Waiting

Waiting.
Definitely not my favourite word.

...it makes me afraid that if I wait too long, I will enjoy/like life too much as it is and will find it too difficult to re-adjust once a change has been made...it's been almost three years since I've had an infant in the house...
...it's difficult to wait for a change while trying to continue on as normal, and trying not to obsess over the change
...hard to wait for the unknown
...knowing when to wait and when to move (if we are able to) is also difficult
Waiting also comes with a million questions....and although questions are good...they are extremely overwhelming. My mind seems to be on overdrive sometimes, because I'm waiting and not doing...so I have way too much time to think sometimes...and it drives me up the wall. I have to be really in control of my thoughts, but there are times when they escape my careful hold on them. I just have to keep reigning them in until the unknown becomes known. And certainly that won't be until God's timing is right.

I must say, though, that this process is one that certainly seems unending. I wish that I could have had a list of all the meetings and steps that come before your home is considered "open".
Now we have a resource worker, but now she needs to come out to the house and do another safety inspection and update our profile. We completed both of these 3 weeks ago and now they have to do it again? Seems a little redundant to me. I would have liked to have known about this instead of thinking that we are "open" now. So confusing. But here we are. Now we wait till the beginning of May for another worker to come out and do the safety check again before we are open. So two more weeks of waiting coming our way.

And so we continue to wait and wait and wait it seems...although in the end, all the waiting will be worth it and we won't remember the waiting period. I know I am growing through the waiting period as well. Trying to focus on growing closer to God and learning and listening to what He wants from me. Trying to be ready for whatever may come our way. Making sure that I am ready to put the child's needs in front of my own needs, to do whatever is best for the child. Being open to things I may not be totally comfortable with, but if they are in the best interest of the child, than being open to working through it (for example, openess in an adoption).

In the meantime life goes on. I'm thankful for my Albert and my Micah to care for and my job at the church and any other volunteering and visiting that I do. I guess we'll wait and see what May brings.

I'll leave you with this passage from Isaiah.

But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

~Isaiah 43:1-7~

Joy

So it's been a rough go lately, but I think I'm finally on the upswing again now.
I've decided that I need to concentrate on reading verses on Joy right now. I need to make sure that I have joy from Jesus and not let circumstances and my life dictate that. (It's also one of the words Micah has learned to spell...very random...came from a song...but joy is his favourite word to spell right now!)

We have currently come as far as we can with our adopt/foster to adopt process. Our 18 page home study has been submitted, and now we just wait. Wait to hear from the adoption worker/resource worker that we are assigned to, and then more waiting. Waiting is hard. It's been almost 9 months since our precious girl passed away, and 21 months since our Jaimie passed away. We've been anticipating/waiting for a child to raise since then. That is a long time to wait for someone when you have this burning desire deep within for another child. (although I do realize that some people are never able to have a child, and I know we are blessed with Micah to raise). I sometimes wonder why this desire is there. Why can't I simply be content with one child to raise especially with all the other things that I do. But no matter how many times I try to tell myself that, this desire I've had from childhood bubbles up threatening to overwhelm me. But I trust in God's timing, He has carried us through the last two years, and He will carry us through the next 20 + years with or without another child. I trust in Him, I love Him and I know He has a will and a purpose in all of this. So I will strive to be joyful. Joyful in all I do....although I may not always come across that way, I tend to be serious most of the time....playfulness and silliness have never been my strong suit, but I will be joyful.

Here are a few joyful verses that I've found...and as I read over the next few days, I'll be adding to this list.
No matter what our life's circumstances, if we know Jesus, we can have His joy.

Those who sow with tears will reap with songs of joy. Those who go out weeping, carrying seed to sow will return with songs of joy, carrying sheaves with them.
~Psalm 126:5-6~

When your words came, I ate them; they were my joy and my heart's delight, for I bear your name, Lord God Almighty.
~Jeremiah 15:16~

"However, do not rejoice that the spirits submit to you, but rejoice that your names are written in heaven."
~Luke 10:20~

The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.
~John 10:10~ 

Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice!
~Philippians 4:4~

Rejoice always, pray continually, give thanks in all circumstances; for this is God's will for you in Christ Jesus.
~1 Thessalonians 5:16-18~

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you.
~James 1:2-5~

It gave me great joy when some believers came and testified about your faithfulness to the truth, telling how you continue to walk in it. I have no greater joy than to hear that my children are walking in the truth.
~3 John 1:3-4~

Your statutes are my heritage forever; they are the joy of my heart. My heart is set on keeping your decrees to the very end.
~Psalm 119:111-112~

For I have given rest to the weary and joy to the sorrowing.
~Jeremiah 31:25 NLT~

Joyful are those who obey his laws and search for him with all their hearts.
~Psalm 119:2 NLT~

How joyful are those who fear the Lord - all who follow his ways!
~Psalm 128:1 NLT~

You have turned my mourning into joyful dancing. You have taken away my clothes of mourning and clothed me with joy.
~Psalm 30:11 NLT~

Bring joy to your servant, Lord, for I put my trust in you.
~Psalm 86:4~

When I said, "my foot is slipping," your unfailing love, Lord, supported me. When anxiety was great within me, your consolation brought me joy.
~Psalm 94:18-19~

He will yet fill your mouth with laughter and your lips with shouts of joy.
~Job 8:21~

This day is holy to our Lord. Do not grieve, for the joy of the Lord is your strength.
~Nehemiah 8:10~

As the Father has loved me, so have I loved you. Now remain in my love. If you keep my commands, you will remain in my love, just as I have kept my Father's commands and remain in his love. I have told you this so that my joy may be in you and that your joy may be complete. My command is this: Love each other as I have loved you.
~John 15:9-12~

"when we love the least of these"

A good song....and if you look up the music video on youtube, you'll notice the little boy at the beginning of the song is wearing an UPWARD soccer jersey! How cool!

Kings and Queens
-by Audio Adrenaline

Little hands, shoeless feet, lonely eyes looking back at me
Will we leave behind the innocent to grieve
On their own, on the run when their lives have only begun
These could be our daughters and our sons
And just like a drum I can hear their hearts beating
I know my God won’t let them be defeated
Every child has a dream to belong and be loved

Chorus:
Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in Your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free
Shout your name in victory
When we love when we love the least of these
When we love the least of these

Break our hearts once again
Help us to remember when
We were only children hoping for a friend
Won’t you look around these are the lives that the world has forgotten
Waiting for doors of our hearts and our homes to open

CHORUS

If not us who will be like Jesus
To the least of these
If not us tell me who will be like Jesus
Like Jesus to the least of these


Boys become kings, girls will be queens
Wrapped in your majesty
When we love, when we love the least of these
Then they will be brave and free shout your name in victory
We will love we will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these
We will love the least of these

------

How will we love the least of these?

Rely on God.

Ran into these couple of Bible verses in a blog written by a Godly woman whose three month old son passed away in January. They spoke to me so much. I just wanted to share them with you because I think they are incredibly meaningful. I usually read/write my Bible verses in the New International Version, but she had this verse written in the New Living Translation, and I liked how clear the message was so I'm going to use that version to write the verses out.

The verses come from 2 Corinthians 1:8-10. It is Paul writing and he is talking about what he has endured while he's been in Asia.

...We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die. But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger, and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.

I feel like in some ways I can definitely relate with Paul on this one.

...We were crushed and overwhelmed beyond our ability to endure, and we thought we would never live through it. In fact, we expected to die (wanted to die). But as a result, we stopped relying on ourselves and learned to rely only on God, who raises the dead. And he did rescue us from mortal danger (emotional anguish, fear, complete devastation), and he will rescue us again. We have placed our confidence in him, and he will continue to rescue us.

I encourage you today, to put your own problems into this verse and to stop relying on yourselves and learn to rely on God. No problem is too big for him. Note that Paul says that they were "overwhelmed beyond their ability to endure" - normally we think we can endure all things...that nothing will come at us that we can't endure...but in reality, many things come at us that we can't endure. There is no way we can endure them in our own strength. Life is way to hard for that. We can only have the strength to endure these things when we have God's strength, which only comes when we stop relying on ourselves and rely on God. That means fully, completely, wholeheartedly. Let it go. Give it to God. His strength will prove true and real. I've seen it, I'm living it. I couldn't be living today if it wasn't in His strength. Honestly. Let Him be your true strength today too.

The call to step out

A very compelling passage... (why have I never read this passage before?)
Read your Bible...it's really full of everything we need for life. Read your Bible daily, often, as much as you can...it will change your life. Fall in love with the love letter that God has written to us.

"Is not this the kind of fasting I have chosen:
to loose chains of injustice
and untie the cords of the yoke,
to set the oppressed free
and to break every yoke?
Is it not to share your food with the hungry
and to provide the poor wanderer with shelter -
when you see the naked, to clothe them,
and not to turn away from your own flesh and blood?
Then your light will break forth like the dawn,
and your healing will quickly appear;
then your righteousness will go before you,
and the glory of the Lord will be your rear guard.
Then you will call, and the Lord will answer;
you will cry for help, and he will say: Here am I.

"If you do away with the yoke of oppression,
with pointing finger and malicious talk,
and if you spend yourselves in behalf of the hungry
and satisfy the needs of the oppressed,
then your light will rise in the darkness,
and your night will become like the noonday.
The Lord will guide you always;
he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land
and will strengthen your frame.
You  will be like a well-watered garden,
like a spring whose waters never fail.
Your people will rebuild the ancient ruins
and you will raise up the age-old fountains;
you will be called Repairer of Broken Walls,
Restorer of Streets with Dwellings.

            ~Isaiah 58:6-12~

This is how we show the world the light of Jesus. Not an easy task in our culture where comfort, success and me are the focus. It's hard to change our focus. To lose the life of ease/comfort we've built for ourselves. But we are called to get out of our comfort and reach out, help those we aren't comfortable in helping....such a hard thing to do. As it says in Isaiah though, there are huge benefits to helping/serving. The Lord will guide us. He doesn't abandon us when we step out to help, He goes with us and strengthens us. Are we missing out on His strength because we live within our comfort and are therefore weak?

If your interested, just listened to this today....so good:
http://semcmission.podbean.com/     - Be Great: Ready to Serve

Those we don't yet know

I remain confident of this: I will see the goodness of the Lord in the land of the living.
Wait for the Lord; be strong and take heart and wait for the Lord.
~Psalm 27:13-14~

Good verses for today.

Almost done with our homestudy. Can't believe that is true. I remember when the thought of a homestudy terrified me. Today we had a lovely questionnaire that we were left with to figure out what we can handle or not handle in an adoptive child. So hard to fill out. So hard to say what type of child you wouldn't take....or would take....ahhhh

I'm just trusting that God has the right child/children for us and will give us what we need to be able to handle that/those child/children. It will take a lot of work and a lot of support and a lot of advocating and learning about our adoptive children....but isn't that the case for every child....you do whatever it takes to help your child.

Looking forward to meeting this precious child/these precious children in God's timing.

Please join us in praying for our kids we don't yet know.
Thank you so much.

Another day

Another day. Not sure why today is a mixed emotion day. It just is.

It's been a busy week. Trying to get my head on straight for this coming week.

Looking forward to a skating party, dinner with our church family and hopefully a few other families and a family movie night too. Should be a lot of fun. Needing to get into the right mindset for that. I'm hoping that some of our Upward families will come out!

I think part of the melancholy is that a friend of the family passed away this morning. Hard to know what to do with that. I think death just makes me sad. Not much more to say about that. I think I'm just overly sensitive to death now. It's something I take seriously now, if I didn't before. I can understand and empathize with the families now, because I feel their heartache.

We stopped by our Kalyna's grave this afternoon as well. 8 months old tomorrow...such a beautiful little girl she is I'm sure! :) He grave is super pretty though. Pink grave stone with her beautiful name and a rose and cross beside. Etched in the stone under her name has her birthdate and then it says "Forever loved, forever safe in the arms of Jesus". It's so true and I will forever believe that and look forward to the day when I see her again. Until then, I know she is with the greatest parent ever. :) And probably to her in Heaven it's only a blip until we are there; eventhough it may seem like an eternity for me on earth!

This past week we continued our homestudy on Monday. It was very positive and went really well I think. We meet again on Wednesday this week with our home assessor.
This past week we also had our last two Pride training sessions which finished them up for us.
What a great course to have. It builds so much empathy for the kids in care and for the families that end up there. I'll have to write more about that in another post. It really is a great course.

Anyways, that's all for now.
I hope you all have a good week.
Thanks for reading.
I'll leave you with a verse, that I read this morning and liked:

You will go out in joy and be led forth in peace; the mountains and hills will burst into song before you, and all the trees of the field will clap their hands.
~Isaiah 55:12~