Sometimes it's hard to be positive all the time. Sometimes we have down weeks. It happens. Whether it's an uncomfortable situation, the feeling of loneliness, a desire for something to be different....just the wishing, wanting, we grow weary of being strong in our own strength. Following God's dreams are not easy. His dreams are counter culture, counter easy life, counter what we would call normal. His dreams are involved, are out of comfort zones, are about really caring about people, about investing in others and not in yourself... It's hard. It's not easy and it requires a lot of strengh and time and really dying to one's own desires and living for God's desires. Our desires fight hard though. They pull us and they say do what you want to do....it's so easy to slip into their call. Feel sorry for yourself...you know you want to....why do you have to travel the hard road and not the easier one on the other side of the fence...it's greener there you know....
It's such a battle we face between sinful desires and God's desires for our life. You think you have it all figured out and then something else hits you and you realize, oh man, how do I deal with this now too....it's hard.
Sometimes we feel all alone in our struggles...but it isn't so.
The Lord appeared in the past saying "I have loved you with an everlasting love; I have drawn you with unfailing kindness. I will build you up again, and you, Virgin Israel, will be rebuilt. Again you will take up your timbrels and go out to dance with the joyful.
~Jeremiah 31:3-4~
Now there's a promise. This was God speaking to the nation of Israel, but can it not be true for us as well? When we start to focus on ourselves we lose sight of God's will for us. Focusing back on God, asking His forgiveness and help to get us back on track....and He says that one day we will again "go out to dance with the joyful". What a promise.
I could probably pick apart that verse more, as it has so many great things that could be pointed out...today I think though, I just needed the reminder that "God loves us with an everlasting love" and that HE continues to build us up and we will dance again... :) ...our strength and endurance comes from Him and Him alone. When we go it alone, we get weary...when we go with God our strength is renewed...our energy comes back and we remember why we are doing what we are doing. Loving people, loving them to show God's love to them. That's why we do what we do. That is our purpose....to Love, and especially those that don't yet know that God loves them. I read a sign the other day that said "Your life might be the only Bible some people read". How true and how humbling.
I don't know if that makes sense to you today....but always a blessing to open my Bible and have a verse jump out at exactly the right moment. Thank you for that blessing today Jesus.
Thanks for reading.
Friday, February 22, 2013
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Trusting and waiting
You know that feeling when you've anticipated something for a long time and you finally feel like you are getting close....yet at the same time it still feels soooo far away?
I think that's how I'm feeling right now....our first visit with our home assessor went really great! And she said she hoped to be done the home study by the end of March....which is wow...coming up! And by then our PRIDE training will be done...and hopefully we'll be approved! Then it will just be waiting to see what God wants us to do next....
In the meantime, we pray every night for our future sons and daughters....that God would be protecting them, and keeping them safe from harm. That God would protect their hearts; that they would be open to our love when we meet them. He's watching over them and He knows who He has for us, and we just have to continue to be patient and wait in His time.
(but ooo sometimes it's so hard to wait, so hard not to know....there's so many unknowns....guess that's where trust comes in....)
I think that's how I'm feeling right now....our first visit with our home assessor went really great! And she said she hoped to be done the home study by the end of March....which is wow...coming up! And by then our PRIDE training will be done...and hopefully we'll be approved! Then it will just be waiting to see what God wants us to do next....
In the meantime, we pray every night for our future sons and daughters....that God would be protecting them, and keeping them safe from harm. That God would protect their hearts; that they would be open to our love when we meet them. He's watching over them and He knows who He has for us, and we just have to continue to be patient and wait in His time.
(but ooo sometimes it's so hard to wait, so hard not to know....there's so many unknowns....guess that's where trust comes in....)
Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.
~Proverbs 3:5-6~Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Another piece of the puzzle
Today is the day we start our Home study!
For those of you who don't know what a home study is, I'll explain it a little from what I understand it to be. (not having been through it before myself, I can only really share what's been explained to me).
We are assigned a Home Assessor who will come out to our house (somewhere between 3-5 times I think). She comes and she will have conversations with us. Deep conversations about everything in our lives, past and present and probably future too! From what I hear it's very indepth. By the time they are done, when they do the write up, we'll have a complete summary of our entire lives! Crazy eh? Overall, I believe they just want to make sure that when they place a child in our home, that that child will succeed and hopefully thrive and excel.
So tonight is met with some apprehension and excitement.
Apprehension in being completely honest about our personal lives to a complete stranger....
Excitement that this is one more positive step (huge step actually) in our journey to adopt :)
Thank you for your prayers and support :)
I leave you with a verse from Philippians from Paul...such a great prayer for discernment in a time filled with unknowns.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
~Philippians 1:9-11~
For those of you who don't know what a home study is, I'll explain it a little from what I understand it to be. (not having been through it before myself, I can only really share what's been explained to me).
We are assigned a Home Assessor who will come out to our house (somewhere between 3-5 times I think). She comes and she will have conversations with us. Deep conversations about everything in our lives, past and present and probably future too! From what I hear it's very indepth. By the time they are done, when they do the write up, we'll have a complete summary of our entire lives! Crazy eh? Overall, I believe they just want to make sure that when they place a child in our home, that that child will succeed and hopefully thrive and excel.
So tonight is met with some apprehension and excitement.
Apprehension in being completely honest about our personal lives to a complete stranger....
Excitement that this is one more positive step (huge step actually) in our journey to adopt :)
Thank you for your prayers and support :)
I leave you with a verse from Philippians from Paul...such a great prayer for discernment in a time filled with unknowns.
And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God.
~Philippians 1:9-11~
Monday, February 11, 2013
A humbling thought...
So our PRIDE training has been going well. It's so helpful, all the things that we are learning that we might understand and hopefully be as intentional as possible in our care and help for our future children.
Our last Pride class was on loss. Having been through the grieving process recently (Kalyna would be 7 months old today), it was so heart-breaking to learn that whenever a child is uprooted, they go through the grieving process.
Can you imagine, one day coming home from school (maybe you were going to take your dog for a walk, visit your neighbour friend, play your wii...) but then suddenly someone says, sorry you have to leave. Eveything you knew to be familiar is now gone. I'm going to put you with another family and into a different life....and we don't know for how long.
Obviously the child is removed for their own safety, but that doesn't mean the child isn't going to grieve the loss of their parents, their pets, their life as they knew it. Imagine if someone took you out of your home and put you into a completely different life and you didn't know if you'd ever see your family again! It's crazy. So many children have been through so much more than we have as adults.
Every time a child is uprooted they go through the grieving process.....such a humbling thought.
...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ~2 Corinthians 1:4~
Our last Pride class was on loss. Having been through the grieving process recently (Kalyna would be 7 months old today), it was so heart-breaking to learn that whenever a child is uprooted, they go through the grieving process.
Can you imagine, one day coming home from school (maybe you were going to take your dog for a walk, visit your neighbour friend, play your wii...) but then suddenly someone says, sorry you have to leave. Eveything you knew to be familiar is now gone. I'm going to put you with another family and into a different life....and we don't know for how long.
Obviously the child is removed for their own safety, but that doesn't mean the child isn't going to grieve the loss of their parents, their pets, their life as they knew it. Imagine if someone took you out of your home and put you into a completely different life and you didn't know if you'd ever see your family again! It's crazy. So many children have been through so much more than we have as adults.
Every time a child is uprooted they go through the grieving process.....such a humbling thought.
...who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. ~2 Corinthians 1:4~
... For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones.
~Isaiah 49:13~
~Isaiah 49:13~
Then young women will dance and be glad, young men and old as well. I will turn their mourning into gladness; I will give them comfort and joy instead of sorrow.
~Jeremiah 31:13~
Thursday, February 7, 2013
Passion & Dreams
“Passion is the degree of difficulty we’re willing to go (through) to achieve the goal.”
I have been reading from a devotion by Matt Redman and I came upon this definition of passion and I rather liked it. Here is a little more from that devotion to just further this thought.
"I love that. It tells us that passion is way more than an emotion or a feeling, though it may involve these things. It is far more than bubble, sparkle, or excitement. Passion is a gritty kind of love, a tough and optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it through to the end. Of course, the best ever example of this is the passion of Jesus Christ at the cross. Devoted to His Father’s will and spurred on by love for the world, Jesus took the agony of Calvary upon Himself. Hebrews 12:2 puts it so powerfully:
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame…”
This is true passion. Let our lives and songs be marked by more than just a temporary effervescence or excitement. Let us burn with a holy, enduring passion that day after day brings glory to the One who set us free." -Matt Redman
Lately it seems that I am being strengthened for a journey. I have an idea of what I'd like the future to hold, I have a dream of what I'd like the future to hold, but really I have no idea what is coming down the road. The road is pretty unknown for us. It's really quite frightening to be walking into something unknown, but it's exciting too...it's the path less travelled, but I believe it is the road that we are called to.
My dream started out as a young child to simply be a mother...(and a teacher). I have always dreamed of having a large family.....however, I believe God has been refining that dream and changing it into a dream that is much much bigger than I could ever have imagined. My dream now is to provide stability, love, permanence, grace, opportunities, possibilities, knowledge of Jesus to children who wouldn't otherwise have these opportunities. To bring them into our family and love them, teach them, nurture them, advocate for them and provide for all their needs.
I always think it's wonderful when something is on my mind and I read about it, hear about it in many different ways. Our pastor at church lately has been doing a sermon on Detours. It's been really great. If you are intereted, they are definitely worth listening too. I am inspired and cautioned by them as I'm sure you would be too....you can find them at:
http://semcmission.podbean.com/
The first one in the series is: "I have a dream"
The second is: "Detour: Reading the Signs"
The third is: "Detour: The Road Block of Un-Forgiveness"
Very great messages relating to dreams and passions and the ability to follow the ups and downs to achieve the dreams God has given us. And something else that I've come upon as well...is many Bible verses pointing to the journey that we are on and that we can't possibly make it to the destination that God has for us on our own....that without Him it's impossible. If we trust and lean on and rely on God, He will give us the strength and whatever else we need to make it to wherever He is leading us. And not only get us there, but to show us what to do when we get there....and perhaps everything we are learning along the way is to prepare us for what is up ahead...
"When God gives us a dream, He goes with us" - from the sermon "Detour: Reading the Signs"
And I will leave you with these verses that kind of sum everything up for me....love that I've come upon these verses recently.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. ~Proverbs 16:3~
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. ~Proverbs 16:9~
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. ~Psalm 48:14~
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
I have been reading from a devotion by Matt Redman and I came upon this definition of passion and I rather liked it. Here is a little more from that devotion to just further this thought.
"I love that. It tells us that passion is way more than an emotion or a feeling, though it may involve these things. It is far more than bubble, sparkle, or excitement. Passion is a gritty kind of love, a tough and optimistic enthusiasm that overcomes negativity and inconvenience to make it through to the end. Of course, the best ever example of this is the passion of Jesus Christ at the cross. Devoted to His Father’s will and spurred on by love for the world, Jesus took the agony of Calvary upon Himself. Hebrews 12:2 puts it so powerfully:
“Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, Who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, scorning it’s shame…”
This is true passion. Let our lives and songs be marked by more than just a temporary effervescence or excitement. Let us burn with a holy, enduring passion that day after day brings glory to the One who set us free." -Matt Redman
Lately it seems that I am being strengthened for a journey. I have an idea of what I'd like the future to hold, I have a dream of what I'd like the future to hold, but really I have no idea what is coming down the road. The road is pretty unknown for us. It's really quite frightening to be walking into something unknown, but it's exciting too...it's the path less travelled, but I believe it is the road that we are called to.
My dream started out as a young child to simply be a mother...(and a teacher). I have always dreamed of having a large family.....however, I believe God has been refining that dream and changing it into a dream that is much much bigger than I could ever have imagined. My dream now is to provide stability, love, permanence, grace, opportunities, possibilities, knowledge of Jesus to children who wouldn't otherwise have these opportunities. To bring them into our family and love them, teach them, nurture them, advocate for them and provide for all their needs.
I always think it's wonderful when something is on my mind and I read about it, hear about it in many different ways. Our pastor at church lately has been doing a sermon on Detours. It's been really great. If you are intereted, they are definitely worth listening too. I am inspired and cautioned by them as I'm sure you would be too....you can find them at:
http://semcmission.podbean.com/
The first one in the series is: "I have a dream"
The second is: "Detour: Reading the Signs"
The third is: "Detour: The Road Block of Un-Forgiveness"
Very great messages relating to dreams and passions and the ability to follow the ups and downs to achieve the dreams God has given us. And something else that I've come upon as well...is many Bible verses pointing to the journey that we are on and that we can't possibly make it to the destination that God has for us on our own....that without Him it's impossible. If we trust and lean on and rely on God, He will give us the strength and whatever else we need to make it to wherever He is leading us. And not only get us there, but to show us what to do when we get there....and perhaps everything we are learning along the way is to prepare us for what is up ahead...
"When God gives us a dream, He goes with us" - from the sermon "Detour: Reading the Signs"
And I will leave you with these verses that kind of sum everything up for me....love that I've come upon these verses recently.
Commit to the Lord whatever you do, and he will establish your plans. ~Proverbs 16:3~
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps. ~Proverbs 16:9~
For this God is our God for ever and ever; he will be our guide even to the end. ~Psalm 48:14~
The Lord will guide you always; he will satisfy your needs in a sun-scorched land and will strengthen your frame. You will be like a well-watered garden, like a spring whose waters never fail.
~Isaiah 58:11~
Does he not see my ways and count my every step? ~Job 31:4~
The Lord makes firm the steps of the one who delights in him;... ~Psalm 37:23~
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~2 Corinthians 12:9-10~
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
~2 Corinthians 12:9-10~
Friday, February 1, 2013
"To love well is to grieve well"
Just a few things I have learned about grieving that I'd like to share with you all.
We recently went to a 2 session seminar on grieving. We didn't really want to go, to bring up all the pain and hurt again just didn't seem like something we wanted to do.
I think that I began the sessions with the wrong perspective - I started off with the focus on me...what can I get out of this that will help me....
However, after a little bit, I realized that this session wasn't about me. It's not about my pain and my hurt, it's more about what I can I do with what I've been through, and now what I've been taught about grieving, to reach out and help others.
The verses in 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 explain exactly what I think this grieving seminar was trying to help me with.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
We are comforted by God to help encourage and comfort those around us. Life is hard. Difficult times are around every corner. What we go through and how we are helped through it - God gives us comfort and gives us others to walk alongside us to help provide that comfort, so that in turn, we can be that source of comfort for someone else. It is not easy to walk alongside someone who is suffering/grieving - it takes a lot of time and emotional energy to be alongside someone who is grieving.
All that being said, I thought I'd write a little about what I've learned about grieving. It's not something that I had studied a lot on prior to going through it myself, and had I done that, it may have been a little easier, I don't know - I had heard about stages etc. - though the counselor we had, had a slightly different way of looking at it (called them seasons), and when I looked back I could totally see myself working my way through all the seasons he described. (It was nice to know that I wasn't depressed, just working my way through the grieving process.) I thought it might be helpful for you to know them as well....so that you might be able to understand/help someone else going through these seasons as well.
Our counselor described the seasons as numbness, yearning, confrontation, adjustment and re-organization. Oddly enough, I can see myself going through each of these seasons. He also said that you don't always move from one to the next, sometimes you go backwards, sometimes forwards, but eventually you want to make your way to re-organization. It also has no defined time line and is different for each individual.
A few things to mention about grief - grief is normal, emotional, intimately connected to the relationship, affects every part of our lives (intellectual, physical, emotional, social and spiritual), is un-welcome, uniquely personal, takes more time than people would think, can be over secondary losses too and is more effective when not done alone.
When someone is going through grief, it is suggested that you:
-are patient with yourself
-give yourself permission to grieve
-learn about grief
-move through the pain - deal with the pain instead of pushing it away for later
-be aware of your limitations - it's very easy to feel spacy, forgetful
-ask for and accept help
-be good to yourself, take care of yourself
-remember your loved one
-you are allowed to ask why
-share with those who've been there
-accept that life is different now
-take responsibility for your own happiness
-acknowledge small victories
-Hold onto hope
-It is helpful sometimes to journal (I have found that to be especially true. If I write down my thoughts and my feelings then they don't dissapear, they are still there...I can also look back and see my journey...see where I felt all those different seasons and how I've come out of them.)
The thing is, we can move through the seasons of grief, but we never get over our loss. We simply learn to live our life with that loss - hence the re-organization season.
If you are looking to help someone through grief, here are a few suggestions:
Be there
Listen
Make specific offers to help
Give them permission to grieve
Accept them unconditionally as being wounded people - if they lash out angrily or say something they wouldn't normally say, understand that they are still hurting and trying to re-figure out their life after this loss.
Encourage them to talk about feelings, memories, etc.
Grief takes time, be ready to continue support throughout the process
A couple additional ones:
Listen, but don't judge
Offer support, don't wait to be asked, but do respect their answer
Don't give advice...unless they in danger of harming themselves
Don't pretend nothing happened - this is something that I found happened a lot...mostly people just didn't know what to say, but it's ok to say something...(In my opinion). Just a little something letting someone know that you are thinking, praying for them, a hug etc. It may cause a flood of tears, but really tears are ok. As much as I am an incredibly private person when it comes to tears....tears are ok...it's ok to cry when you love someone. Tears can be healing. (although I find tears incredibly difficult to share with others)
A couple of things, I'd like to add from my own personal experience. (They may relate more to the passing of an infant).
In times of grief, draw close to God. Read His word, pray, cry out to Him. Feel His arms around you. He is there, crying with you, but also holding your loved one. Be concious of what God may want you to do to continue the legacy of your loved one. He had a plan and a purpose for your loved one's life and He has a plan and a purpose for your life and I believe the two can be intertwined. Is there something your loved one loved, that you can continue that legacy as well? Share and talk with close friends who are willing to walk alongside of you. You do need someone to talk to.
In all this, I really think that how you come out of grief is a choice. You have to choose God, you have to choose to continue on, to be present in your life, despite your loss, despite your broken heart. Eventhough it hurts and every day is hard, you have to choose life. Choose to live for God and trusting that your loved one is safe and sound with our Heavenly Father - waiting for you to join the Heavenly praise party.
Grief is hard, life is hard...nothing is ever the same after grief has entered. You have to choose how you are going to keep living after grief has happened. It's not easy. And it never really goes away. You get grief attacks, days that are sad, periods of time that might make you sad, holidays are no longer carefree; but it is possible to keep living with the memory of your loved one.
I'll leave you with this quote that was given to us:
"The Gift of Grief
Death takes away. That's all there is to it. But grief gives back. By experiencing it, we are not simply eroded by pain. Rather, we become larger human beings, more compassionate, more aware, more able to help others, more able to help ourselves. Grief is powerful. It plunges us into the depths of sorrow and forces us to face the finiteness of life, the mightiness of death, and the meaning of our existence here on earth. It does more than enable us to change: it demands it. The way we change is up to us. It is possible to be forever bowed by grief. It is possible to be so afraid of one aspect of it that we become frozen in place, stuck in sorrow, riveted in resentment or remorse, unable to move on.
But it is also possible to be enlarged, to find new direction, and to allow the memory of the beloved person we have lost to live on within us, not as a monument to misery but as a source of strength, love and inspiration. By acting on our grief, we can eventually find within ourselves a place of peace and purposefulness" (MY INSERT - With God we can find this - He gives us His peace and His purpose). "It is my belief that all grievers, no matter how intense their pain, no matter how rough the terrain across which they must travel can eventually find that place within their hearts."
We recently went to a 2 session seminar on grieving. We didn't really want to go, to bring up all the pain and hurt again just didn't seem like something we wanted to do.
I think that I began the sessions with the wrong perspective - I started off with the focus on me...what can I get out of this that will help me....
However, after a little bit, I realized that this session wasn't about me. It's not about my pain and my hurt, it's more about what I can I do with what I've been through, and now what I've been taught about grieving, to reach out and help others.
The verses in 2 Corinthians 1:3-5 explain exactly what I think this grieving seminar was trying to help me with.
Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.
We are comforted by God to help encourage and comfort those around us. Life is hard. Difficult times are around every corner. What we go through and how we are helped through it - God gives us comfort and gives us others to walk alongside us to help provide that comfort, so that in turn, we can be that source of comfort for someone else. It is not easy to walk alongside someone who is suffering/grieving - it takes a lot of time and emotional energy to be alongside someone who is grieving.
All that being said, I thought I'd write a little about what I've learned about grieving. It's not something that I had studied a lot on prior to going through it myself, and had I done that, it may have been a little easier, I don't know - I had heard about stages etc. - though the counselor we had, had a slightly different way of looking at it (called them seasons), and when I looked back I could totally see myself working my way through all the seasons he described. (It was nice to know that I wasn't depressed, just working my way through the grieving process.) I thought it might be helpful for you to know them as well....so that you might be able to understand/help someone else going through these seasons as well.
Our counselor described the seasons as numbness, yearning, confrontation, adjustment and re-organization. Oddly enough, I can see myself going through each of these seasons. He also said that you don't always move from one to the next, sometimes you go backwards, sometimes forwards, but eventually you want to make your way to re-organization. It also has no defined time line and is different for each individual.
A few things to mention about grief - grief is normal, emotional, intimately connected to the relationship, affects every part of our lives (intellectual, physical, emotional, social and spiritual), is un-welcome, uniquely personal, takes more time than people would think, can be over secondary losses too and is more effective when not done alone.
When someone is going through grief, it is suggested that you:
-are patient with yourself
-give yourself permission to grieve
-learn about grief
-move through the pain - deal with the pain instead of pushing it away for later
-be aware of your limitations - it's very easy to feel spacy, forgetful
-ask for and accept help
-be good to yourself, take care of yourself
-remember your loved one
-you are allowed to ask why
-share with those who've been there
-accept that life is different now
-take responsibility for your own happiness
-acknowledge small victories
-Hold onto hope
-It is helpful sometimes to journal (I have found that to be especially true. If I write down my thoughts and my feelings then they don't dissapear, they are still there...I can also look back and see my journey...see where I felt all those different seasons and how I've come out of them.)
The thing is, we can move through the seasons of grief, but we never get over our loss. We simply learn to live our life with that loss - hence the re-organization season.
If you are looking to help someone through grief, here are a few suggestions:
Be there
Listen
Make specific offers to help
Give them permission to grieve
Accept them unconditionally as being wounded people - if they lash out angrily or say something they wouldn't normally say, understand that they are still hurting and trying to re-figure out their life after this loss.
Encourage them to talk about feelings, memories, etc.
Grief takes time, be ready to continue support throughout the process
A couple additional ones:
Listen, but don't judge
Offer support, don't wait to be asked, but do respect their answer
Don't give advice...unless they in danger of harming themselves
Don't pretend nothing happened - this is something that I found happened a lot...mostly people just didn't know what to say, but it's ok to say something...(In my opinion). Just a little something letting someone know that you are thinking, praying for them, a hug etc. It may cause a flood of tears, but really tears are ok. As much as I am an incredibly private person when it comes to tears....tears are ok...it's ok to cry when you love someone. Tears can be healing. (although I find tears incredibly difficult to share with others)
A couple of things, I'd like to add from my own personal experience. (They may relate more to the passing of an infant).
In times of grief, draw close to God. Read His word, pray, cry out to Him. Feel His arms around you. He is there, crying with you, but also holding your loved one. Be concious of what God may want you to do to continue the legacy of your loved one. He had a plan and a purpose for your loved one's life and He has a plan and a purpose for your life and I believe the two can be intertwined. Is there something your loved one loved, that you can continue that legacy as well? Share and talk with close friends who are willing to walk alongside of you. You do need someone to talk to.
In all this, I really think that how you come out of grief is a choice. You have to choose God, you have to choose to continue on, to be present in your life, despite your loss, despite your broken heart. Eventhough it hurts and every day is hard, you have to choose life. Choose to live for God and trusting that your loved one is safe and sound with our Heavenly Father - waiting for you to join the Heavenly praise party.
Grief is hard, life is hard...nothing is ever the same after grief has entered. You have to choose how you are going to keep living after grief has happened. It's not easy. And it never really goes away. You get grief attacks, days that are sad, periods of time that might make you sad, holidays are no longer carefree; but it is possible to keep living with the memory of your loved one.
I'll leave you with this quote that was given to us:
"The Gift of Grief
Death takes away. That's all there is to it. But grief gives back. By experiencing it, we are not simply eroded by pain. Rather, we become larger human beings, more compassionate, more aware, more able to help others, more able to help ourselves. Grief is powerful. It plunges us into the depths of sorrow and forces us to face the finiteness of life, the mightiness of death, and the meaning of our existence here on earth. It does more than enable us to change: it demands it. The way we change is up to us. It is possible to be forever bowed by grief. It is possible to be so afraid of one aspect of it that we become frozen in place, stuck in sorrow, riveted in resentment or remorse, unable to move on.
But it is also possible to be enlarged, to find new direction, and to allow the memory of the beloved person we have lost to live on within us, not as a monument to misery but as a source of strength, love and inspiration. By acting on our grief, we can eventually find within ourselves a place of peace and purposefulness" (MY INSERT - With God we can find this - He gives us His peace and His purpose). "It is my belief that all grievers, no matter how intense their pain, no matter how rough the terrain across which they must travel can eventually find that place within their hearts."
Friday, January 18, 2013
Adoption 101
Sometimes in the midst of life's craziness, something grabs ahold of your attention. Something that you can't just push away, because it comes back over and over again. Everywhere you look, think, or feel - this theme is reoccuring.
That's what it was like for us and the decision to adopt.
When I was a child I drew a picture of what my family would look like. Naturally, there were multiple kids, however, one child in that picture was an adopted child from China. Back then my scope was rather narrow as to where adopted children could come from, but nevertheless, it has been on my mind then.
I can't speak too much for my husband, but I know he's always been sensitive to adoption as well. His sister always pretend-played about orphans, so it was on her mind and therefore his mind at a young age as well.
Somehow, in His infinite wisdom, God saw fit to put us together to where we are today. I am so blessed to have a husband who has the same mind as I. God brought us together with all our differences, but in this he has intertwined our hearts together towards this passion.
Fast forward to now. When we miscarried with Jaimie and then were pregnant with Kalyna, Albert and I had decided that we would have our two children and then look into adoption to grow our family. I'm not a huge fan of being pregnant, but I love kids and have always wanted to have a family of at least 4. And Albert was a big advocat that there are so many children out there who need good homes. So we were open to the idea. Then all of a sudden everywhere we looked, adoption was the topic. There was a guest speaker at church one weekend and he shared about orphans all over the world - I was definitely ready after that to go to Russia and adopt all the little girls. I would turn on the radio - and the topic was adoption - a family who grew to some crazy number because she first had her 4 or 5 boys and then they started to foster, and ended up adopting many of the kids they fostered. A friend had just finished the adoption process. Our church all of a sudden had an orphan care ministry. And those signs just kept coming.
When Kalyna passed away, I really felt like she was strongly saying, "I am safe. I am loved. I am happy, healthy, no pain, sorrow or sickness will ever touch me. Now go help those who have to go through those things on earth. Walk with them and ease their pain." I know that sounds weird, but I guess I needed her approval to have more children? They will never take her place, but they will become a part of our forever family.
So I made our first call regarding this whole adoption process in August of 2012.
Since then, we had our Orientation meeting at the end of October 2012.
Our initial home visit at the end of November 2012.
We filled out all our initial paperwork and such and were enrolled in the PRIDE training - adoption/fostering course.
PRIDE stands for: Pre-service Training For Prospective Resource Families
(a foster family is also known as a resource family)
We began our PRIDE couse this past Wednesday, so our Pride training goes for 9 sessions - and will take us to the beginning of March 2013.
After our training, we will complete our homestudy - all of our Pride training homework and evaluations will go into our homestudy as well as a couple more home visits and lots of answering questions and such. Then hopefully we will be approved as foster/adoptive parents. Looking forward to that day.
PRIDE will surely be an invaluable course. I think it will even help us in our daily parenting with Micah. I'm really looking forward to gaining so much knowledge in these next 2 months. It's intense and intimidating, but you can tell for sure, that their main purpose is to make sure that everyone is there for the right reasons - want to help kids - and then giving families the tools they need to ensure that placement of children is a sucessful and positive experience for all involved.
At the end of these 9 sessions we are expected to be able to demonstrate a knowledge of and the ability to be able to do these six competencies:
1. Protecting and nurturing children and youth
2. Meeting developmental needs and addressing developmental delays
3. Supporting relationships between children, youth and their families
4. Connecting children and youth to safe, nurturing relationships intended to last a lifetime
5. Participating as a member of the child or youth's professional team
6. Positively reinforcing a child or youth's heritage and cultural identity
It's a lot, but it will be totally worth it, and hopefully will give us the tools to be good parents to the children who are intrusted into our family. We so look forward to meeting those beautiful children.
Well, that's our journey to adoption so far in a nutshell. We are looking forward to see what God has instore for us this year. A verse I read this morning is what I will leave you with:
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
~Proverbs 16:9~
That's what it was like for us and the decision to adopt.
When I was a child I drew a picture of what my family would look like. Naturally, there were multiple kids, however, one child in that picture was an adopted child from China. Back then my scope was rather narrow as to where adopted children could come from, but nevertheless, it has been on my mind then.
I can't speak too much for my husband, but I know he's always been sensitive to adoption as well. His sister always pretend-played about orphans, so it was on her mind and therefore his mind at a young age as well.
Somehow, in His infinite wisdom, God saw fit to put us together to where we are today. I am so blessed to have a husband who has the same mind as I. God brought us together with all our differences, but in this he has intertwined our hearts together towards this passion.
Fast forward to now. When we miscarried with Jaimie and then were pregnant with Kalyna, Albert and I had decided that we would have our two children and then look into adoption to grow our family. I'm not a huge fan of being pregnant, but I love kids and have always wanted to have a family of at least 4. And Albert was a big advocat that there are so many children out there who need good homes. So we were open to the idea. Then all of a sudden everywhere we looked, adoption was the topic. There was a guest speaker at church one weekend and he shared about orphans all over the world - I was definitely ready after that to go to Russia and adopt all the little girls. I would turn on the radio - and the topic was adoption - a family who grew to some crazy number because she first had her 4 or 5 boys and then they started to foster, and ended up adopting many of the kids they fostered. A friend had just finished the adoption process. Our church all of a sudden had an orphan care ministry. And those signs just kept coming.
When Kalyna passed away, I really felt like she was strongly saying, "I am safe. I am loved. I am happy, healthy, no pain, sorrow or sickness will ever touch me. Now go help those who have to go through those things on earth. Walk with them and ease their pain." I know that sounds weird, but I guess I needed her approval to have more children? They will never take her place, but they will become a part of our forever family.
So I made our first call regarding this whole adoption process in August of 2012.
Since then, we had our Orientation meeting at the end of October 2012.
Our initial home visit at the end of November 2012.
We filled out all our initial paperwork and such and were enrolled in the PRIDE training - adoption/fostering course.
PRIDE stands for: Pre-service Training For Prospective Resource Families
(a foster family is also known as a resource family)
We began our PRIDE couse this past Wednesday, so our Pride training goes for 9 sessions - and will take us to the beginning of March 2013.
After our training, we will complete our homestudy - all of our Pride training homework and evaluations will go into our homestudy as well as a couple more home visits and lots of answering questions and such. Then hopefully we will be approved as foster/adoptive parents. Looking forward to that day.
PRIDE will surely be an invaluable course. I think it will even help us in our daily parenting with Micah. I'm really looking forward to gaining so much knowledge in these next 2 months. It's intense and intimidating, but you can tell for sure, that their main purpose is to make sure that everyone is there for the right reasons - want to help kids - and then giving families the tools they need to ensure that placement of children is a sucessful and positive experience for all involved.
At the end of these 9 sessions we are expected to be able to demonstrate a knowledge of and the ability to be able to do these six competencies:
1. Protecting and nurturing children and youth
2. Meeting developmental needs and addressing developmental delays
3. Supporting relationships between children, youth and their families
4. Connecting children and youth to safe, nurturing relationships intended to last a lifetime
5. Participating as a member of the child or youth's professional team
6. Positively reinforcing a child or youth's heritage and cultural identity
It's a lot, but it will be totally worth it, and hopefully will give us the tools to be good parents to the children who are intrusted into our family. We so look forward to meeting those beautiful children.
Well, that's our journey to adoption so far in a nutshell. We are looking forward to see what God has instore for us this year. A verse I read this morning is what I will leave you with:
In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.
~Proverbs 16:9~
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)