Waiting

Waiting.
Definitely not my favourite word.

...it makes me afraid that if I wait too long, I will enjoy/like life too much as it is and will find it too difficult to re-adjust once a change has been made...it's been almost three years since I've had an infant in the house...
...it's difficult to wait for a change while trying to continue on as normal, and trying not to obsess over the change
...hard to wait for the unknown
...knowing when to wait and when to move (if we are able to) is also difficult
Waiting also comes with a million questions....and although questions are good...they are extremely overwhelming. My mind seems to be on overdrive sometimes, because I'm waiting and not doing...so I have way too much time to think sometimes...and it drives me up the wall. I have to be really in control of my thoughts, but there are times when they escape my careful hold on them. I just have to keep reigning them in until the unknown becomes known. And certainly that won't be until God's timing is right.

I must say, though, that this process is one that certainly seems unending. I wish that I could have had a list of all the meetings and steps that come before your home is considered "open".
Now we have a resource worker, but now she needs to come out to the house and do another safety inspection and update our profile. We completed both of these 3 weeks ago and now they have to do it again? Seems a little redundant to me. I would have liked to have known about this instead of thinking that we are "open" now. So confusing. But here we are. Now we wait till the beginning of May for another worker to come out and do the safety check again before we are open. So two more weeks of waiting coming our way.

And so we continue to wait and wait and wait it seems...although in the end, all the waiting will be worth it and we won't remember the waiting period. I know I am growing through the waiting period as well. Trying to focus on growing closer to God and learning and listening to what He wants from me. Trying to be ready for whatever may come our way. Making sure that I am ready to put the child's needs in front of my own needs, to do whatever is best for the child. Being open to things I may not be totally comfortable with, but if they are in the best interest of the child, than being open to working through it (for example, openess in an adoption).

In the meantime life goes on. I'm thankful for my Albert and my Micah to care for and my job at the church and any other volunteering and visiting that I do. I guess we'll wait and see what May brings.

I'll leave you with this passage from Isaiah.

But now, this is what the Lord says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior; I give Egypt for your ransom, Cush and Seba in your stead. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life. Do not be afraid, for I am with you; I will bring your children from the east and gather you from the west. I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ and to the south, ‘Do not hold them back.’ Bring my sons from afar and my daughters from the ends of the earth— everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made.”

~Isaiah 43:1-7~