Here are the verses that I used for comfort. People sent us verses, I took verses off of cards and I scoured my Bible for comfort verses. When words don't help - there really is nothing one can say - Bible verses are often the biggest source of comfort as they help give you an eternal perspective (as our pastor would say) and when tragedy's occur, an eternal perspective is so important in helping one continue on.
Please use these verses and share them with others. I sincerely hope that they will point you towards an eternal perspective - our God of love - as they did with me....I clung to these verses of truth as a source of hope and light when darkness and dispair wanted to take over.
Praise be to God the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ. ~ 2 Corinthians 1:3-5~
"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plnas to give you hope and a future. Then you will call on me and come and pray, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart." ~Jeremiah 29:11-13~
He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away. He who was seated on the throne said, "I am making everything new!" Then he said, "Write this down, for these words are trustworthy and true."
~Revelation 21:4-5~
He will swallow up death forever. The Sovereign Lord will wipe away the tears from all faces; he will remove his people's disgrace from all the earth. ~Isaiah 25:8~
The Lord is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit. ~Psalm 34:18~
You who are my Comforter in sorrow, my heart is faint within me. ~Jeremiah 8:18~
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. ~Psalm 56:8~
"It was I who taught Ephraim to walk, taking them by the arms; but they did not realize it was I who healed them. I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love. To them I was like one who lifts a little child to the cheek, and I bent down to feed them." ~Hosea 11:3-4~
Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff they comfort me. ~Psalm 23:4~
He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. ~Isaiah 40:11~
See, I have engraved you on the palms of my hands; your walls are ever before me. ~Isaiah 49:16~
Shout for joy, you heavens; rejoice, you earth; burst into song, you mountains! For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones. ~Isaiah 49:13~
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. ~Isaiah 41:10~
The Lord your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing. ~Zephaniah 3:17~
The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has annointed me to proclaim good news to the poor. He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the Lord's favour and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and to provide for those who grieve in Zion - to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of joy instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of dispair. They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor. ~Isaiah 61:1-3~
I will give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one will snatch them out of my hand. My Father who has given them to me, is greater than all, no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one." ~John 10:28-30~
Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." ~Matthew 19:14~
Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and rust destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also. ~Matthew 6:19-21~
Tuesday, October 9, 2012
Monday, October 8, 2012
Thanksgiving
Thanksgiving. A holiday I had looked forward to. We have a tradition of walking in the bush at the farm and finding the creek again to see if there are any fish in it. Then we always find some clay along the shore and paint our faces...crazy I know...but ever since I've joined my husband's family, it's what we do. I love it! I had looked forward to carrying our new little one through the bush on this walk...however, I was not carrying her today physically, although was definitely carrying her in my heart.
The question posed at lunch was, what are you thankful for. Of course there were the normal answers, thankful for this wonderful meal, for family etc...all of which I am thankful for as well.
This year, the biggest thing that I am thankful for is that I had the chance to hold my daughter. We didn't have that blessing with Jaimie, but I am so thankful that I got to hold Kalyna. I was able to give birth to her - giving her a birth story, I got to hold her, to kiss her soft cheek, to see her curly dark hair, to introduce my family to her. I'm thankful that I have a daughter, eventhough she is in Heaven.
I wish I had been able to verbalize that thought at lunch, although, was feeling like I'd burst into tears if I did...and didn't want to dampen the mood...although I know that it would have been perfectly fine.
And as someone else said, they are thankful that there is a Heaven and that we will get to see Kalyna again. I agree, I am also thankful for Heaven.
I am thankful for Jesus and that He loves me, and that I can be His child because of the sacrifice He made on the cross. Because of that, I know I will see Him one day, and thus will also see my beautiful daughter again as well.
Thank you Jesus for your amazing love.
The question posed at lunch was, what are you thankful for. Of course there were the normal answers, thankful for this wonderful meal, for family etc...all of which I am thankful for as well.
This year, the biggest thing that I am thankful for is that I had the chance to hold my daughter. We didn't have that blessing with Jaimie, but I am so thankful that I got to hold Kalyna. I was able to give birth to her - giving her a birth story, I got to hold her, to kiss her soft cheek, to see her curly dark hair, to introduce my family to her. I'm thankful that I have a daughter, eventhough she is in Heaven.
I wish I had been able to verbalize that thought at lunch, although, was feeling like I'd burst into tears if I did...and didn't want to dampen the mood...although I know that it would have been perfectly fine.
And as someone else said, they are thankful that there is a Heaven and that we will get to see Kalyna again. I agree, I am also thankful for Heaven.
I am thankful for Jesus and that He loves me, and that I can be His child because of the sacrifice He made on the cross. Because of that, I know I will see Him one day, and thus will also see my beautiful daughter again as well.
Thank you Jesus for your amazing love.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
Support
I cannot believe how much support we've had. It's overwhelming. I really had no idea how much people care and will support you when you need it.
Our family was incredibly supportive. They were present at the hospital, showing us support, refusing to let us go through it alone, yet giving us the space we needed. They took care of details and cherished the moments they had with our daughter/their granddaughter. They were there for us. Going through it with us and grieving with us. Our immediate family all should their support by coming for Kalyna's service and spending time celebrating her brief life. To our families, thank you.
Our friends were there for us as well. I had to post something on facebook regarding what had happend as I had been talking about my pregnancy on facebook. So many comments were left after that post. So many people telling me they were thinking of us and praying for us and sending hugs our way. Everyone's comments were so precious to me. Letters, cards, emails, gifts, food, verses - so many ways that people showed they cared and that they loved us and our daughter too. We'd only been at our church for just over a year, and the love and support from our church family was overwhelming. Our pastor and his family even left their vacation early to come and do our daughter's service. We had meals from our church family and cards, emails, prayers. So much support. So much love. I can only hope that we can show the same kind of love to others in their time of need.
I just have to put a little plug in for a church family.
Many people wonder why one would be a part of a church...why is it important...well I believe one of those reasons (that is one of many reasons) is to do life with each other. Life is hard. It's impossible when you try to go it alone. When you have people around you who care for you and love you, it makes it possible to get through life.
So I know I haven't said it enough, but thank you so much to all our family and friends who are continuing to support us and are praying for us. We so appreciate all of you.
Our family was incredibly supportive. They were present at the hospital, showing us support, refusing to let us go through it alone, yet giving us the space we needed. They took care of details and cherished the moments they had with our daughter/their granddaughter. They were there for us. Going through it with us and grieving with us. Our immediate family all should their support by coming for Kalyna's service and spending time celebrating her brief life. To our families, thank you.
Our friends were there for us as well. I had to post something on facebook regarding what had happend as I had been talking about my pregnancy on facebook. So many comments were left after that post. So many people telling me they were thinking of us and praying for us and sending hugs our way. Everyone's comments were so precious to me. Letters, cards, emails, gifts, food, verses - so many ways that people showed they cared and that they loved us and our daughter too. We'd only been at our church for just over a year, and the love and support from our church family was overwhelming. Our pastor and his family even left their vacation early to come and do our daughter's service. We had meals from our church family and cards, emails, prayers. So much support. So much love. I can only hope that we can show the same kind of love to others in their time of need.
I just have to put a little plug in for a church family.
Many people wonder why one would be a part of a church...why is it important...well I believe one of those reasons (that is one of many reasons) is to do life with each other. Life is hard. It's impossible when you try to go it alone. When you have people around you who care for you and love you, it makes it possible to get through life.
So I know I haven't said it enough, but thank you so much to all our family and friends who are continuing to support us and are praying for us. We so appreciate all of you.
She's gone
Again life felt like it should just stop. Stop. No more. No one else should be able to keep going on with their lives. Life should be over. But it doesn't work like that...
What were we to do now? Our Kalyna, the one we had been waiting for for nine months plus was gone. We came home to an empty house, an empty baby room. There was no baby crying, no putting the other carseat in the car, no sibling for Micah to be jealous over. Nothing appeared to have changed. But so much had changed. What do we do now? That was the question that I asked over and over again. What do I do now?
Well, in all of that, as easy as it would be to simply give up, it didn't seem possible. I was being upheld by a power stronger than me. It wouldn't let me give up. It wouldn't let me lay down and die. It propelled me onward saying that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that I needed to be present in my life to be used to allow that purpose to transpire. If I gave up, than my daughter's life was for nothing. It was God's power holding me up, keeping me from crumbling. It was God who said that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that if I continued to allow God to work in my life and use me that her purpose would come to be. I had given God my baby when I was newly pregnant and said that I trusted Him, well now I had to practice what I believed. Yes, the worst happened, but I had to keep trusting that God still has a plan and purpose despite all that happened. And what about all those prayers that I prayed every day that my baby would be safe and healthy? Well as my amazing husband says, God technically did answer our prayers. Our Kalyna is safe and healthy. I hadn't thought about it that way. But it was so true. Our Kalyna would never have to experience the pain, hurt, devastation, sickness, sadness, sorrow that this world can bring. She is forever happy in the presence of our Saviour Jesus. She is forever full of love, praising our Saviour on the streets of gold. Forever dancing. Forever innocent and pure. As someone said to me recently, if we can't raise our child, then who better but God to raise our child. It's so true. He's the best, most loving parent there is.
All that being said, we are still here without her. As you can imagine, that is not an easy task. All I want is to hold her again. To kiss her soft cheek, to have sleepless nights, to struggle with breastfeeding, to fall asleep singing to her, to listen to her gurgles and to see the first smile...etc...and on and on I could go. But what does all of that accomplish? well nothing really. Again, as my husband says, she wasn't meant to be in our daily life. She was meant for those 39 weeks. Great things for God will come out of those 39 weeks. We can't spend our time picturing her in our life as she wasn't meant to be in our life in a physical way. As our pastor said, God desires life, so I don't believe that He took her, but this world is controlled by evil - ever since Adam and Eve - it has been controlled by evil. Dangers of being in the womb are one of those consequences of the evil world. However, despite the things that happen as a result of this world, God is still working things for His glory, so others will come to know Him and join Him in Heaven one day. Do I believe God could have saved her - absolutely - He can do all things. Why He chose not to, I don't know, only that it must mean that His glory will be greater with this outcome. With that being the case, I want to make sure that His glory shines from my daughter's life. That God is glorified through her life.
Another thing I struggle with and have to be careful about is letting my thoughts go to "it's not fair". Why is it, that 6 of my friends all have their healthy baby girls born this year and I don't? Why do I have to watch 6 little girls grow up and not being able to experience my own little girl growing up? Why will those 6 little girls not have the priveldge of being my daughter's friends? But again, that kind of thinking only leads to trouble. Life is not fair. It never has been. My life isn't the worst life there is...many people lose children, many people lose multiple children. It's not fair...is not a statment worth contemplating at all. Those little girls are each unique and special in their own way. I will choose (with God's strength) to love each of them and be a loving presence in their lives. I will not be jealous or resentful. Yes, some days I might be a little sad, but each of those little girls will be so precious to me and I will cherish every minute I spend with each of them.
As I sit here writing...it's really no wonder why I feel tired all the time. Everything I do now in life is a choice. I have to fight off the urge to do what is easy and choose to make the right choices. Everyday I need to choose to accept the strength, courage and love that God gives to me. His strength to make the right choices. His courage to live my day with purpose - purpose to share the Good News of Jesus with others, and His love to know that I am not worthless (two babies have died inside of me...it's easy to feel like a complete failure - and to feel that it is all my fault) but find my worth in His love.
What were we to do now? Our Kalyna, the one we had been waiting for for nine months plus was gone. We came home to an empty house, an empty baby room. There was no baby crying, no putting the other carseat in the car, no sibling for Micah to be jealous over. Nothing appeared to have changed. But so much had changed. What do we do now? That was the question that I asked over and over again. What do I do now?
Well, in all of that, as easy as it would be to simply give up, it didn't seem possible. I was being upheld by a power stronger than me. It wouldn't let me give up. It wouldn't let me lay down and die. It propelled me onward saying that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that I needed to be present in my life to be used to allow that purpose to transpire. If I gave up, than my daughter's life was for nothing. It was God's power holding me up, keeping me from crumbling. It was God who said that my daughter's life had meaning and purpose and that if I continued to allow God to work in my life and use me that her purpose would come to be. I had given God my baby when I was newly pregnant and said that I trusted Him, well now I had to practice what I believed. Yes, the worst happened, but I had to keep trusting that God still has a plan and purpose despite all that happened. And what about all those prayers that I prayed every day that my baby would be safe and healthy? Well as my amazing husband says, God technically did answer our prayers. Our Kalyna is safe and healthy. I hadn't thought about it that way. But it was so true. Our Kalyna would never have to experience the pain, hurt, devastation, sickness, sadness, sorrow that this world can bring. She is forever happy in the presence of our Saviour Jesus. She is forever full of love, praising our Saviour on the streets of gold. Forever dancing. Forever innocent and pure. As someone said to me recently, if we can't raise our child, then who better but God to raise our child. It's so true. He's the best, most loving parent there is.
All that being said, we are still here without her. As you can imagine, that is not an easy task. All I want is to hold her again. To kiss her soft cheek, to have sleepless nights, to struggle with breastfeeding, to fall asleep singing to her, to listen to her gurgles and to see the first smile...etc...and on and on I could go. But what does all of that accomplish? well nothing really. Again, as my husband says, she wasn't meant to be in our daily life. She was meant for those 39 weeks. Great things for God will come out of those 39 weeks. We can't spend our time picturing her in our life as she wasn't meant to be in our life in a physical way. As our pastor said, God desires life, so I don't believe that He took her, but this world is controlled by evil - ever since Adam and Eve - it has been controlled by evil. Dangers of being in the womb are one of those consequences of the evil world. However, despite the things that happen as a result of this world, God is still working things for His glory, so others will come to know Him and join Him in Heaven one day. Do I believe God could have saved her - absolutely - He can do all things. Why He chose not to, I don't know, only that it must mean that His glory will be greater with this outcome. With that being the case, I want to make sure that His glory shines from my daughter's life. That God is glorified through her life.
Another thing I struggle with and have to be careful about is letting my thoughts go to "it's not fair". Why is it, that 6 of my friends all have their healthy baby girls born this year and I don't? Why do I have to watch 6 little girls grow up and not being able to experience my own little girl growing up? Why will those 6 little girls not have the priveldge of being my daughter's friends? But again, that kind of thinking only leads to trouble. Life is not fair. It never has been. My life isn't the worst life there is...many people lose children, many people lose multiple children. It's not fair...is not a statment worth contemplating at all. Those little girls are each unique and special in their own way. I will choose (with God's strength) to love each of them and be a loving presence in their lives. I will not be jealous or resentful. Yes, some days I might be a little sad, but each of those little girls will be so precious to me and I will cherish every minute I spend with each of them.
As I sit here writing...it's really no wonder why I feel tired all the time. Everything I do now in life is a choice. I have to fight off the urge to do what is easy and choose to make the right choices. Everyday I need to choose to accept the strength, courage and love that God gives to me. His strength to make the right choices. His courage to live my day with purpose - purpose to share the Good News of Jesus with others, and His love to know that I am not worthless (two babies have died inside of me...it's easy to feel like a complete failure - and to feel that it is all my fault) but find my worth in His love.
Kalyna Leanne's Story
Let me tell you about our beautiful daughter Kalyna Leanne. Her story begins with my intense desire to be pregnant again after having miscarried with Jaimie. We were told to wait three months before we tried again to have a baby since my body needed time to heal and prepare again. Although I was tempted to try before that, we wanted the baby to have the best chance to make it, so we waited the full three months before trying again. Needless to say we were pregnant again near the end of October. What wonderfulness, mixed with a lot of fear and apprehension. What happens if we lose this baby again...what will we do?? What will I do? I had to give my baby up to God; that whatever happens He would see us through. There was no way I would make it otherwise, I'd be a complete wreck worrying all the time. So I gave my baby to God knowing that He loves my baby more than I do, and no matter what I would trust Him and His plans.
Well little did I know how much I would need to do that. The pregnancy itself was rough. I had a subchorionic bleed at about 11 weeks - Christmas Day we ended up in emerg. Thankfully the baby still had a heart beat and all was good, but I was on bed rest for the next day. We eventually found out about the subchorionic bleed and I wasn't allowed to life Micah anymore. That was rough. I had to get really creative to even leave the house as I couldn't lift him into the car. Anyways, we made it through that part, and in the process had many many ultrasounds to check on things and how they were going. It was nice to get to see our little baby many times and to see her heart beating strong (we didn't know she was a girl at the time though).
I started going into labour early Tuesday morning, July 10th. They weren't very strong and were quite far apart. So I just went about my day normally thinking it was probably going to be awhile. My friend came over and we hung out around the house. I kept telling her how much the baby was moving, having the hiccups etc. The baby moved all morning and all afternoon until my friend left and then I laid down with Micah for a bit. I then did some cleaning up and realized I hadn't felt the baby move in a bit. I was doing the lying down and trying to count movements, but wasn't having any luck. I could usually poke and push a little and I would get some movement. By the time Albert was home I was worried and we headed to the hospital. It wasn't long before we were again hearing those words "the baby has no heartbeat". Complete devastation.
I think I was in shock most of that night as I lay awake in the hospital room while slowly being induced.
Our beautiful daughter Kalyna Leanne was born at 8:10am on July 11th. She was born completely wrapped up in the cord. The cord was believed to be the cause of death. How awful.
She weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was almost 22 inches long. She had dark curly hair a cute nose that looked like Micah's and long legs. She was so beautiful. We spent the day lovingly adoring our beautiful daughter while we held her and introduced her grandparents and uncle to her.
I love her name. Albert picked out her first name and her middle name is a combination of many members of our family. Kalyna means guelder rose and her middle name means meadow of Grace. I think it's so fitting that her name is Rose in the Meadow of Grace.
She is my sweet beautiful girl that I will remember forever and think of always. I will always picture her in Heaven with Jesus and look forward to the day when I will get to hold her again.
Well little did I know how much I would need to do that. The pregnancy itself was rough. I had a subchorionic bleed at about 11 weeks - Christmas Day we ended up in emerg. Thankfully the baby still had a heart beat and all was good, but I was on bed rest for the next day. We eventually found out about the subchorionic bleed and I wasn't allowed to life Micah anymore. That was rough. I had to get really creative to even leave the house as I couldn't lift him into the car. Anyways, we made it through that part, and in the process had many many ultrasounds to check on things and how they were going. It was nice to get to see our little baby many times and to see her heart beating strong (we didn't know she was a girl at the time though).
I started going into labour early Tuesday morning, July 10th. They weren't very strong and were quite far apart. So I just went about my day normally thinking it was probably going to be awhile. My friend came over and we hung out around the house. I kept telling her how much the baby was moving, having the hiccups etc. The baby moved all morning and all afternoon until my friend left and then I laid down with Micah for a bit. I then did some cleaning up and realized I hadn't felt the baby move in a bit. I was doing the lying down and trying to count movements, but wasn't having any luck. I could usually poke and push a little and I would get some movement. By the time Albert was home I was worried and we headed to the hospital. It wasn't long before we were again hearing those words "the baby has no heartbeat". Complete devastation.
I think I was in shock most of that night as I lay awake in the hospital room while slowly being induced.
Our beautiful daughter Kalyna Leanne was born at 8:10am on July 11th. She was born completely wrapped up in the cord. The cord was believed to be the cause of death. How awful.
She weighed 7 pounds 14 ounces and was almost 22 inches long. She had dark curly hair a cute nose that looked like Micah's and long legs. She was so beautiful. We spent the day lovingly adoring our beautiful daughter while we held her and introduced her grandparents and uncle to her.
I love her name. Albert picked out her first name and her middle name is a combination of many members of our family. Kalyna means guelder rose and her middle name means meadow of Grace. I think it's so fitting that her name is Rose in the Meadow of Grace.
She is my sweet beautiful girl that I will remember forever and think of always. I will always picture her in Heaven with Jesus and look forward to the day when I will get to hold her again.
Kalyna Leanne
July 11 2012
Forever Loved
Forever Safe in the Arms of Jesus
I believe Kalyna's legacy is all that follows...
Wednesday, October 3, 2012
Jaimie's Story
Let me tell you about our little Jaimie. The story begins shortly after we moved. After settling in and doing some painting in our new house, we were overjoyed to be expecting our second child (May 2011). We were so excited! Excited at the prospect of having another child and excited that Micah would have a sibling! How wonderful. We were about 9 weeks pregnant when we started sharing the news with our family and a couple close friends.
At the time we were still searching for a church family. We had been to a few, but for some reason they just didn't feel like the right fit for our family. I was pretty lonely. Before we moved, I had so many different people that I would meet with, but now there really was no one except my parents. Then just after Canada Day, we decided to try the SEMC. It was the same denomination as our previous church - not something we are hung up on, but we hadn't found a good fit amongst the other churches we had attended, so we decided to try it. The people there were so welcoming and dropped whatever they were doing to talk to us and show us around the church. We immediately felt loved and felt like perhaps this is where we should be.
It was the Wednesday after that Sunday that we found ourselves being told by the ultrasound technician that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. Our precious little one had passed away.
What devistating news. This news brought all my hopes and dreams to a crashing halt. I had heard of miscarriages before, but I had never felt the emotional pain that a miscarriage brings. That and being one who dislikes hospitals and in general being in someone else's control and not my own also terrified me as I had to meet with a doctor I didn't know and was told I needed minor surgery. Something I really didn't ever want to experience...and it just felt wrong. Whether that was the right or wrong decision, I don't know. Apparently my body wasn't doing anything about my little baby that passed away and so there needed to be some medical intervention. What a wretched thing. Thankfully they put me to sleep for the whole ordeal, but I must say I was a wreck. Complete wreck. Thankfully Albert was my rock through that. I couldn't have made it without him. I never wanted to talk about it again after it was over. All I wanted was to be pregant again and have a baby. I had trouble sleeping and I constantly wanted to escape my life by being lost in a book so I could disappear into someone else's life.
Our little Jaimie's day was July 11, 2011.
Well clearly God was there through that as well. I know I wasn't relying on Him as I should have been through that time, but He was there nonetheless and took us to exactly where we needed to be. We went back to SEMC that next Sunday, and although no one knew what had transpired that week in our lives, (I balled in the bathroom during the singing), we felt loved and continued to attend.
As life continued on, as it always does even after you think it should stop, we kept attending SEMC. As I listened to the sermons my heart began to heal. I began to see my favourite verse in a different light. Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Well you may notice that it's refering to God's plans...not my plans. My plans were to have a family - 4 or 5 kids hopefully and all less than two years apart... I know specific...but I had my reasons..., however, I have learned that I need to trust God for what His plans are for my life. Seeking Him daily for what His plans are, and when something goes wrong to know that He has it under control. I remember singing the song "All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender all, into your hands." How true it is and yet how hard it is. Hard to give God all, everything. Knowing that He knows best and when our ambitions, hopes and plans come crashing down, that He still has His plans, hopes and ambitions for our lives, even if they aren't what we had originally pictured.
As you can see we learned a lot through Jaimie. We became stronger, relying more on God and ready to share God's love and Good News with others.
Jaimie's legacy included Upward Basketball at SEMC.
That's a whole other amazing thing that came out of Jaimie's life (as brief as it was here on earth although is forever in eternity with Jesus). We started the Upward Basketball program at SEMC. Something that probably wouldn't have happened if Jaimie had been born in January as that was right during the busy time of running that first season. We had about 50 kids registered for our first Upward season, which was such a blessing that we were able to show God's love to those kids and their families. I was even able to share my miscarriage story with our families at Upward -something I thought I would never be able to do. We were also so blessed to have some wonderful volunteers and half-time speakers to share how God has been and is working in their lives with our Upward families as well. Jaimie's life is still having an impact as we are beginning our second season of Upward Basketball at SEMC. If you would like more information, please go to www.sarniaemc.org ! Thanks! :)
At the time we were still searching for a church family. We had been to a few, but for some reason they just didn't feel like the right fit for our family. I was pretty lonely. Before we moved, I had so many different people that I would meet with, but now there really was no one except my parents. Then just after Canada Day, we decided to try the SEMC. It was the same denomination as our previous church - not something we are hung up on, but we hadn't found a good fit amongst the other churches we had attended, so we decided to try it. The people there were so welcoming and dropped whatever they were doing to talk to us and show us around the church. We immediately felt loved and felt like perhaps this is where we should be.
It was the Wednesday after that Sunday that we found ourselves being told by the ultrasound technician that the baby didn't have a heartbeat. Our precious little one had passed away.
What devistating news. This news brought all my hopes and dreams to a crashing halt. I had heard of miscarriages before, but I had never felt the emotional pain that a miscarriage brings. That and being one who dislikes hospitals and in general being in someone else's control and not my own also terrified me as I had to meet with a doctor I didn't know and was told I needed minor surgery. Something I really didn't ever want to experience...and it just felt wrong. Whether that was the right or wrong decision, I don't know. Apparently my body wasn't doing anything about my little baby that passed away and so there needed to be some medical intervention. What a wretched thing. Thankfully they put me to sleep for the whole ordeal, but I must say I was a wreck. Complete wreck. Thankfully Albert was my rock through that. I couldn't have made it without him. I never wanted to talk about it again after it was over. All I wanted was to be pregant again and have a baby. I had trouble sleeping and I constantly wanted to escape my life by being lost in a book so I could disappear into someone else's life.
Our little Jaimie's day was July 11, 2011.
Well clearly God was there through that as well. I know I wasn't relying on Him as I should have been through that time, but He was there nonetheless and took us to exactly where we needed to be. We went back to SEMC that next Sunday, and although no one knew what had transpired that week in our lives, (I balled in the bathroom during the singing), we felt loved and continued to attend.
As life continued on, as it always does even after you think it should stop, we kept attending SEMC. As I listened to the sermons my heart began to heal. I began to see my favourite verse in a different light. Jeremiah 29:11 - "For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord. "Plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future." Well you may notice that it's refering to God's plans...not my plans. My plans were to have a family - 4 or 5 kids hopefully and all less than two years apart... I know specific...but I had my reasons..., however, I have learned that I need to trust God for what His plans are for my life. Seeking Him daily for what His plans are, and when something goes wrong to know that He has it under control. I remember singing the song "All of my ambitions, hopes and plans, I surrender all, into your hands." How true it is and yet how hard it is. Hard to give God all, everything. Knowing that He knows best and when our ambitions, hopes and plans come crashing down, that He still has His plans, hopes and ambitions for our lives, even if they aren't what we had originally pictured.
As you can see we learned a lot through Jaimie. We became stronger, relying more on God and ready to share God's love and Good News with others.
Jaimie's legacy included Upward Basketball at SEMC.
That's a whole other amazing thing that came out of Jaimie's life (as brief as it was here on earth although is forever in eternity with Jesus). We started the Upward Basketball program at SEMC. Something that probably wouldn't have happened if Jaimie had been born in January as that was right during the busy time of running that first season. We had about 50 kids registered for our first Upward season, which was such a blessing that we were able to show God's love to those kids and their families. I was even able to share my miscarriage story with our families at Upward -something I thought I would never be able to do. We were also so blessed to have some wonderful volunteers and half-time speakers to share how God has been and is working in their lives with our Upward families as well. Jaimie's life is still having an impact as we are beginning our second season of Upward Basketball at SEMC. If you would like more information, please go to www.sarniaemc.org ! Thanks! :)
Tuesday, October 2, 2012
A little background...
For those who don't know me all that well, I thought I'd provide a few background details.
I became a Christian when I was a child. I distinctly remember the night that I decided that I wanted to know for sure that I was a Christian and so I prayed asking God to live in me and to forgive me. It's strange how I can remember that memory even now...assurance from God, I guess, that I indeed am one of His children and that He loves me.
I'm going to skip my childhood...cause that would take years to write and just jump ahead to my married life...
Albert and I met at University and were married the summer we graduated. August 18, 2007. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed it very much and then followed it up with a honeymoon at a cottage. I am so blessed to have Albert in my life. He loves me, supports me, cares for me and laughs with me. He loves God and wants to live for God. He pushes me to be a better Christian than I am. He is my backbone and gives me the support I need to follow where God leads. I love him so much. He is always by my side.
Our first year we spent living in a little upstairs appartment. I went to Teacher's college and Albert worked for an engineering company. We began attending BCC in September of 2007. We had planned on visiting a number of churches, but after our first visit there we were invited to the Pastor's house for dinner and from there we were in a small group and were hooked!
Our second year of marriage we moved to a basement appartment because I got my first teaching job and that way we were more inbetween where both our jobs were. Then after my first year of teaching we bought our first house (the beginning of our 3rd year of marriage). I was still teaching and Albert sill worked for the same company. This is the year we got invovled in Upward Basketball. What a great ministry! Combining two of my favourite things - Jesus and basketball! Albert and I discovered we worked well as a team as we co-coached a team of about 8 grade 4 to grade 6s. Those kids will always have a special place in our hearts.
That year, we also welcomed our first child to the world - Micah Albert, 8 pounds, 2 ounces, on July 14, 2010. He was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I don't think anything can ever prepare one for the jump to parenthood...it is the most wonderful thing, but it definitely comes with a rocky beginning. We've definitely had some bumps along the way with him, especially at the beginning...many sleepless nights and tearful days....as most new moms' would atest too, but all for a good reason and gradually we got used to them and hormones and sleep were under control again. I can't say enough about my handsome little man. He astounds me every day, and I thank God that He gave me Micah, who has been such a source of joy to all that meet him. I marvel at him daily and can't believe I am so blessed to have him in my life.
The year Micah was born set off a chain of big changes in our life and possibly set our life on a different course than what might have been...
To make a long story short, Albert ended up being offered a position in his company at a different location. If he took the transfer, this would mean a move for our family. A move away from the comfortable life we had created already created. The move had both pros and cons. Looking back now, it's hard to say whether it was the right thing to do or not. We prayed about it and thought about it a lot...and in the end we did move. Did life get easier? No, definitely harder. Is life supposed to be easy...I really don't think so. So we'll go with that. I'm inclined to think that the move was what God wanted us to do...He's been more real to me in the past couple of years than before...and probably because I've drawn closer to Him as well.
Anyways, we moved.
I became a Christian when I was a child. I distinctly remember the night that I decided that I wanted to know for sure that I was a Christian and so I prayed asking God to live in me and to forgive me. It's strange how I can remember that memory even now...assurance from God, I guess, that I indeed am one of His children and that He loves me.
I'm going to skip my childhood...cause that would take years to write and just jump ahead to my married life...
Albert and I met at University and were married the summer we graduated. August 18, 2007. It was a beautiful day and we enjoyed it very much and then followed it up with a honeymoon at a cottage. I am so blessed to have Albert in my life. He loves me, supports me, cares for me and laughs with me. He loves God and wants to live for God. He pushes me to be a better Christian than I am. He is my backbone and gives me the support I need to follow where God leads. I love him so much. He is always by my side.
Our first year we spent living in a little upstairs appartment. I went to Teacher's college and Albert worked for an engineering company. We began attending BCC in September of 2007. We had planned on visiting a number of churches, but after our first visit there we were invited to the Pastor's house for dinner and from there we were in a small group and were hooked!
Our second year of marriage we moved to a basement appartment because I got my first teaching job and that way we were more inbetween where both our jobs were. Then after my first year of teaching we bought our first house (the beginning of our 3rd year of marriage). I was still teaching and Albert sill worked for the same company. This is the year we got invovled in Upward Basketball. What a great ministry! Combining two of my favourite things - Jesus and basketball! Albert and I discovered we worked well as a team as we co-coached a team of about 8 grade 4 to grade 6s. Those kids will always have a special place in our hearts.
That year, we also welcomed our first child to the world - Micah Albert, 8 pounds, 2 ounces, on July 14, 2010. He was the cutest thing I'd ever seen. I don't think anything can ever prepare one for the jump to parenthood...it is the most wonderful thing, but it definitely comes with a rocky beginning. We've definitely had some bumps along the way with him, especially at the beginning...many sleepless nights and tearful days....as most new moms' would atest too, but all for a good reason and gradually we got used to them and hormones and sleep were under control again. I can't say enough about my handsome little man. He astounds me every day, and I thank God that He gave me Micah, who has been such a source of joy to all that meet him. I marvel at him daily and can't believe I am so blessed to have him in my life.
The year Micah was born set off a chain of big changes in our life and possibly set our life on a different course than what might have been...
To make a long story short, Albert ended up being offered a position in his company at a different location. If he took the transfer, this would mean a move for our family. A move away from the comfortable life we had created already created. The move had both pros and cons. Looking back now, it's hard to say whether it was the right thing to do or not. We prayed about it and thought about it a lot...and in the end we did move. Did life get easier? No, definitely harder. Is life supposed to be easy...I really don't think so. So we'll go with that. I'm inclined to think that the move was what God wanted us to do...He's been more real to me in the past couple of years than before...and probably because I've drawn closer to Him as well.
Anyways, we moved.
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