Photographs

Photographs.

Those simple little things I used to take for granted. Sure I used to take pictures, but not an excessive amount and never really thought it was a big deal if I forgot my camera for an event. Often I'd let others take the pictures and just get a few after. I liked to just go and experience the event.
While experiencing the event is one thing, to me now it's capturing the people in the event that matters to me more now.

I guess what changed that was after our beautiful Kalyna passed away. I didn't think about it at the time. At the time I was simply in shock and definitely wasn't processing or thinking clearly at all. But oh how I wish I had thought enough to call a professional photographer to take some pictures of Kalyna. You know the tasteful kind. Pictures of her little hands, her little feet, a nice pose of her looking like she is sleeping....oh I'd love to have just one nice frame with a few pictures like this. We have a few of our precious girl, but they aren't ones I can hang around the house.
I guess I've been thinking about this lately, as I heard about another couple who recently lost their baby. When thinking about it, my advice to someone who knows them, is suggest a photographer...those pictures will become so cherished when their little one is gone. I have an album with all the memories I have of my daughter, and also a few items around the house that remind me of my daughter (a picture of a rose, a map of the star that was named after my daughter, Christmas tree ornament, a little tree, a flower, a candle, my necklace and locket) - I cherish every one of these mementos as they remind me of my precious Kalyna. They help me know that I will never forget her. (despite not being able to display pictures of her).

Now, though, I feel like I am on a mission to capture every perfect moment of our family. Every outing, event, I want to have my camera with me. I want to take pictures....many pictures to remember every little detail later. Who knows how long I will get to spend here on earth those I love...I want to be able to continue to see them even after they are gone. I want to remember the good times. To make as many memories as possible. We have very few memories of our precious Kalyna. One of the things that grief counselors say is remember all the memories you have....well what if you only have a few hours of memories? I am determined to have many memories we my loved ones as I can, so pictures I will take. Especially now that little A is here, I try to take as many as possible...even if it's just following the kids around as they walk around the house! I think I was disappointed this Halloween as I had a hard time getting good pictures as both kids weren't really into the dress up thing this year  (likely due to the unknown of the activity, their colds, my impatience) -anyways, live and learn, hopefully next year it'll go a little better. But we were able to get some good ones from the pumpkin patch and from the farm at thanksgiving - which I'm so thrilled about. The next challenge will be to get a really good Christmas card picture!
Anyways, I know that in the big picture of life, photographs aren't the most important thing, but to me right now, they mark memories of the people I love. Capturing smiles just makes me smile too. I'm thankful for the ability to take pictures and remember memories of those we love - even if it's memories from a couple of hours. I'm not sure if any of this makes sense to you, but just a little something that I've found is meaningful to me.

I guess meaningful mementos aren't a new thing. As I was searching the Bible curious about memories, I realized that the people in the Bible were constantly making mementos and memories to remember the things that God had shown/done for them. Building altars, creating holidays etc. It's not a new thing. It makes me realize that when I'm making memories that I need to realize the importance behind the memories. That when I think of Kalyna, I can't help but think about the way that God showed Himself faithful during our lowest, darkest hours. He was there. He provided people to help, He provided His peace and His comfort like only He could do. And now when I make these new memories, I think of the faithfulness of God and how He brought first Albert, then Micah and now little A into my life and what a blessing they are to me. Times that we spend together, pictures of them smiling, remind me that joy is still possible despite the hard, difficult times that come before and after the smiling pictures. I am thankful to God for these memories that point me to Him and will continue to remind me of His presence in my life.

Also at your times of rejoicing—your appointed festivals and New Moon feasts—you are to sound the trumpets over your burnt offerings and fellowship offerings, and they will be a memorial for you before your God. I am the Lord your God.”  ~Numbers 10:10~