A rough day

As Mother's Day came, I was reminded of the fact that at this point in my life I had been hoping to be raising two maybe three kids. Sadly, I'm currently raising only one (one really great little boy) but just one. It's at this point that I am reminded of what a huge failure I am as a Mother. What kind of mother loses two children before they are born? Somehow I should have been able to protect them - to keep them from harm. If not Jaimie than, than somehow I should have known that Kalyna was in trouble. It's one of those mom instincts to want to protect and keep our children safe. Unfortunately, mothers' can protect their children from some things, but not all things. Many things are way out of our control. It truly is God who holds our children in His hands. There are things we have to leave up to His loving hands and trust that He loves them more than we do. Here is how we know: (this has become one of my favourite passages in the Bible)

You have searched me, Lord, and you know me.

You know when I sit and when I rise; you perceive my thoughts from afar.

You discern my going out and my lying down; you are familiar with all my ways.

Before a word is on my tongue you, Lord, know it completely.

You hem me in behind and before, and you lay your hand upon me.

Such knowledge is too wonderful for me, too lofty for me to attain.

Where can I go from your Spirit? Where can I flee from your presence?

If I go up to the heavens, you are there; if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.

If I rise on the wings of the dawn, if I settle on the far side of the sea, even there your hand will guide me, your right hand will hold me fast.

If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me and the light become night around me,” even the darkness will not be dark to you; the night will shine like the day, for darkness is as light to you.

For you created my inmost being; you knit me together in my mother’s womb.

I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place, when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed body; all the days ordained for me were written in your book

before one of them came to be.

How precious to me are your thoughts, God! How vast is the sum of them!

Were I to count them, they would outnumber the grains of sand— when I awake, I am still with you.

Psalm 139:1-18

 

This goes for us and our children.