"God sets the lonely in families"

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ~Psalm 68:5-6~

So full of so many emotions right now. Part of it could be from the lack of sleep from last night...not much sleep was had at our house last night. Seems odd...but it was really an odd night... a culmination of random things keeping us all awake. Guess that's why I'm not even bothering to try to sleep right now. Anyways, that's not the point. Tonight we had our first meeting about adoption. So happy to be starting along this journey! However, it was a bit of a reality check in many ways for me I think. Not that I didn't know most of everything that was spoken about, but more so just that any exception/fantasy that I might have dreamed up is clearly not going to happen. Which makes sense because this is reality and not a fantasy world - which you'd think I'd have learned by now. Life is super real. You don't get special treatment because you are you.

It was a good meeting though. Lots to look forward to. There are really endless ways in which we can help children in need. A couple of things that have tugged on our hearts are the adoption of a sibling group or maybe the foster with a view to adopt program. We will be open to whatever God wants us to be open to. (Small plug here for a spouse who is like-minded: so appreciative that my husband loves God and wants to follow His will and purpose for our lives and our family as well; that He is willing to be open to whatever God has in store. Love love love this about my husband. Love, so much love for him that he is willing to jump into this journey with two feet and not look back. Love that he wants to love whoever God brings into our lives completely. Love that God brought us together for each other. Yes I love my husband.) The journey is however going to be long.

This for me is difficult to get over. Obviously I would like a child now. I was ready to have a child in January, then I was ready to have a child in July. So not having my children here with me is hard. Not having the possibility to have another child within a year is difficult as well. There really is no way to have a child right now. Some people wait years and years before they have a child. I am blessed with one really great little boy that I can hold and play with here, two beautiful little children that I can love now and hold later and the possibility of loving and holding new children in a year or two. I just have to keep trusting God and keep my focus on Him (goes along with all that contentment stuff I had been talking about...definitely still struggling with that...but still praying for it). Yes, I must admit to grieving the fact that Micah will not have a sibling to grow up with for awhile. A prospect that makes me sad. I was very close to my sister growing up and Albert was close to his brother growing up and I really wanted that for Micah too. Somehow I had figured in my head that if Micah was more than 2 years apart from his siblings that they wouldn't ever get along and be as good friends as my sister and I or as Albert and his brother (although that could still happen, just not for a little while). And Micah is so ready for a sibling. Out of nowhere he will hold out his hands and tell me the baby is sleeping, or that I should rock the baby. Or that the baby is crying and I need to give it a kiss, or that I should lay the baby in it's bed. He will pretend a piece of food is a baby, or sometimes it's just the air. I watch him around babies and he checks on them, and shares his toys with them, or turns on the music for them. It's so very very cute and adorable. It almost breaks my heart sometimes to know that he doesn't have a sibling here to love and enjoy. - Obviously it wouldn't always be roses, but you know what I mean. But as my husband says, we will just be able to enjoy Micah thoroughly and invest ourselves in him and be really well bonded and in the mean time we will continue to expose Micah to children of various ages to play with and to learn from. I will pray that he will be able to open his heart to siblings when the time comes, even if it means that he has to share his parents, who he will have had to himself for quite awhile. However, I know that God will be working in his heart just as He works in our hearts to prepare us for the children He has for us. When they do arrive, I know they will be loved. So loved. They are loved already.