on celebrating birthdays and Christmases with her earthly presence gone. But I know they will be relying on God for strength as well and He will graciously be providing it for them just as he has for us. Such a precious gift God's strength and comfort is.
Well, thankful for the time I did get to know her and her example. I know that my church family all feels the same way. She touched the lives of so many people as was evidenced by her beautiful memorial service. And I pray that I as well as others will be inspired by her life to continue to serve God and tell others about the Good News of Jesus, so that they too might find hope and strength to continue on in this ever difficult world.
All that being said, I also had the priviledge of celebrating my mom's 50th Birthday this week. What a blessing it is to be able to celebrate my mom's birthday with her. My mom's family and friends came by to celebrate my Mom! I especially loved how excited everyone was to surprise her! It was really great! It was a great celebration of her. She is definitely a great Mom and definitely an inspiration to me. She is ever so supportive and encouraging and uplifting. She is my mom and yet she is one of my greatest friends too. Such a blessing in my life. :) So thankful for her!
As this past week drew to a close, we now look forward to what this new week will bring...our initial home visit on the road to adoption. We are cleaning and extra baby proofing and making sure that we are doing all that we can to make sure that our home will be safe for the children to come. It seems somewhat silly to be extra proofing, when I know Micah is perfectly safe with the way it is, but then I think if there are more children in the house, I may not be watching every child as much as I watch Micah and I wouldn't want anything to happen, so it's good to be extra cautious. Nothing wrong with locking up medications and silverwear drawers.
Through all these emotions and turbulent times I know that God is seeing us through.
If you've never heard Mandisa's song "He is with you". You should check it out, it's really powerful. I was listening to it a lot this morning. Anyways, I'll leave you with a couple of verses, the first, the verse that was written on the program for the memorial service; and the second, one I found today while looking up the first verse:
"I have loved you with an everlasting love..." ~Jeremiah 31:3~
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow. ~Jeremiah 31:13~
Wednesday, November 21, 2012
A dear Friend
This morning I received an email about a dear friend that passed away last night. She and her husband served faithfully at our church everyday. What a blessing they both are to our church family and community and to my family. I am sure that everytime volunteers were needed for something she was there. I had only really come to know her in the past year, but what a blessing it was to know her. She was a huge source of strength to me.
I think I got to know her best this summer through Adventure Bible Camp. She was there everyday for weeks leading up to the camp helping and directing the prop creation. During the camp she was a group leader and led a large group of children around to the different stations keeping them in line while sharing the love of Jesus with them.
She was there when we needed help with Upward Basketball. She took care of the jersey sizing during registration. She did a great job and when things got busy, I didn't have to worry about if there were enough juice and cookies for the kids, as she made sure that the juice and cookie table was always full. She always knew just what to do.
She was also a great verse listener for KidJAM. She would listen to the kids say their verses after the service and then reward them with a candy. She told me once that she would make sure that the kids knew what the verse meant as well. It was important to her, that the kids knew what they were saying.
She was retired and could have just said that she had done all her work and now she could rest, but she didn't. She was always involved, always sharing the love of Jesus through her actions.
She was a source of strength for me because when my Kalyna passed away, she told me she had lost children as well - (through miscarriage and stillbirth). I saw how eventhough she had so much hurt and loss in her life, she still served God with all of herself and hadn't given up on life, she continued to live out her life for God. Not just getting by, but serving with all of her being. Her strength was truly amazing. I will continue to look up to her and be strengthened and encouraged by her life.
Now she has gone to be with Jesus, and her precious children that were waiting there for her. What a beautiful reunion that must be! And to think that she is the first one to meet our Kalyna is so beautiful as well.
This verse came to mind this morning when I was thinking about her...
Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far...
She certainly lived out this verse. We will miss her so much, and I'm sure that her family and her loving husband will miss her ever so much...
What a wonderful, beautiful Godly woman you were and are to me.
May God continue to comfort your family and strengthen your family until you are reunited once again. Thank you for your commitment to serving God and for the example of a Godly woman that you lived out.
I think I got to know her best this summer through Adventure Bible Camp. She was there everyday for weeks leading up to the camp helping and directing the prop creation. During the camp she was a group leader and led a large group of children around to the different stations keeping them in line while sharing the love of Jesus with them.
She was there when we needed help with Upward Basketball. She took care of the jersey sizing during registration. She did a great job and when things got busy, I didn't have to worry about if there were enough juice and cookies for the kids, as she made sure that the juice and cookie table was always full. She always knew just what to do.
She was also a great verse listener for KidJAM. She would listen to the kids say their verses after the service and then reward them with a candy. She told me once that she would make sure that the kids knew what the verse meant as well. It was important to her, that the kids knew what they were saying.
She was retired and could have just said that she had done all her work and now she could rest, but she didn't. She was always involved, always sharing the love of Jesus through her actions.
She was a source of strength for me because when my Kalyna passed away, she told me she had lost children as well - (through miscarriage and stillbirth). I saw how eventhough she had so much hurt and loss in her life, she still served God with all of herself and hadn't given up on life, she continued to live out her life for God. Not just getting by, but serving with all of her being. Her strength was truly amazing. I will continue to look up to her and be strengthened and encouraged by her life.
Now she has gone to be with Jesus, and her precious children that were waiting there for her. What a beautiful reunion that must be! And to think that she is the first one to meet our Kalyna is so beautiful as well.
This verse came to mind this morning when I was thinking about her...
Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far...
She certainly lived out this verse. We will miss her so much, and I'm sure that her family and her loving husband will miss her ever so much...
What a wonderful, beautiful Godly woman you were and are to me.
May God continue to comfort your family and strengthen your family until you are reunited once again. Thank you for your commitment to serving God and for the example of a Godly woman that you lived out.
Friday, November 16, 2012
God's love never fails
Higher than the mountains that I face
Stronger than the power of the grave
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing… Remains
Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains
In death, In life, I’m confident and
covered by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there’s nothing that can
separate my heart from Your great love...
("One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture)
This song has been playing in my head for the past week. The chorus just goes over and over and over again....when I'm lying in bed, when I wake up in the morning...
..Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me...
...Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me...
....Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me...
As these words were replaying through my mind, I have come to realize that indeed God's love never fails, never runs out and never gives up on me. And that one thing that remains...that's Jesus' love.
It was while this song was running through my head, that I started to feel that passion returning for the position I was talking about. That was truly a gift from God. It's crazy, I feel...crazy....well maybe a little....emotions are just so real, so very real to me right now. Also so up and down. Maybe I have never taken risks in my life before...but the unknown is so fearful...all of a sudden my first response is fear. When did that happen? I am supposed to be confident! I thought I was confident...
Part of the problem, I think, is that making a decision has become virtually impossible to me...it was never easy before...both my husband and I struggle with this...but now fear of the unknown, the new etc. becomes such a bigger deal. I feel like everything I do affects something/someone...then I feel like I'm thinking too much of myself...then I think that God wants us to be witnesses to others, so how I act and what I do does matter...and it's important to take the time to seek God before making a decision...especially to overcome the now inevitable fear that shows up.
Anyways....God's love never fails.....my passion is returning! God lifted the fear and with God's strength I can walk through that door....the fear is still looming in the background and without God's strength I will surely give into it, but with a lot of prayer, that fear can stay in the background. God has cleared my head and now I can think about my job and the wonderful things that God has instore for it and the people involved...where He wants it to go...and let me tell you it's exciting! I'm very excited to see where it goes and how it can become something that impacts the community!
Second thing that proved this to me this week, is that Tuesday night I was asking God for some intense patience, or to please let the phone call to continue the adoption process come soon!
Next day....no joke...the phone rang...we have our initial visit booked...in less than two weeks we get this process started for real! So excited...yet so fearful all at the same time...what if we're not good enough...just talking to the worker on the phone, I was second guessing everything that I said! But as a good friend reminded me...we are trusting God and trusting in His strength. We will just continue to follow His leading in this journey of life.
And so I will continue to sing:
Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me.
Constant through the trial and the change
One thing… Remains
Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me
On and on and on and on it goes
It overwhelms and satisfies my soul
And I never, ever, have to be afraid
One thing remains
In death, In life, I’m confident and
covered by the power of Your great love
My debt is paid, there’s nothing that can
separate my heart from Your great love...
("One Thing Remains" by Jesus Culture)
This song has been playing in my head for the past week. The chorus just goes over and over and over again....when I'm lying in bed, when I wake up in the morning...
..Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me...
...Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me...
....Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me...
As these words were replaying through my mind, I have come to realize that indeed God's love never fails, never runs out and never gives up on me. And that one thing that remains...that's Jesus' love.
It was while this song was running through my head, that I started to feel that passion returning for the position I was talking about. That was truly a gift from God. It's crazy, I feel...crazy....well maybe a little....emotions are just so real, so very real to me right now. Also so up and down. Maybe I have never taken risks in my life before...but the unknown is so fearful...all of a sudden my first response is fear. When did that happen? I am supposed to be confident! I thought I was confident...
Part of the problem, I think, is that making a decision has become virtually impossible to me...it was never easy before...both my husband and I struggle with this...but now fear of the unknown, the new etc. becomes such a bigger deal. I feel like everything I do affects something/someone...then I feel like I'm thinking too much of myself...then I think that God wants us to be witnesses to others, so how I act and what I do does matter...and it's important to take the time to seek God before making a decision...especially to overcome the now inevitable fear that shows up.
Anyways....God's love never fails.....my passion is returning! God lifted the fear and with God's strength I can walk through that door....the fear is still looming in the background and without God's strength I will surely give into it, but with a lot of prayer, that fear can stay in the background. God has cleared my head and now I can think about my job and the wonderful things that God has instore for it and the people involved...where He wants it to go...and let me tell you it's exciting! I'm very excited to see where it goes and how it can become something that impacts the community!
Second thing that proved this to me this week, is that Tuesday night I was asking God for some intense patience, or to please let the phone call to continue the adoption process come soon!
Next day....no joke...the phone rang...we have our initial visit booked...in less than two weeks we get this process started for real! So excited...yet so fearful all at the same time...what if we're not good enough...just talking to the worker on the phone, I was second guessing everything that I said! But as a good friend reminded me...we are trusting God and trusting in His strength. We will just continue to follow His leading in this journey of life.
And so I will continue to sing:
Your love never fails, never gives up. Never runs out on me.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Verses of courage to overcome fear
Fear, something I'm struggling with right now. I thought I was someone who wasn't afraid. I guess I have always been afraid of the dark, but that seems different somehow then the fear that so easily creeps in and keeps us from doing what God has planned for us. This week fear has been slowly taking over. Slowly moving in. It's strange because as I've been letting it in, I have been provided with different resources to keep it from taking over. As I re-read the sermon notes that I have from this week, it became clear to me that part of the sermon touched on exactly my problem this week. Filtering my decisions through fear. Yep that's me this week. There's a door standing wide open and yet there is a large cloud of fear blocking me from entering. Obviously God knew what I needed, and He is also keeping me humble and I am desperately needing to rely on His strength. That is the only way I can move forward through that door. That is the only way I should walk through that door - on my knees.
Anyways, for anyone else struggling with fears, here's a couple good sermons ....and some verses of encouragement that talk about courage to overcome fear.
http://semcmission.podbean.com/
I would recommend : (although they are all quite good!)
A Little Knowledge - Sept 9, 2012
When Life Gives You Chains - Sept 16, 2012
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”~Deuteronomy 31:6~
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
~Joshua 1:9~
The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
~Psalm 27:1~
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
~Psalm 56:3-4~
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.
~Romans 8:15-16~
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.~1 Corinthians 16:13~
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
~2 Corinthians 4:7-11~
And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.
~Philippians 1:14~
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
~Hebrews 13:5-6~
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
~1 John 4:18~
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
~2 Timothy 1:7~
Anyways, for anyone else struggling with fears, here's a couple good sermons ....and some verses of encouragement that talk about courage to overcome fear.
http://semcmission.podbean.com/
I would recommend : (although they are all quite good!)
A Little Knowledge - Sept 9, 2012
When Life Gives You Chains - Sept 16, 2012
Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the Lord your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you.”~Deuteronomy 31:6~
Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.”
~Joshua 1:9~
The Lord is my light and my salvation; Whom shall I fear? The Lord is the strength of my life; Of whom shall I be afraid?
~Psalm 27:1~
When I am afraid, I put my trust in you. In God, whose word I praise—in God I trust and am not afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
~Psalm 56:3-4~
The Spirit you received does not make you slaves, so that you live in fear again; rather, the Spirit you received brought about your adoption to sonship. And by him we cry, “Abba, Father." The Spirit himself testifies with our spirit that we are God’s children.
~Romans 8:15-16~
Be on your guard; stand firm in the faith; be courageous; be strong. Do everything in love.~1 Corinthians 16:13~
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body.
~2 Corinthians 4:7-11~
And because of my chains, most of the brothers and sisters have become confident in the Lord and dare all the more to proclaim the gospel without fear.
~Philippians 1:14~
Keep your lives free from the love of money and be content with what you have, because God has said, “Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you.” So we say with confidence,“The Lord is my helper; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?
~Hebrews 13:5-6~
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
~1 John 4:18~
For God has not given us a spirit of fear and timidity, but of power, love, and self-discipline.
~2 Timothy 1:7~
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Scars and Fears
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God.
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~Isaiah 41:10~
Scars and Fears - two small words, yet very powerful and somewhat overpowering words.
As I was lying in bed tonight trying to sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about these two words and what I was going to write about them. I would assume that any sort of trauma in one's life would bring about these two words as one continues to live. For me, it's no different. Sure I've had scars on my knees from scrapping the gym floor while tripping over someone's feet/or my feet while playing basketball, and yes there's one on the inside of my knee from my supurb wipe out on my bike because I was trying to be cool and drink from my waterbottle while riding...but let's be honest, those superficial scars don't compare to the emotional scars that are left after a life altering moment.
For me, some of those scars are becoming fairly evident...others I'm sure will be revealed in due time. The scar of pain and sorrow will be one that will surely last forever. It's one that I am constantly learning to live with. The sudden onset of tears, the sudden onset of deep sadness, the sudden onset of any emotion bubbling up without warning.
Then there's the sleep-scar. I don't really know why I often have trouble sleeping. It's not usually an unpleasant experience, I'm just awake when I want to be asleep. Sometimes I'm thinking too much and can't settle my mind down, sometimes I end up praying for awhile, sometimes I have crazy vivid dreams, sometimes I just need to cry. Whatever the reason, sleep coming easy seems to be a thing of the past. Thankfully my good friend coffee and I have been reunited!
Another scar I have noticed is food. I used to enjoy food, now not so much. It's just something I do now because I have to. I used to enjoy savouring food and eating slowly. It was fun to enjoy a good meal, to have seconds because it's just that good. Now, it's just food...sure it's good...but it's just food...there's no enjoyment anymore. No more taking my time to make it last...it's just food. I just eat cause I have to. Mind you this has been very helpful in dropping my pregnancy weight...
Then there is the obvious scar, the never again do I ever want to be pregnant again scar. I just can't do it. I don't want to do it. So much pain and heartache has come as a result of that. I don't think I can handle anymore of that. Regardless of what anyone says, I was the only one near my two children at their time of death. They both passed away inside of me. There is really no one to blame but me. Now I know most people would say I really had nothing to do with it...but regardless it's hard to shake that blame. But I won't sit here and dwell on that, because as I've said in previous posts, that will lead me down the wrong road and I have to find my worth in God as His child and trust in Him. So I will leave it at that.
Then there is the hidden scar of fear. Fear. It's huge. It can strike at any time. I can be going about my business, I like to be busy, then suddenly fear strikes. For example, I was in a little grocery store back in August or September I think and I was picking up a few groceries. Suddenly I spotted someone I knew and instantly fear took over. I ended up avoiding the aisles that this individual was on and had to keep watching out so that I didn't run into this person. I'm not sure I even got everything I needed before quickly paying for the groceries and leaving. The fear just took over. It took me a good long while before I was able to face the library again, still haven't made it to the early years centre yet, was too afraid for the longest time...I think I could face it now...though I have been conveniently too busy to go. Then there is this position that I have been over the moon excited about having. Excited to be doing a little bit of work again. Excited to have a position that I had always thought would be a great opportunity to use a variety of my skills and loves. Ever since I sat in a church staff meeting back when I was helping with a church camp after my first year of university, I have wanted to work within a church staff. But now as I sit and think about everything that it entails, I am suddenly terrified that I can't do it. Sure I can do all the menial stuff and things will be just fine. Everything will happen as it should and it will appear to be going well. However, that's not the only thing that is needed. This needs to become a passion of mine. Something that my heart dreams over and seeks constantly to make sure that it is going down the road God wants it to be on. Something to build up with others and open my heart to what God wants to reveal to me through them about it. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to do this. That my heart just can't take it on. Is fear keeping me from letting this be a passion of mine? It used to be. I'm so afraid. I can't take it lightly...it's such an important role. Can fear be overcome? Can scars be overcome? (can you tell why I can't sleep?)
As I had been thinking of these scars and fears, the very first thing that came to mind was Isaiah 41:10. God says very clearly "do not fear". Do not fear because "I am your God". That's right. It's enough to know that our God is greater, our God is stronger (good song by Chris Tomlin), He is the almighty, amazing, awesome God who loves us with a love that is above all. We can never be loved more than God loves us. He sent His son to die for us....losing a child is awful awful awful...being the cause of it would simply rip my heart into pieces. He did it because He loves us so much that He doesn't want any of us to perish without Him (John 3:16). Without His son Jesus, we'd all perish without God as we are completely wrapped up in this sinful world in our sinful nature, ever since the eating of the forbidden fruit. We are doomed. Done. But no....Jesus endured so much pain and suffering and died for me and for you. And God let that happen - because He loves us that much.
But the verse doesn't just stop there in saying that we shouldn't be afraid because God is our God. He continues to say that "He will strengthen us and help us". We don't have to go it alone. We can't. I can't. I tried...I run around grocery stores frantically trying to avoid nice people! I sit at night writing instead of sleeping because I am consumed by fear and worry. Might I add that God also tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:26-34). But the only way that I am going to slowly overcome these scars and fears is by God's strength. By His "righteous right hand". He will give me the strength to keep on living and find a way to either live with the scars if it's His will, or overcome them. He will give me the strength to overcome my fears. I have seen evidence of this already. With God's fairly clear prompting and with the help of some very good friends, I was able to overcome my fear and share my story with the group I had previously written about. That was not in my strength. Nor was it my idea of something I wanted to do. I really didn't want to have to do it. God basically told me to do it. And with that, He provided me the strength and the help I needed to be able to do it. I can very clearly say, I was sitting in the service one Sunday and out of nowhere came that thought that I needed to share with the group. Yes, I wasn't able to do it the first week, curve ball, fear, took over there, but I am learning and trusting and God gave me the strength and the support I needed to overcome that paralyzing fear and share. It wasn't long. It wasn't flowery. Just simple. I hope that it encouraged the group who heard it and may have opened some doors or planted some seeds. Not for me to know (maybe it was simply for me), but I do know that God is amazing and He has plans bigger than I can imagine. He will continue to help me overcome the fears I have. I will keep asking Him for strength and trying to rely only on His strength and not in my own strengths...So glad that He is my God and that He give us His strength and upholds us with His righteous right hand...otherwise I'd just keep on sinking and being overwhelmed by my scars and fears.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. ~Isaiah 41:13~
I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.
~Isaiah 41:10~
Scars and Fears - two small words, yet very powerful and somewhat overpowering words.
As I was lying in bed tonight trying to sleep, I couldn't stop thinking about these two words and what I was going to write about them. I would assume that any sort of trauma in one's life would bring about these two words as one continues to live. For me, it's no different. Sure I've had scars on my knees from scrapping the gym floor while tripping over someone's feet/or my feet while playing basketball, and yes there's one on the inside of my knee from my supurb wipe out on my bike because I was trying to be cool and drink from my waterbottle while riding...but let's be honest, those superficial scars don't compare to the emotional scars that are left after a life altering moment.
For me, some of those scars are becoming fairly evident...others I'm sure will be revealed in due time. The scar of pain and sorrow will be one that will surely last forever. It's one that I am constantly learning to live with. The sudden onset of tears, the sudden onset of deep sadness, the sudden onset of any emotion bubbling up without warning.
Then there's the sleep-scar. I don't really know why I often have trouble sleeping. It's not usually an unpleasant experience, I'm just awake when I want to be asleep. Sometimes I'm thinking too much and can't settle my mind down, sometimes I end up praying for awhile, sometimes I have crazy vivid dreams, sometimes I just need to cry. Whatever the reason, sleep coming easy seems to be a thing of the past. Thankfully my good friend coffee and I have been reunited!
Another scar I have noticed is food. I used to enjoy food, now not so much. It's just something I do now because I have to. I used to enjoy savouring food and eating slowly. It was fun to enjoy a good meal, to have seconds because it's just that good. Now, it's just food...sure it's good...but it's just food...there's no enjoyment anymore. No more taking my time to make it last...it's just food. I just eat cause I have to. Mind you this has been very helpful in dropping my pregnancy weight...
Then there is the obvious scar, the never again do I ever want to be pregnant again scar. I just can't do it. I don't want to do it. So much pain and heartache has come as a result of that. I don't think I can handle anymore of that. Regardless of what anyone says, I was the only one near my two children at their time of death. They both passed away inside of me. There is really no one to blame but me. Now I know most people would say I really had nothing to do with it...but regardless it's hard to shake that blame. But I won't sit here and dwell on that, because as I've said in previous posts, that will lead me down the wrong road and I have to find my worth in God as His child and trust in Him. So I will leave it at that.
Then there is the hidden scar of fear. Fear. It's huge. It can strike at any time. I can be going about my business, I like to be busy, then suddenly fear strikes. For example, I was in a little grocery store back in August or September I think and I was picking up a few groceries. Suddenly I spotted someone I knew and instantly fear took over. I ended up avoiding the aisles that this individual was on and had to keep watching out so that I didn't run into this person. I'm not sure I even got everything I needed before quickly paying for the groceries and leaving. The fear just took over. It took me a good long while before I was able to face the library again, still haven't made it to the early years centre yet, was too afraid for the longest time...I think I could face it now...though I have been conveniently too busy to go. Then there is this position that I have been over the moon excited about having. Excited to be doing a little bit of work again. Excited to have a position that I had always thought would be a great opportunity to use a variety of my skills and loves. Ever since I sat in a church staff meeting back when I was helping with a church camp after my first year of university, I have wanted to work within a church staff. But now as I sit and think about everything that it entails, I am suddenly terrified that I can't do it. Sure I can do all the menial stuff and things will be just fine. Everything will happen as it should and it will appear to be going well. However, that's not the only thing that is needed. This needs to become a passion of mine. Something that my heart dreams over and seeks constantly to make sure that it is going down the road God wants it to be on. Something to build up with others and open my heart to what God wants to reveal to me through them about it. I'm afraid that I'm not going to be able to do this. That my heart just can't take it on. Is fear keeping me from letting this be a passion of mine? It used to be. I'm so afraid. I can't take it lightly...it's such an important role. Can fear be overcome? Can scars be overcome? (can you tell why I can't sleep?)
As I had been thinking of these scars and fears, the very first thing that came to mind was Isaiah 41:10. God says very clearly "do not fear". Do not fear because "I am your God". That's right. It's enough to know that our God is greater, our God is stronger (good song by Chris Tomlin), He is the almighty, amazing, awesome God who loves us with a love that is above all. We can never be loved more than God loves us. He sent His son to die for us....losing a child is awful awful awful...being the cause of it would simply rip my heart into pieces. He did it because He loves us so much that He doesn't want any of us to perish without Him (John 3:16). Without His son Jesus, we'd all perish without God as we are completely wrapped up in this sinful world in our sinful nature, ever since the eating of the forbidden fruit. We are doomed. Done. But no....Jesus endured so much pain and suffering and died for me and for you. And God let that happen - because He loves us that much.
But the verse doesn't just stop there in saying that we shouldn't be afraid because God is our God. He continues to say that "He will strengthen us and help us". We don't have to go it alone. We can't. I can't. I tried...I run around grocery stores frantically trying to avoid nice people! I sit at night writing instead of sleeping because I am consumed by fear and worry. Might I add that God also tells us not to worry (Matthew 6:26-34). But the only way that I am going to slowly overcome these scars and fears is by God's strength. By His "righteous right hand". He will give me the strength to keep on living and find a way to either live with the scars if it's His will, or overcome them. He will give me the strength to overcome my fears. I have seen evidence of this already. With God's fairly clear prompting and with the help of some very good friends, I was able to overcome my fear and share my story with the group I had previously written about. That was not in my strength. Nor was it my idea of something I wanted to do. I really didn't want to have to do it. God basically told me to do it. And with that, He provided me the strength and the help I needed to be able to do it. I can very clearly say, I was sitting in the service one Sunday and out of nowhere came that thought that I needed to share with the group. Yes, I wasn't able to do it the first week, curve ball, fear, took over there, but I am learning and trusting and God gave me the strength and the support I needed to overcome that paralyzing fear and share. It wasn't long. It wasn't flowery. Just simple. I hope that it encouraged the group who heard it and may have opened some doors or planted some seeds. Not for me to know (maybe it was simply for me), but I do know that God is amazing and He has plans bigger than I can imagine. He will continue to help me overcome the fears I have. I will keep asking Him for strength and trying to rely only on His strength and not in my own strengths...So glad that He is my God and that He give us His strength and upholds us with His righteous right hand...otherwise I'd just keep on sinking and being overwhelmed by my scars and fears.
For I am the Lord your God who takes hold of your right hand and says to you, Do not fear; I will help you. ~Isaiah 41:13~
Saturday, November 3, 2012
Time
Time. It's definitely been a thought on my mind a lot lately. It seems that whenever I get stuck on a thought these days, I dive into my Bible to find out everything I can about it. So I dove in and with Albert's help searched out verses relating to God's timing. They relate to time as God sees it, God's timing in things to come and God's timing in when He returns again.These verses give me confidence that God does have timing under control. It's definitely something I struggle with. Always wanting my own timing, I want things to happen now, now would nice, yes indeed. I have my own timing that I would like to see happen. However, I don't know everything, and I would never get everything right. I don't know the future, or my future (here on earth)... I don't know what is coming down the road.
I was in a bit of a funk for the past week and everything was weighing heavily. I met with a friend this week and we had a good long talk...I don't think we stopped talking the entire day. As I got in my car to leave, I felt that cloud disappear. What a wonderful feeling that was. One of the things my friend talked about was how God was refining her. That really struck home with me. I believe that is so true in my life as well. I know that God is still working on me and refining me and preparing me for what He wants me to do. I know God still has a lot of work to do on me and I have to be willing to wait till I am where He wants me to be as He brings certain things/people/events into my life. To keep seeking Him to know who He wants me to be and how I need to grow in Him. To trust His refining in my life and to be open to it. (Definitely a different perspective than the one I had a couple days ago!)
Here are some of the verses that we found. So thankful for God's true word.
Habakkuk 2:3
For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.
Genesis 18:14
Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.
Genesis 21:1-5
Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son Sarah bore him. When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumcised him, as God commanded him. Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him.
Galations 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me,“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
2 Peter 3:8-9
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Luke 18:27
Those who heard this asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 90:4
A thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night.
Psalm 37:3-7
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
1 Peter 1:6-9
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Isaiah 49:8-9
This is what the Lord says: “In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land
John 7:6-8
Therefore Jesus told them, “My time is not yet here; for you any time will do. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that its works are evil. You go to the festival. I am not going up to this festival, because my time has not yet fully come.”
Psalm 31:14-15
But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.
Psalm 75:2
You say, “I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge with equity.
Mark 1:15
“The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!”
Mark 13:33
Be on guard! Be alert. You do not know when that time will come.
1 Thessalonians 5:1-2
Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.
Titus 1:2-3
In the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time, and which now at his appointed season he has brought to light through the preaching entrusted to me by the command of God our Savior,
Acts 1:6-8
Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
I was in a bit of a funk for the past week and everything was weighing heavily. I met with a friend this week and we had a good long talk...I don't think we stopped talking the entire day. As I got in my car to leave, I felt that cloud disappear. What a wonderful feeling that was. One of the things my friend talked about was how God was refining her. That really struck home with me. I believe that is so true in my life as well. I know that God is still working on me and refining me and preparing me for what He wants me to do. I know God still has a lot of work to do on me and I have to be willing to wait till I am where He wants me to be as He brings certain things/people/events into my life. To keep seeking Him to know who He wants me to be and how I need to grow in Him. To trust His refining in my life and to be open to it. (Definitely a different perspective than the one I had a couple days ago!)
Here are some of the verses that we found. So thankful for God's true word.
Habakkuk 2:3
For the revelation awaits an appointed time; it speaks of the end and will not prove false.
Though it linger, wait for it; it will certainly come and will not delay.
Genesis 18:14
Is anything too hard for the Lord? I will return to you at the appointed time next year, and Sarah will have a son.
Genesis 21:1-5
Now the Lord was gracious to Sarah as he had said, and the Lord did for Sarah what he had promised. Sarah became pregnant and bore a son to Abraham in his old age, at the very time God had promised him. Abraham gave the name Isaac to the son Sarah bore him. When his son Isaac was eight days old, Abraham circumcised him, as God commanded him. Abraham was a hundred years old when his son Isaac was born to him.
Galations 6:9
Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.
2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me,
2 Peter 3:8-9
But do not forget this one thing, dear friends: With the Lord a day is like a thousand years, and a thousand years are like a day. The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.
Ephesians 2:10
For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.
Luke 18:27
Those who heard this asked, “Who then can be saved?” Jesus replied, “What is impossible with man is possible with God.”
Peter said to him, “We have left all we had to follow you!”
“Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”
“Truly I tell you,” Jesus said to them, “no one who has left home or wife or brothers or sisters or parents or children for the sake of the kingdom of God will fail to receive many times as much in this age, and in the age to come eternal life.”
Psalm 46:10
He says, “Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth.”
Psalm 90:4
A thousand years in your sight are like a day that has just gone by, or like a watch in the night.
Psalm 37:3-7
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
Commit your way to the Lord; trust in him and he will do this:
He will make your righteous reward shine like the dawn, your vindication like the noonday sun.
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; do not fret when people succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.
John 14:27
Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.
Psalm 27:14
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
1 Peter 1:6-9
In all this you greatly rejoice, though now for a little while you may have had to suffer grief in all kinds of trials. These have come so that the proven genuineness of your faith—of greater worth than gold, which perishes even though refined by fire—may result in praise, glory and honor when Jesus Christ is revealed. Though you have not seen him, you love him; and even though you do not see him now, you believe in him and are filled with an inexpressible and glorious joy, for you are receiving the end result of your faith, the salvation of your souls.
Isaiah 49:8-9
This is what the Lord says: “In the time of my favor I will answer you, and in the day of salvation I will help you; I will keep you and will make you to be a covenant for the people, to restore the land
and to reassign its desolate inheritances, to say to the captives, ‘Come out,’ and to those in darkness, ‘Be free!’
John 7:6-8
Therefore Jesus told them, “My time is not yet here; for you any time will do. The world cannot hate you, but it hates me because I testify that its works are evil. You go to the festival. I am not going up to this festival, because my time has not yet fully come.”
Psalm 31:14-15
But I trust in you, Lord; I say, “You are my God.” My times are in your hands; deliver me from the hands of my enemies, from those who pursue me.
Psalm 75:2
You say, “I choose the appointed time; it is I who judge with equity.
Mark 1:15
“The time has come,” he said. “The kingdom of God has come near. Repent and believe the good news!”
Mark 13:33
Be on guard! Be alert. You do not know when that time will come.
1 Thessalonians 5:1-2
Now, brothers and sisters, about times and dates we do not need to write to you, for you know very well that the day of the Lord will come like a thief in the night. While people are saying, “Peace and safety,” destruction will come on them suddenly, as labor pains on a pregnant woman, and they will not escape.
Titus 1:2-3
In the hope of eternal life, which God, who does not lie, promised before the beginning of time, and which now at his appointed season he has brought to light through the preaching entrusted to me by the command of God our Savior,
Acts 1:6-8
Then they gathered around him and asked him, “Lord, are you at this time going to restore the kingdom to Israel?” He said to them: “It is not for you to know the times or dates the Father has set by his own authority. But you will receive power when the Holy Spirit comes on you; and you will be my witnesses in Jerusalem, and in all Judea and Samaria, and to the ends of the earth.”
Wednesday, October 24, 2012
"God sets the lonely in families"
A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ~Psalm 68:5-6~
So full of so many emotions right now. Part of it could be from the lack of sleep from last night...not much sleep was had at our house last night. Seems odd...but it was really an odd night... a culmination of random things keeping us all awake. Guess that's why I'm not even bothering to try to sleep right now. Anyways, that's not the point. Tonight we had our first meeting about adoption. So happy to be starting along this journey! However, it was a bit of a reality check in many ways for me I think. Not that I didn't know most of everything that was spoken about, but more so just that any exception/fantasy that I might have dreamed up is clearly not going to happen. Which makes sense because this is reality and not a fantasy world - which you'd think I'd have learned by now. Life is super real. You don't get special treatment because you are you.
It was a good meeting though. Lots to look forward to. There are really endless ways in which we can help children in need. A couple of things that have tugged on our hearts are the adoption of a sibling group or maybe the foster with a view to adopt program. We will be open to whatever God wants us to be open to. (Small plug here for a spouse who is like-minded: so appreciative that my husband loves God and wants to follow His will and purpose for our lives and our family as well; that He is willing to be open to whatever God has in store. Love love love this about my husband. Love, so much love for him that he is willing to jump into this journey with two feet and not look back. Love that he wants to love whoever God brings into our lives completely. Love that God brought us together for each other. Yes I love my husband.) The journey is however going to be long.
This for me is difficult to get over. Obviously I would like a child now. I was ready to have a child in January, then I was ready to have a child in July. So not having my children here with me is hard. Not having the possibility to have another child within a year is difficult as well. There really is no way to have a child right now. Some people wait years and years before they have a child. I am blessed with one really great little boy that I can hold and play with here, two beautiful little children that I can love now and hold later and the possibility of loving and holding new children in a year or two. I just have to keep trusting God and keep my focus on Him (goes along with all that contentment stuff I had been talking about...definitely still struggling with that...but still praying for it). Yes, I must admit to grieving the fact that Micah will not have a sibling to grow up with for awhile. A prospect that makes me sad. I was very close to my sister growing up and Albert was close to his brother growing up and I really wanted that for Micah too. Somehow I had figured in my head that if Micah was more than 2 years apart from his siblings that they wouldn't ever get along and be as good friends as my sister and I or as Albert and his brother (although that could still happen, just not for a little while). And Micah is so ready for a sibling. Out of nowhere he will hold out his hands and tell me the baby is sleeping, or that I should rock the baby. Or that the baby is crying and I need to give it a kiss, or that I should lay the baby in it's bed. He will pretend a piece of food is a baby, or sometimes it's just the air. I watch him around babies and he checks on them, and shares his toys with them, or turns on the music for them. It's so very very cute and adorable. It almost breaks my heart sometimes to know that he doesn't have a sibling here to love and enjoy. - Obviously it wouldn't always be roses, but you know what I mean. But as my husband says, we will just be able to enjoy Micah thoroughly and invest ourselves in him and be really well bonded and in the mean time we will continue to expose Micah to children of various ages to play with and to learn from. I will pray that he will be able to open his heart to siblings when the time comes, even if it means that he has to share his parents, who he will have had to himself for quite awhile. However, I know that God will be working in his heart just as He works in our hearts to prepare us for the children He has for us. When they do arrive, I know they will be loved. So loved. They are loved already.
So full of so many emotions right now. Part of it could be from the lack of sleep from last night...not much sleep was had at our house last night. Seems odd...but it was really an odd night... a culmination of random things keeping us all awake. Guess that's why I'm not even bothering to try to sleep right now. Anyways, that's not the point. Tonight we had our first meeting about adoption. So happy to be starting along this journey! However, it was a bit of a reality check in many ways for me I think. Not that I didn't know most of everything that was spoken about, but more so just that any exception/fantasy that I might have dreamed up is clearly not going to happen. Which makes sense because this is reality and not a fantasy world - which you'd think I'd have learned by now. Life is super real. You don't get special treatment because you are you.
It was a good meeting though. Lots to look forward to. There are really endless ways in which we can help children in need. A couple of things that have tugged on our hearts are the adoption of a sibling group or maybe the foster with a view to adopt program. We will be open to whatever God wants us to be open to. (Small plug here for a spouse who is like-minded: so appreciative that my husband loves God and wants to follow His will and purpose for our lives and our family as well; that He is willing to be open to whatever God has in store. Love love love this about my husband. Love, so much love for him that he is willing to jump into this journey with two feet and not look back. Love that he wants to love whoever God brings into our lives completely. Love that God brought us together for each other. Yes I love my husband.) The journey is however going to be long.
This for me is difficult to get over. Obviously I would like a child now. I was ready to have a child in January, then I was ready to have a child in July. So not having my children here with me is hard. Not having the possibility to have another child within a year is difficult as well. There really is no way to have a child right now. Some people wait years and years before they have a child. I am blessed with one really great little boy that I can hold and play with here, two beautiful little children that I can love now and hold later and the possibility of loving and holding new children in a year or two. I just have to keep trusting God and keep my focus on Him (goes along with all that contentment stuff I had been talking about...definitely still struggling with that...but still praying for it). Yes, I must admit to grieving the fact that Micah will not have a sibling to grow up with for awhile. A prospect that makes me sad. I was very close to my sister growing up and Albert was close to his brother growing up and I really wanted that for Micah too. Somehow I had figured in my head that if Micah was more than 2 years apart from his siblings that they wouldn't ever get along and be as good friends as my sister and I or as Albert and his brother (although that could still happen, just not for a little while). And Micah is so ready for a sibling. Out of nowhere he will hold out his hands and tell me the baby is sleeping, or that I should rock the baby. Or that the baby is crying and I need to give it a kiss, or that I should lay the baby in it's bed. He will pretend a piece of food is a baby, or sometimes it's just the air. I watch him around babies and he checks on them, and shares his toys with them, or turns on the music for them. It's so very very cute and adorable. It almost breaks my heart sometimes to know that he doesn't have a sibling here to love and enjoy. - Obviously it wouldn't always be roses, but you know what I mean. But as my husband says, we will just be able to enjoy Micah thoroughly and invest ourselves in him and be really well bonded and in the mean time we will continue to expose Micah to children of various ages to play with and to learn from. I will pray that he will be able to open his heart to siblings when the time comes, even if it means that he has to share his parents, who he will have had to himself for quite awhile. However, I know that God will be working in his heart just as He works in our hearts to prepare us for the children He has for us. When they do arrive, I know they will be loved. So loved. They are loved already.
Saturday, October 20, 2012
Heaven
So I have been thinking lately about what Heaven is like. So I decided to dive into my Bible to find some verses about Heaven. Two of my children are there so I wanted to know a little bit more about what it's like.
As I read some verses regarding Heaven a few things stood out to me. (I've put the verses first, and then some thoughts afterwards).
Matthew 13:31-32
He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seed, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:44
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Matthew 13:45-46
The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Hebrews 11:16-17
Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Revelations 21:4-5
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Revelations 4:2-3
At once I was in the Spirit and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.
Revelations 4:8-11
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is and is to come." Whenever the living creatures give glory, honour and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
Here are a few of my thoughts regarding all of this...
When Jesus describes Heaven, He did it mostly using parables/stories. He describes Heaven as being like a mustard seed, a treasure hidden in a field and a pearl. I'm no theologian, so I can only interpret things as far as I can, but treasure and pearls are considered to be quite amazing and priceless. In both cases the parable says that the people who find the treasure and the pearl sell everything to be able to attain the treasure or pearl. That to me says that Heaven is amazing and priceless. It's worth everything we have and then more. It's just that wonderful and awesome.
Jesus also talks about preparing rooms in Heaven for us (John 14:1-4) - that He would prepare a place for us.
When Paul is writing in the book of Philippians he says "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." He talks about how being with Christ is far better than remaining on this earth. Paul yearned to be with Jesus in Heaven. He remained on earth because God had plans for him, but he knew that being with Jesus in Heaven would be so much better than being on this earth.
In Revelations it talks a lot about Heaven now, but even more what Heaven will look like. It seems far to awesome to even begin to picture it. It talks about how there will be no more tears, no pain, no death, no hurt - how we long for that to be true here on earth, but know it isn't possible - not since the Garden of Eden happened. A place of no sorrow, no death. How amazing would that be? No death. Death is gone. Death does not exist. And I love how it continues to say that "these words are trustworthy and true". Heaven - where there is no death.
But what is there in Heaven? Jesus. In revelations it talks about unending praise for our Saviour. All creatures and people are constantly praising His Holy Name. Singing, music, praise for our Saviour all the time. It's a worship service that never ends and is even more meaningful and real because Jesus is there! Hearts overflowing with love and thankfulness to our Saviour.
All this being said, now when I think of Heaven, I think of my Saviour Jesus and I think of my children Kalyna and Jaimie who are there as well. (I'm not sure what everyone's opinion on whether my children are in Heaven or not, but there are many many Bible verses that point and show that children that haven't reached an age of accountability go to Heaven. The book "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur, details many of those verses that explain that miscarried babies, stillborn babies, infants and young children are with Jesus when they die.) I know that God has also given me peace that Jesus is holding my children in His arms. I believe that Jaimie and Kalyna are in Heaven with Jesus in the place that He has prepared for them, singing His praises with so much love in their hearts and big smiles on their faces. I believe they are dancing too with so much joy and so much love.
It's funny because I can even picture them. Kalyna with curly dark hair in pigtails and a light blue dress to match her stunning blue eyes. Jaimie in her arms, blond hair and blue eyes giggling and laughing. (Not sure why I always picture Jaimie younger than Kalyna, technically Jaimie is older, but Jaimie is younger anyways. - I never really know whether Jaimie is a boy or a girl. I tend to lean towards a girl, but I'm not really sure - a surprise that will be waiting for me in Heaven I guess.) But nonetheless, I rest assured that my children are in a place that is awesome and amazing. A place worth more than we can ever imagine. A place of no death, pain, hurt or sadness. A place of constant love and praise. A huge worship service. A place with my Jesus. My children are safe, happy, loved and cared for. Their hearts are so full of love that they spill forth with praise to our Jesus. What a wonderful thing to look forward to...the day when I can join my Jaimie and my Kalyna and can praise my Jesus face to face - no longer with the sting and pain of death in my heart.
As I read some verses regarding Heaven a few things stood out to me. (I've put the verses first, and then some thoughts afterwards).
Matthew 13:31-32
He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seed, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."
Matthew 13:44
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.
Matthew 13:45-46
The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.
John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."
Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.
Hebrews 11:16-17
Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.
Revelations 21:4-5
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
Revelations 4:2-3
At once I was in the Spirit and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.
Revelations 4:8-11
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is and is to come." Whenever the living creatures give glory, honour and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."
Here are a few of my thoughts regarding all of this...
When Jesus describes Heaven, He did it mostly using parables/stories. He describes Heaven as being like a mustard seed, a treasure hidden in a field and a pearl. I'm no theologian, so I can only interpret things as far as I can, but treasure and pearls are considered to be quite amazing and priceless. In both cases the parable says that the people who find the treasure and the pearl sell everything to be able to attain the treasure or pearl. That to me says that Heaven is amazing and priceless. It's worth everything we have and then more. It's just that wonderful and awesome.
Jesus also talks about preparing rooms in Heaven for us (John 14:1-4) - that He would prepare a place for us.
When Paul is writing in the book of Philippians he says "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." He talks about how being with Christ is far better than remaining on this earth. Paul yearned to be with Jesus in Heaven. He remained on earth because God had plans for him, but he knew that being with Jesus in Heaven would be so much better than being on this earth.
In Revelations it talks a lot about Heaven now, but even more what Heaven will look like. It seems far to awesome to even begin to picture it. It talks about how there will be no more tears, no pain, no death, no hurt - how we long for that to be true here on earth, but know it isn't possible - not since the Garden of Eden happened. A place of no sorrow, no death. How amazing would that be? No death. Death is gone. Death does not exist. And I love how it continues to say that "these words are trustworthy and true". Heaven - where there is no death.
But what is there in Heaven? Jesus. In revelations it talks about unending praise for our Saviour. All creatures and people are constantly praising His Holy Name. Singing, music, praise for our Saviour all the time. It's a worship service that never ends and is even more meaningful and real because Jesus is there! Hearts overflowing with love and thankfulness to our Saviour.
All this being said, now when I think of Heaven, I think of my Saviour Jesus and I think of my children Kalyna and Jaimie who are there as well. (I'm not sure what everyone's opinion on whether my children are in Heaven or not, but there are many many Bible verses that point and show that children that haven't reached an age of accountability go to Heaven. The book "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur, details many of those verses that explain that miscarried babies, stillborn babies, infants and young children are with Jesus when they die.) I know that God has also given me peace that Jesus is holding my children in His arms. I believe that Jaimie and Kalyna are in Heaven with Jesus in the place that He has prepared for them, singing His praises with so much love in their hearts and big smiles on their faces. I believe they are dancing too with so much joy and so much love.
It's funny because I can even picture them. Kalyna with curly dark hair in pigtails and a light blue dress to match her stunning blue eyes. Jaimie in her arms, blond hair and blue eyes giggling and laughing. (Not sure why I always picture Jaimie younger than Kalyna, technically Jaimie is older, but Jaimie is younger anyways. - I never really know whether Jaimie is a boy or a girl. I tend to lean towards a girl, but I'm not really sure - a surprise that will be waiting for me in Heaven I guess.) But nonetheless, I rest assured that my children are in a place that is awesome and amazing. A place worth more than we can ever imagine. A place of no death, pain, hurt or sadness. A place of constant love and praise. A huge worship service. A place with my Jesus. My children are safe, happy, loved and cared for. Their hearts are so full of love that they spill forth with praise to our Jesus. What a wonderful thing to look forward to...the day when I can join my Jaimie and my Kalyna and can praise my Jesus face to face - no longer with the sting and pain of death in my heart.
Tuesday, October 16, 2012
Sometimes days are frustrating
It was a frustrating day. You know, one of those days when you want to do something, but emotions get in the way. I was going to help out at a group that I was helping out at before when I was pregnant. I'm not very involved with the group, I just watch the kids while the group goes on. However, the program had ended before the summer and was just starting up again. Chances are that the people in the group would have no idea what happened. This generally causes me anxiety. I'm not sure why I get so anxious about telling people, but I do. A lot. I think that's part of why I'm writing, it's easier that way.
Anyways, the coordinator had asked me what I'd like to do about telling people. If I wanted her to do it, or if I would do it etc. I had done a lot of praying about it and had decided that it should be me that does it. That way I can explain things and try to point to God in all of it. I think it's more meaningful when it comes from the person it happened to. That and being vulnerable with others tends to open doors and people tend to be more open with you. I've learned that from previous experience. So that is what I had hoped to do. I had been preparing myself all morning to be able to do this.
However, curve ball.....
I was in the childcare room and happened to be holding a four month old little boy. What a sweet little boy. So smiley and cute! Anyways, someone came in at that moment and saw me and said, "oh you had a little boy!" Yikes...talk about throwing me completely off. I would have loved to have said, yes, or said no but she's in the other room. She had no idea obviously and it's a very natural and normal assumption to say. It just caught me off-guard. I should be prepared for stuff like that by now, but apparently I'm not. Well I had to give an honest answer, and well saying it out loud still brings tears to my eyes and chokes me up. Normally I try to continue on with a discussion, but bless this woman, she changed the subject so fast that we were talking about something else in a milisecond. Very sweet. She's great. Her daughter is pretty awesome too!
I just feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say because my emotions got in the way again. After that, the pain and sadness were back and I had a hard time shaking it that I didn't even remember to mention to the coordinator that I could say something to the group.
The kids kept me busy all morning. There sure were a lot of them today!
Yay for the group getting bigger! :)
I guess this just means I need to make sure that I have an answer ready that is longer than a couple words and practice till I am comfortable saying what I want to say. There really is no manual for any of this and some days truly are a struggle. Thankfully I have my Heavenly Father holding onto me, and giving me strength. I need to make sure that I embrace that strength each and every day, each and every moment. Hopefully I will still get the chance to share my story with this group.
Anyways, the coordinator had asked me what I'd like to do about telling people. If I wanted her to do it, or if I would do it etc. I had done a lot of praying about it and had decided that it should be me that does it. That way I can explain things and try to point to God in all of it. I think it's more meaningful when it comes from the person it happened to. That and being vulnerable with others tends to open doors and people tend to be more open with you. I've learned that from previous experience. So that is what I had hoped to do. I had been preparing myself all morning to be able to do this.
However, curve ball.....
I was in the childcare room and happened to be holding a four month old little boy. What a sweet little boy. So smiley and cute! Anyways, someone came in at that moment and saw me and said, "oh you had a little boy!" Yikes...talk about throwing me completely off. I would have loved to have said, yes, or said no but she's in the other room. She had no idea obviously and it's a very natural and normal assumption to say. It just caught me off-guard. I should be prepared for stuff like that by now, but apparently I'm not. Well I had to give an honest answer, and well saying it out loud still brings tears to my eyes and chokes me up. Normally I try to continue on with a discussion, but bless this woman, she changed the subject so fast that we were talking about something else in a milisecond. Very sweet. She's great. Her daughter is pretty awesome too!
I just feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say because my emotions got in the way again. After that, the pain and sadness were back and I had a hard time shaking it that I didn't even remember to mention to the coordinator that I could say something to the group.
The kids kept me busy all morning. There sure were a lot of them today!
Yay for the group getting bigger! :)
I guess this just means I need to make sure that I have an answer ready that is longer than a couple words and practice till I am comfortable saying what I want to say. There really is no manual for any of this and some days truly are a struggle. Thankfully I have my Heavenly Father holding onto me, and giving me strength. I need to make sure that I embrace that strength each and every day, each and every moment. Hopefully I will still get the chance to share my story with this group.
Saturday, October 13, 2012
Bible verses that have stood out to me
These are verses that while I've been reading, have spoken and stood out to me. I've found comfort and strength and love in the pages of God's word. God gave us His word to help us understand Him and who He is. It's there to strengthen us and to encourage. It's there to help us point others towards Him. I'm so glad God gave us His word. I know that God's word was not always a priority in my life, and it's unfortunate that it takes trials in this life to realize that we can't get through life without it. It's so important that before trials come, to be committed to reading and understanding the word of God.
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. ~Romans 15:4~
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5~
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had it's foundation on the rock. ~Matthew 7:24~
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his path beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen ~Romans 11:33-36~
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. ~Psalm 143:10~
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:33-34~
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness; and the darkness has not overcome it. ~John 1:4-5~
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. ~1 John 5:19-20~
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
~1 John 5:3-5~
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said "why did you doubt?"
~Matthew 14:30-31~
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13~
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4~
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ~Psalm 37:7a~
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~Romans 12:12~
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. ~John 1:12-13~
Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. ~Psalm 84:12~
For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. ~Romans 15:4~
I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5~
Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had it's foundation on the rock. ~Matthew 7:24~
Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his path beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen ~Romans 11:33-36~
Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. ~Psalm 143:10~
But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:33-34~
In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness; and the darkness has not overcome it. ~John 1:4-5~
We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. ~1 John 5:19-20~
In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
~1 John 5:3-5~
Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said "why did you doubt?"
~Matthew 14:30-31~
May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13~
Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4~
Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ~Psalm 37:7a~
Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~Romans 12:12~
Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. ~John 1:12-13~
Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. ~Psalm 84:12~
Bible Verses of God's Faithfulness
Here are some of the verses I've found that talk about God's faithfulness. God is faithful in all He does, the Bible tells us over and over how faithful our God is. I find it so comforting to know that we have a God who is faithful in all He does and says. He is forever faithful, even when our lives crumble to the ground. God is still faithful.
You are near, Lord, and all your commands are true. All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. ~Psalm 119:151 & 160~
Whoever has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. ~John 3:33-34~
Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory; because of your love and faithfulness.
~Psalm 115:1~
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
~Psalm 9:10~
For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. ~Psalm 33:4~
I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. ~Psalm 57:9-11~
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~Psalm 46:1~
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. ~Psalm 37:23-24~
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30~
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. ~Psalm 92:4~
He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10~
But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.
~Psalm 33:11~
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 125:1-2~
You are near, Lord, and all your commands are true. All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. ~Psalm 119:151 & 160~
Whoever has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit. ~John 3:33-34~
Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory; because of your love and faithfulness.
~Psalm 115:1~
Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
~Psalm 9:10~
For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. ~Psalm 33:4~
I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth. ~Psalm 57:9-11~
God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~Psalm 46:1~
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. ~Psalm 37:23-24~
Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30~
He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. ~Psalm 92:4~
He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10~
But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.
~Psalm 33:11~
Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
~Psalm 125:1-2~
Bible Verses of God's love
Here are a few of the Bible verses regarding God's love that have been meaningful to me. After comfort and strength verses, I found verses of God's love reassuring and uplifting. Here are a list of some of them :)
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
~John 3:16-17~
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
~1 John 3:16-18~
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name for your name is good.
~Psalm 52:8-9~
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
~Psalm 33:20-22~
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
~Psalm 103:11~
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...
~Psalm 33:18~
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
~Psalm 143:8~
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them.
~1 John 4:16~
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
~John 3:16-17~
This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
~1 John 3:16-18~
But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name for your name is good.
~Psalm 52:8-9~
We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
~Psalm 33:20-22~
For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
~Psalm 103:11~
But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...
~Psalm 33:18~
Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
~Psalm 143:8~
And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them.
~1 John 4:16~
Enjoying the moment
I was talking to a friend about this just recently about living in the now, enjoying now. Well I had one of those moments this morning. One that I wanted to record and file away in my memory to never forget. It's funny how in the past I may have taken these moments for granted, and now I just want to remember everything.
It is our first Saturday at home in a long time, and this morning we played a little Micah hide and seek as a family. It was wonderful. Micah would tell us whose turn it was to count and then the other two would go hide. Sometimes it was Micah counting..and Albert and I hiding. That was always too funny. Micah would walk around yelling "Mommy? Daddy?" over and over until he would find one of us. But whenever he found us, it wasn't a big surprise or anything, he'd say "there you are mommy" like it was no big deal, he knew where we were the whole time. He was pretty good at finding us too, he found me hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub...I thought that was impressive! Once he found one of us, we'd go together to find the other. It was so cute. Micah started picking out some pretty good hiding spots too. He hid behind his laundry basket in his room, behind the rocking chair, on the far side of the toilet. He's getting pretty good, but his downfall is that he can't contain his excitement! He tends to get excited about his good hiding spot and then laughs! It's super cute! I love it! Such pure joy that comes from playing hide and seek. I think we played for an hour and a half. What a wonderful way to spend a rainy Saturday morning :)
It is our first Saturday at home in a long time, and this morning we played a little Micah hide and seek as a family. It was wonderful. Micah would tell us whose turn it was to count and then the other two would go hide. Sometimes it was Micah counting..and Albert and I hiding. That was always too funny. Micah would walk around yelling "Mommy? Daddy?" over and over until he would find one of us. But whenever he found us, it wasn't a big surprise or anything, he'd say "there you are mommy" like it was no big deal, he knew where we were the whole time. He was pretty good at finding us too, he found me hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub...I thought that was impressive! Once he found one of us, we'd go together to find the other. It was so cute. Micah started picking out some pretty good hiding spots too. He hid behind his laundry basket in his room, behind the rocking chair, on the far side of the toilet. He's getting pretty good, but his downfall is that he can't contain his excitement! He tends to get excited about his good hiding spot and then laughs! It's super cute! I love it! Such pure joy that comes from playing hide and seek. I think we played for an hour and a half. What a wonderful way to spend a rainy Saturday morning :)
Friday, October 12, 2012
The beginning of a long journey
Well we finally have a day when our adoption journey begins. After a few months of waiting, our journey can begin on October 24th. We have to attend an orientation meeting to start the process. I have been told that this process can take a long time. I am learning patience and to appreciate what I have and to be content with where I am now. I am not in control, God is. His timing is perfect. His timing is not my timing, but nonetheless is perfect, therefore I will keep trusting Him and praying for contentment and patience.
Not that long ago, we heard the song "It is well with my soul" we were challenged on whether this is truly how we feel. (it wasn't pointed at me directly, but I feel as though everything is a challenge for me, I take all things to heart these days). The author of this song lost his 4 daughters in a shipwreck. How awful and devastating. I have a hard time with one daughter, let alone 4! And yet he wrote the song "It is well with my soul". To me this means I need to be content with where I am right now. Not constantly wanting more, not being disapointed. I need to appreciate what I have in the here and now. Being content with my little family on earth. Following God's desire for what He wants me to be doing now...Kidjam....Upward....helping others....continuing to speak about Him by sharing my story of His strength, courage and love. Being the best mom I can be to my son by showing God's love by my actions. Being a supportive wife and showing my husband God's love by my actions. Helping those in need. Encouraging those in need. Praying for those in need. Stepping out of the normal, and being a radical follower of Jesus. Not hiding, (not sure that is possible any more anyways...my life appears to be an open book) not being scared of this, but trusting in God's strength and courage to continue to be transparent. Looking at the needs of others and not my own. Loving my family for who they are. And if God should someday choose to bless us with more children – adoptive or otherwise – then I will be thankful, so thankful, but whether or not that happens...to know that my role on earth is to share my story and point others towards their loving Heavenly Father. One day I will have my big family – In Heaven we will be: Albert, Theresa, Micah, Kalyna and Jaimie. Until then, I hope to continue to trust God to help me be a witness for Him through words and actions so that people may come to know Jesus, and I can introduce them to my big family someday too.
This is so great to write, but real life is hard. Very hard. Stepping out in faith is hard. It's not easy. Making that move, saying that thing...it terrifies me...why? I don't really know why, but that's how I know it's only by God's strength that it is possible. I have to continuously get out of the way (fears, vanity, selfishness) and let God work.
Not that long ago, we heard the song "It is well with my soul" we were challenged on whether this is truly how we feel. (it wasn't pointed at me directly, but I feel as though everything is a challenge for me, I take all things to heart these days). The author of this song lost his 4 daughters in a shipwreck. How awful and devastating. I have a hard time with one daughter, let alone 4! And yet he wrote the song "It is well with my soul". To me this means I need to be content with where I am right now. Not constantly wanting more, not being disapointed. I need to appreciate what I have in the here and now. Being content with my little family on earth. Following God's desire for what He wants me to be doing now...Kidjam....Upward....helping others....continuing to speak about Him by sharing my story of His strength, courage and love. Being the best mom I can be to my son by showing God's love by my actions. Being a supportive wife and showing my husband God's love by my actions. Helping those in need. Encouraging those in need. Praying for those in need. Stepping out of the normal, and being a radical follower of Jesus. Not hiding, (not sure that is possible any more anyways...my life appears to be an open book) not being scared of this, but trusting in God's strength and courage to continue to be transparent. Looking at the needs of others and not my own. Loving my family for who they are. And if God should someday choose to bless us with more children – adoptive or otherwise – then I will be thankful, so thankful, but whether or not that happens...to know that my role on earth is to share my story and point others towards their loving Heavenly Father. One day I will have my big family – In Heaven we will be: Albert, Theresa, Micah, Kalyna and Jaimie. Until then, I hope to continue to trust God to help me be a witness for Him through words and actions so that people may come to know Jesus, and I can introduce them to my big family someday too.
This is so great to write, but real life is hard. Very hard. Stepping out in faith is hard. It's not easy. Making that move, saying that thing...it terrifies me...why? I don't really know why, but that's how I know it's only by God's strength that it is possible. I have to continuously get out of the way (fears, vanity, selfishness) and let God work.
Content. It is well with my soul. Can I
say this to be true? I will keep praying that it may be true in my
soul.
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