Wednesday, October 24, 2012

"God sets the lonely in families"

A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling. God sets the lonely in families, he leads out the prisoners with singing; but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land. ~Psalm 68:5-6~

So full of so many emotions right now. Part of it could be from the lack of sleep from last night...not much sleep was had at our house last night. Seems odd...but it was really an odd night... a culmination of random things keeping us all awake. Guess that's why I'm not even bothering to try to sleep right now. Anyways, that's not the point. Tonight we had our first meeting about adoption. So happy to be starting along this journey! However, it was a bit of a reality check in many ways for me I think. Not that I didn't know most of everything that was spoken about, but more so just that any exception/fantasy that I might have dreamed up is clearly not going to happen. Which makes sense because this is reality and not a fantasy world - which you'd think I'd have learned by now. Life is super real. You don't get special treatment because you are you.

It was a good meeting though. Lots to look forward to. There are really endless ways in which we can help children in need. A couple of things that have tugged on our hearts are the adoption of a sibling group or maybe the foster with a view to adopt program. We will be open to whatever God wants us to be open to. (Small plug here for a spouse who is like-minded: so appreciative that my husband loves God and wants to follow His will and purpose for our lives and our family as well; that He is willing to be open to whatever God has in store. Love love love this about my husband. Love, so much love for him that he is willing to jump into this journey with two feet and not look back. Love that he wants to love whoever God brings into our lives completely. Love that God brought us together for each other. Yes I love my husband.) The journey is however going to be long.

This for me is difficult to get over. Obviously I would like a child now. I was ready to have a child in January, then I was ready to have a child in July. So not having my children here with me is hard. Not having the possibility to have another child within a year is difficult as well. There really is no way to have a child right now. Some people wait years and years before they have a child. I am blessed with one really great little boy that I can hold and play with here, two beautiful little children that I can love now and hold later and the possibility of loving and holding new children in a year or two. I just have to keep trusting God and keep my focus on Him (goes along with all that contentment stuff I had been talking about...definitely still struggling with that...but still praying for it). Yes, I must admit to grieving the fact that Micah will not have a sibling to grow up with for awhile. A prospect that makes me sad. I was very close to my sister growing up and Albert was close to his brother growing up and I really wanted that for Micah too. Somehow I had figured in my head that if Micah was more than 2 years apart from his siblings that they wouldn't ever get along and be as good friends as my sister and I or as Albert and his brother (although that could still happen, just not for a little while). And Micah is so ready for a sibling. Out of nowhere he will hold out his hands and tell me the baby is sleeping, or that I should rock the baby. Or that the baby is crying and I need to give it a kiss, or that I should lay the baby in it's bed. He will pretend a piece of food is a baby, or sometimes it's just the air. I watch him around babies and he checks on them, and shares his toys with them, or turns on the music for them. It's so very very cute and adorable. It almost breaks my heart sometimes to know that he doesn't have a sibling here to love and enjoy. - Obviously it wouldn't always be roses, but you know what I mean. But as my husband says, we will just be able to enjoy Micah thoroughly and invest ourselves in him and be really well bonded and in the mean time we will continue to expose Micah to children of various ages to play with and to learn from. I will pray that he will be able to open his heart to siblings when the time comes, even if it means that he has to share his parents, who he will have had to himself for quite awhile. However, I know that God will be working in his heart just as He works in our hearts to prepare us for the children He has for us. When they do arrive, I know they will be loved. So loved. They are loved already.

Saturday, October 20, 2012

Heaven

So I have been thinking lately about what Heaven is like. So I decided to dive into my Bible to find some verses about Heaven. Two of my children are there so I wanted to know a little bit more about what it's like.
As I read some verses regarding Heaven a few things stood out to me. (I've put the verses first, and then some thoughts afterwards).

Matthew 13:31-32
He told them another parable: "The kingdom of heaven is like a mustard seed, which a man took and planted in his field. Though it is the smallest of all seed, yet when it grows, it is the largest of garden plants and becomes a tree, so that the birds come and perch in its branches."

Matthew 13:44
The kingdom of heaven is like treasure hidden in a field. When a man found it, he hid it again, and then in his joy went and sold all he had and bought that field.

Matthew 13:45-46
The kingdom of heaven is like a merchant looking for fine pearls. When he found one of great value, he went away and sold everything he had and bought it.

John 14:1-4
"Do not let your hearts be troubled. You believe in God; believe also in me. My Father's house has many rooms; if that were not so, would I have told you that I am going there to prepare a place for you? And if I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to be with me that you also may be where I am. You know the way to the place where I am going."

Philippians 1:20-24
I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labour for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body.

Hebrews 11:16-17
Instead, they were longing for a better country- a heavenly one. Therefore God is not ashamed to be called their God, for he has prepared a city for them.

Revelations 21:4-5
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away." He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."

Revelations 4:2-3
At once I was in the Spirit and there before me was a throne in heaven with someone sitting on it. And the one who sat there had the appearance of jasper and ruby. A rainbow that shone like an emerald encircled the throne.

Revelations 4:8-11
Each of the four living creatures had six wings and was covered with eyes all around, even under its wings. Day and night they never stop saying: "Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty, who was, who is and is to come." Whenever the living creatures give glory, honour and thanks to him who sits on the throne and who lives for ever and ever, the twenty-four elders fall down before him who sits on the throne and worship him who lives for ever and ever. They lay their crowns before the throne and say: "You are worthy, our Lord and God, to receive glory and honour and power, for you created all things, and by your will they were created and have their being."

Here are a few of my thoughts regarding all of this...

When Jesus describes Heaven, He did it mostly using parables/stories. He describes Heaven as being like a mustard seed, a treasure hidden in a field and a pearl. I'm no theologian, so I can only interpret things as far as I can, but treasure and pearls are considered to be quite amazing and priceless. In both cases the parable says that the people who find the treasure and the pearl sell everything to be able to attain the treasure or pearl. That to me says that Heaven is amazing and priceless. It's worth everything we have and then more. It's just that wonderful and awesome.

Jesus also talks about preparing rooms in Heaven for us (John 14:1-4) - that He would prepare a place for us.

When Paul is writing in the book of Philippians he says "I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far; but it is more necessary for you that I remain in the body." He talks about how being with Christ is far better than remaining on this earth. Paul yearned to be with Jesus in Heaven. He remained on earth because God had plans for him, but he knew that being with Jesus in Heaven would be so much better than being on this earth.

In Revelations it talks a lot about Heaven now, but even more what Heaven will look like. It seems far to awesome to even begin to picture it. It talks about how there will be no more tears, no pain, no death, no hurt - how we long for that to be true here on earth, but know it isn't possible - not since the Garden of Eden happened. A place of no sorrow, no death. How amazing would that be? No death. Death is gone. Death does not exist. And I love how it continues to say that "these words are trustworthy and true". Heaven - where there is no death.
But what is there in Heaven? Jesus. In revelations it talks about unending praise for our Saviour. All creatures and people are constantly praising His Holy Name. Singing, music, praise for our Saviour all the time. It's a worship service that never ends and is even more meaningful and real because Jesus is there! Hearts overflowing with love and thankfulness to our Saviour.

All this being said, now when I think of Heaven, I think of my Saviour Jesus and I think of my children Kalyna and Jaimie who are there as well. (I'm not sure what everyone's opinion on whether my children are in Heaven or not, but there are many many Bible verses that point and show that children that haven't reached an age of accountability go to Heaven. The book "Safe in the Arms of God" by John MacArthur, details many of those verses that explain that miscarried babies, stillborn babies, infants and young children are with Jesus when they die.) I know that God has also given me peace that Jesus is holding my children in His arms. I believe that Jaimie and Kalyna are in Heaven with Jesus in the place that He has prepared for them, singing His praises with so much love in their hearts and big smiles on their faces. I believe they are dancing too with so much joy and so much love.
It's funny because I can even picture them. Kalyna with curly dark hair in pigtails and a light blue dress to match her stunning blue eyes. Jaimie in her arms, blond hair and blue eyes giggling and laughing. (Not sure why I always picture Jaimie younger than Kalyna, technically Jaimie is older, but Jaimie is younger anyways. - I never really know whether Jaimie is a boy or a girl. I tend to lean towards a girl, but I'm not really sure - a surprise that will be waiting for me in Heaven I guess.) But nonetheless, I rest assured that my children are in a place that is awesome and amazing. A place worth more than we can ever imagine. A place of no death, pain, hurt or sadness. A place of constant love and praise. A huge worship service. A place with my Jesus. My children are safe, happy, loved and cared for. Their hearts are so full of love that they spill forth with praise to our Jesus. What a wonderful thing to look forward to...the day when I can join my Jaimie and my Kalyna and can praise my Jesus face to face - no longer with the sting and pain of death in my heart.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012

Sometimes days are frustrating

It was a frustrating day. You know, one of those days when you want to do something, but emotions get in the way. I was going to help out at a group that I was helping out at before when I was pregnant. I'm not very involved with the group, I just watch the kids while the group goes on. However, the program had ended before the summer and was just starting up again. Chances are that the people in the group would have no idea what happened. This generally causes me anxiety. I'm not sure why I get so anxious about telling people, but I do. A lot. I think that's part of why I'm writing, it's easier that way.
Anyways, the coordinator had asked me what I'd like to do about telling people. If I wanted her to do it, or if I would do it etc. I had done a lot of praying about it and had decided that it should be me that does it. That way I can explain things and try to point to God in all of it. I think it's more meaningful when it comes from the person it happened to. That and being vulnerable with others tends to open doors and people tend to be more open with you. I've learned that from previous experience. So that is what I had hoped to do. I had been preparing myself all morning to be able to do this.
However, curve ball.....
I was in the childcare room and happened to be holding a four month old little boy. What a sweet little boy. So smiley and cute! Anyways, someone came in at that moment and saw me and said, "oh you had a little boy!" Yikes...talk about throwing me completely off. I would have loved to have said, yes, or said no but she's in the other room. She had no idea obviously and it's a very natural and normal assumption to say. It just caught me off-guard. I should be prepared for stuff like that by now, but apparently I'm not. Well I had to give an honest answer, and well saying it out loud still brings tears to my eyes and chokes me up. Normally I try to continue on with a discussion, but bless this woman, she changed the subject so fast that we were talking about something else in a milisecond. Very sweet. She's great. Her daughter is pretty awesome too!
 I just feel like I didn't get to say everything I wanted to say because my emotions got in the way again. After that, the pain and sadness were back and I had a hard time shaking it that I didn't even remember to mention to the coordinator that I could say something to the group.
The kids kept me busy all morning. There sure were a lot of them today!
Yay for the group getting bigger! :)
I guess this just means I need to make sure that I have an answer ready that is longer than a couple words and practice till I am comfortable saying what I want to say.  There really is no manual for any of this and some days truly are a struggle. Thankfully I have my Heavenly Father holding onto me, and giving me strength. I need to make sure that I embrace that strength each and every day, each and every moment. Hopefully I will still get the chance to share my story with this group.

Saturday, October 13, 2012

Bible verses that have stood out to me

These are verses that while I've been reading, have spoken and stood out to me. I've found comfort and strength and love in the pages of God's word. God gave us His word to help us understand Him and who He is. It's there to strengthen us and to encourage. It's there to help us point others towards Him. I'm so glad God gave us His word. I know that God's word was not always a priority in my life, and it's unfortunate that it takes trials in this life to realize that we can't get through life without it. It's so important that before trials come, to be committed to reading and understanding the word of God.

For everything that was written in the past was written to teach us, so that through the endurance taught in the Scriptures and the encouragement they provide we might have hope. ~Romans 15:4~

I wait for the Lord, my whole being waits, and in his word I put my hope. ~Psalm 130:5~

Therefore everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who built his house on the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against that house, yet it did not fall, because it had it's foundation on the rock. ~Matthew 7:24~

Oh, the depth of the riches of the wisdom and knowledge of God! How unsearchable his judgements, and his path beyond tracing out! Who has known the mind of the Lord? Or who has been his counselor? Who has ever given to God, that God should repay them? For from him and through him are all things. To him be the glory forever! Amen     ~Romans 11:33-36~

Teach me to do your will, for you are my God; may your good Spirit lead me on level ground. ~Psalm 143:10~

But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own. ~Matthew 6:33-34~

In him was life, and that life was the light of all mankind. The light shines in the darkness; and the darkness has not overcome it. ~John 1:4-5~

We know that we are children of God, and that the whole world is under the control of the evil one. We know also that the Son of God has come and has given us understanding so that we may know him who is true. And we are in him who is true by being in his Son Jesus Christ. He is the true God and eternal life. ~1 John 5:19-20~

In fact, this is love for God: to keep his commands. And his commands are not burdensome, for everyone born of God overcomes the world. This is the victory that has overcome the world, even our faith. Who is it that overcomes the world? Only the one who believes that Jesus is the Son of God.
 ~1 John 5:3-5~

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said "why did you doubt?"
~Matthew 14:30-31~

May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit. ~Romans 15:13~

Take delight in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart. ~Psalm 37:4~

Be still before the Lord and wait patiently for him; ~Psalm 37:7a~

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer. ~Romans 12:12~

Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God - children born not of natural descent, nor human decision or a husband's will, but born of God. ~John 1:12-13~

Lord Almighty, blessed is the one who trusts in you. ~Psalm 84:12~


Bible Verses of God's Faithfulness

Here are some of the verses I've found that talk about God's faithfulness. God is faithful in all He does, the Bible tells us over and over how faithful our God is. I find it so comforting to know that we have a God who is faithful in all He does and says. He is forever faithful, even when our lives crumble to the ground. God is still faithful.

You are near, Lord, and all your commands are true. All your words are true; all your righteous laws are eternal. ~Psalm 119:151 & 160~

Whoever has accepted it has certified that God is truthful. For the one whom God has sent speaks the words of God, for God gives the Spirit without limit.  ~John 3:33-34~

Not to us, Lord, not to us but to your name be the glory; because of your love and faithfulness.
~Psalm 115:1~

Those who know your name trust in you, for you, Lord, have never forsaken those who seek you.
~Psalm 9:10~

For the word of the Lord is right and true; he is faithful in all he does. ~Psalm 33:4~

I will praise you, Lord, among the nations; I will sing of you among the peoples. For great is your love, reaching to the heavens; your faithfulness reaches to the skies. Be exalted, O God, above the heavens; let your glory be over all the earth.  ~Psalm 57:9-11~

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. ~Psalm 46:1~

The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him; though he may stumble, he will not fall, for the Lord upholds him with his hand. ~Psalm 37:23-24~

Come to me all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. ~Matthew 11:28-30~

He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart. ~Psalm 92:4~

He says, "Be still, and know that I am God; I will be exalted among the nations, I will be exalted in the earth." ~Psalm 46:10~

But the plans of the Lord stand firm forever, the purposes of his heart through all generations.
 ~Psalm 33:11~

Those who trust in the Lord are like Mount Zion, which cannot be shaken but endures forever. As the mountains surround Jerusalem, so the Lord surrounds his people both now and forevermore.
 ~Psalm 125:1-2~

Bible Verses of God's love

Here are a few of the Bible verses regarding God's love that have been meaningful to me. After comfort and strength verses, I found verses of God's love reassuring and uplifting. Here are a list of some of them :)

For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.
~John 3:16-17~

This is how we know what love is: Jesus Christ laid down His life for us. And we ought to lay down our lives for our brothers and sisters. If anyone has material possessions and sees a brother or sister in need but has no pity on them, how can the love of God be in that person? Dear children let us not love with words or speech but with actions and in truth.
~1 John 3:16-18~

But I am like an olive tree flourishing in the house of God; I trust in God's unfailing love forever and ever. For what you have done I will always praise you in the presence of your faithful people. And I will hope in your name for your name is good.
~Psalm 52:8-9~

We wait in hope for the Lord; he is our help and our shield. In him our hearts rejoice, for we trust in his holy name. May your unfailing love be with us, Lord, even as we put our hope in you.
~Psalm 33:20-22~

For as high as the heavens are above the earth, so great is his love for those who fear him;
~Psalm 103:11~

But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love...
~Psalm 33:18~

Let the morning bring me word of your unfailing love, for I have put my trust in you. Show me the way I should go, for to you I entrust my life.
~Psalm 143:8~

And so we know and rely on the love God has for us. God is love. Whoever lives in love lives in God and God in them.
~1 John 4:16~

Enjoying the moment

I was talking to a friend about this just recently about living in the now, enjoying now. Well I had one of those moments this morning. One that I wanted to record and file away in my memory to never forget. It's funny how in the past I may have taken these moments for granted, and now I just want to remember everything.
It is our first Saturday at home in a long time, and this morning we played a little Micah hide and seek as a family. It was wonderful. Micah would tell us whose turn it was to count and then the other two would go hide. Sometimes it was Micah counting..and Albert and I hiding. That was always too funny. Micah would walk around yelling "Mommy? Daddy?" over and over until he would find one of us. But whenever he found us, it wasn't a big surprise or anything, he'd say "there you are mommy" like it was no big deal, he knew where we were the whole time. He was pretty good at finding us too, he found me hiding behind the shower curtain in the bathtub...I thought that was impressive! Once he found one of us, we'd go together to find the other. It was so cute.  Micah started picking out some pretty good hiding spots too. He hid behind his laundry basket in his room, behind the rocking chair, on the far side of the toilet. He's getting pretty good, but his downfall is that he can't contain his excitement! He tends to get excited about his good hiding spot and then laughs! It's super cute! I love it! Such pure joy that comes from playing hide and seek. I think we played for an hour and a half. What a wonderful way to spend a rainy Saturday morning :)