Emotions

I feel like I was never much of an emotional person. Yes I'm a female, so some it come with the hormones, but I feel like I was more of an even keel type of person. I was never really low, never really high. Now it seems like I feel emotions so deeply, I really don't know what to do with them.

This week has been an especially emotional week. It's hard to explain all the emotions that I have been overwhelmed with in the past week. But maybe if I try to explain them, they will make a little more sense to me?

In my previous post, I wrote about a wonderful woman. Someone who really I had just gotten to know since July. Maybe that's what made the loss so much more difficult, that I wanted to know her better, or wanted to learn more from her. I don't know. But I can't believe how much sorrow I have felt since her passing. Not that it isn't good to be sad and to miss her, but I want to be happy for her because she is with Jesus and her parents and her little ones who went before her. She lived her life serving God and had more than her fair share of health concerns. I'm sure she is now being rewarded for the life that she lived for God. I don't want to tear up everytime I think about her. I want to be happy for her and remember her fondly. I have so many memories of her. I love how my husband said it. He told me he had two very vivid pictures of her in his mind and he wanted to print them out so that he would remember her like that forever. One was of her giving me a hug back in July and the second was her sitting on the couch after church listening and talking with kids who were saying their memory verses to her. Two beautiful mental pictures of her. Those are beautiful memories of her. Why then do they make me sad? I can only think that it's because emotions aren't hidden anymore. They are there and present. When I feel something, I really feel it. So I guess I'm sad/happy all at the same time. Sad because I will miss her, happy because she is with Jesus and in such a better better place than here. I know some of the sadness is probably from thinking about how her family feels all these feelings even ten times more. How they have to continue on celebrating birthdays and Christmases with her earthly presence gone. But I know they will be relying on God for strength as well and He will graciously be providing it for them just as he has for us. Such a precious gift God's strength and comfort is.

Well, thankful for the time I did get to know her and her example. I know that my church family all feels the same way. She touched the lives of so many people as was evidenced by her beautiful memorial service. And I pray that I as well as others will be inspired by her life to continue to serve God and tell others about the Good News of Jesus, so that they too might find hope and strength to continue on in this ever difficult world.

All that being said, I also had the priviledge of celebrating my mom's 50th Birthday this week. What a blessing it is to be able to celebrate my mom's birthday with her. My mom's family and friends came by to celebrate my Mom! I especially loved how excited everyone was to surprise her! It was really great! It was a great celebration of her. She is definitely a great Mom and definitely an inspiration to me. She is ever so supportive and encouraging and uplifting. She is my mom and yet she is one of my greatest friends too. Such a blessing in my life. :) So thankful for her!

As this past week drew to a close, we now look forward to what this new week will bring...our initial home visit on the road to adoption. We are cleaning and extra baby proofing and making sure that we are doing all that we can to make sure that our home will be safe for the children to come. It seems somewhat silly to be extra proofing, when I know Micah is perfectly safe with the way it is, but then I think if there are more children in the house, I may not be watching every child as much as I watch Micah and I wouldn't want anything to happen, so it's good to be extra cautious. Nothing wrong with locking up medications and silverwear drawers.

Through all these emotions and turbulent times I know that God is seeing us through.
If you've never heard Mandisa's song "He is with you". You should check it out, it's really powerful. I was listening to it a lot this morning. Anyways, I'll leave you with a couple of verses, the first, the verse that was written on the program for the memorial service; and the second, one I found today while looking up the first verse:

"I have loved you with an everlasting love..."  ~Jeremiah 31:3~
I will turn their mourning into gladness;
I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.  ~Jeremiah 31:13~